ONYA MACCASep 08 '05 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Catch Macca, or “Australia all Over” any time – you will love it! Have a guess what??? I had a dream…..yeah, a real, fair dinkum dream, and one that I can remember! Oh, by the way I reckon I have heard that phrase “I had a Dream” before so it may not be original. I only mention that because I don’t want to be accused of plagiarism since that has been done already. Anyway, just in case it may have been said before, say maybe by a very wise Afro American back about the 1960’s, I thought I better come clean. Also, please notice I haven’t started out saying anything about “my few readers”. In my last diatribe, epistle, meanderings or whatever you might want to call it I did say that and I got a comment about me and vegemite from another great, er, a great who is another, er, a different writer who I have always had the greatest respect for as I always thought he came from here, here being good old South Australia. Now I am not too good at cryptic stuff but this bloke, that is, I think he is a bloke, has a little statement on his profile page that says he is from the “Lone Star State”. Naturally for years I thought he was talking about me and probably he is but like I said he is very cryptic and that can confuse me, and very easily! Some other galah also questioned whether that piece was really about general itineries of Australia. Well fair suck of the sav, of course it bloody was, and is. So is this, as you will all see soon! By the way this “last” epistle is the one before this one! As I write this, well okay type this, I am pretty stoked because it is 2 a.m. on a Sunday morning, and that means it is bloody early. Of course it is a much more decent hour where you are but that doesn’t help me now, does it? Actually I am stoked, pumped and primed because in a few hours I am joining a bloody great mob of about one hundred thousand who are going to what is now one of the worlds great motor racing events – the Clipsal five hundred. Of course in some places it would be the Clipsal three hundred, on account of the five hundred refers to k’s, that is kilometers, rather than that other quaint measure of distance, the mile. Anyway none of all that above has got the slightest thing to do with the subject of this little epistle. Well kinda it has on account it is a similar subject, that being the purveying of perfect, accent less Australian. How did you like that word purveying – remember it came from someone unfettered by knowledge and no I didn’t use the thesaurus or any other dinosaur. Anyway, nearly five hundred words in I better get around to coming to the point – not that I haven’t in a cryptic kind of way. First I need to explain that here in Australia we have an ABC television and radio network but it sure as hell isn’t the American Broadcasting C, rather it’s the Australian Broadcasting C. That means it is the only Government owned network in this land and that means there are no advertisements! It also means the Aussie ABC goes out of its way to prove it is totally independent of the bloody Government and therefore is really a very irreverent outfit – I like that! On top of that, being Government owned, it doesn’t need to make any money. In fact being Government owned the more it costs the better! See, saying “bugger the government” is culturally appropriate and even correct! Now I did say something about getting to the point and I will folks, I will, but not yet. By now I reckon most of you are a bit besotted by the pureness of the language you have read so far so it hasn’t been a waste of time, now has it? Okay, down to the bare bones. The Clipsal Five Hundred you have probably already seen on your television since it was broadcast to most of the world. So guess what? This ain’t about that! What it is about is a radio program on our ABC every Sunday morning that lasts four hours. Now here this – 10% of the entire bloody population listen even though it starts at 6 a.m. AEST, that is, Australian Eastern Standard Time on a Sunday morning. Imagine thirty million Yanks or seven million Poms tuning in at that hour for a radio program. If you happen to live anywhere else, well you do the maths. Remember, it is the entire population including babies and those with Alzheimer’s! “Australia all Over” is presented by a bloke called Macca, a living God and a bloke who certainly draws a bigger crowd than all the Churches combined who only rate about 3%, in this country anyway. Don’t worry; I’ll help with pronunciation here. Is is pronounced is, as that is how we say is, and that is all there is to it. Simple isn’t it. Now I could write pages about Macca but please remember it is 2 a.m. so I need to get back to bed – especially since Macca is coming soon. Oh, yes, the point of all this – thanks, I nearly forgot! Well it’s like this – Macca talks proper accent less Australian just like me but unlike me you can actually listen to him, free of charge, on the Internet at any time. Yep, each week’s program is streamed live over the Internet but not only that – you can listen to the previous week, all four hours, anytime during that week. Now, wipe those eyes, its okay – just part of good old Aussie service. So, folk, the point is this – here is your golden opportunity to test your linguistic skills. Yep, go to the web address below and listen – that’s all you need to do! If you here what you may think is an accent, don’t despair. All that means is you need to listen again and practice. A bloody beauty isn’t it??? And how’s that for a fair dinkum Australian General Itinerary? You do realize what this means – after a few weeks of listening to Macca, and saying the words, you will be able to visit Australia and nobody will ask any stupid questions like “You a Yank”, or “What part of Yankarerika you from”. Same applies to Poms and others of course. This golden tip will guarantee you a holiday of bliss. Anyway, whatever you do get an earful of Macca here; http://www.abc.net.au/australiaallover/ Oh, and keep a box of tissues handy! NB; the first hour is mostly Macca rambling on about the program – I hate that - when someone doesn’t get straight to the point! Oh, and by the way – that person I promised my next epistle would start “from where I sit” will just have to wait!  |
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