Dr. Freudine Has Fun With Neighbor Ed Sep 13 '05    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Books Mildred D. Taylor - Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry: A Literature Unit From $8 Olivier Dunrea - Ollie From $7 The Bottom Line My fudge wasn't quite as horrendous and I salvaged it with lots of brown rice syrup, but no more dark cocoa ever again. The oil congealed on top! NOTE--This story is inspired by a recent fudge-making farce brought on by my creativity. My ‘evil’ half, Dr. Freudine, gets the blame, hehe! A comment member edgrover made on my recipes posting inspired his involvement here. Hope it makes him smile! ***************** The doorbell sweetly intrudes on my agonized feelings of hopelessness and, almost relieved, I drop Irish’s ’modernized fairy tale’ onto the kitchen table and head for the door. Opening it I dumbly gawk at the strange, wispy gray-haired man smiling with squinty, warm eyes up at me. He extends a small, slender hand. “Good evening, Dr. Freudine. I’m your neighbor Ed and would like to say hello. No analysis, please. Your friend Jan has told me what a charming person you are.” His scratchy voice sputters into coughs for a few seconds. “So sorry about that. I used to smoke. My, but you and Jan could be sisters! If you’re not too busy for a sickly, old man…” He coughs furiously, covering his mouth. “Oh, no!” I finally find my welcoming smile, step back and open the door for him. My mind tries to grasp the idea that my nemesis had called me charming. “Um, please have a seat, Ed. Could I bring you a few lozenges for your throat? I think zinc and Vitamin C might work wonders for you.” He pauses right before settling into the dark couch and turns to me in wide-eyed amazement. “Jan offered me the exact same thing the night of the play!” I don’t find this amusing and shrug with a half-hearted smile. “Lots of people take them.” We both sit, him with a sigh, and then study each other rather covertly while roaming our eyes around the room. I could hear his disgruntled mind asking how Jan could’ve possibly considered me charming and if you want proof, look at her miserable, gloomy apartment no sane female this century would inhabit. “So you saw…,” I begin as Ed is racked with coughing again and I remember in dismay that I completely forgot about getting the lozenges. “Excuse me while I, um, find the lozenges.” I jump up, my face burning, and hightail it to my bedroom where I keep them. It’s no wonder I forgot, though, with questions exploding merrily in my head. “I like your TV,” he hopefully remarks when I return and I feel a sudden urge to cry. “It looks new; isn’t it?” “Yes!” I blurt, horrified, and try to distract him by dangling the bottle of lozenges in his mystified face like a carrot. He quietly accepts them and I cross stiffly to my easy chair like I’m walking the gangplank. “I’m not that blind yet without my glasses,” he grumbles, then snorts just before tossing a couple of lozenges in his mouth. I freeze in position, goosebumps popping up all over my body. Now he’s really disgusted with me. “I’ve never tried these. Jan didn’t have any with her and offered me her party fudge instead, but she’s coming over with some. The fudge was simply delicious, doctor. Say, what’s your given name?” I balked at his question. “Oh, it’s too horrible for words. I, I, well, hate it. I joke that it’s Sigmunda, but my parents weren’t quite that…well, you know! Did you say Jan was coming over? Soon?” “Anytime,” he gloats or maybe I’m imagining it. “Yep, a pretty girl coming to visit little ol’ me. What a shame she has such a wild-eyed, long-haired boyfriend.” I think my insides just sank into the chair, leaving a cavern as deep as Jules Verne ever imagined in the bowels of the earth. “Wh…what did you just say about a boyfriend? You met him then?” “Oh sure! Excellent actor, the one who played Humbert Humbert. He loved her fudge. I went backstage afterwards and she and that guy were smoochin’ and laughin‘. He must’ve been whisperin’ something terribly funny in her ear. Say, are you feeling ill?” He’s coughing as I black out. His squinty-eyed face looms above me as I come to. I try to turn my head, but the room spins. “You stay still, dearie. Do you want a lozenge? I can fetch some water.” “Water,” I croak, closing my eyes again. How could I have ever known what I let myself in for when I invited this innocuous-looking gentleman into my home? I hear him slamming cupboards in search of a glass and feel the first tears welling up in my eyes. When Neighbor Ed appears suddenly with a touch of my hand, I open my eyes. “Here. I made it cold,” he explains while handing it to me and I wipe my eyes and smile gratefully. “You became as white as a sheet, young lady. Do you want to talk about it?” I gulp the water, then eye him. “Talk? What good does talking do? Let’s make fudge!” “You…want to make fudge now? Where?” “I’ve got all the ingredients. I’ll make you a better fudge than hers!” I’d never made fudge before, but it couldn’t be difficult to concoct nasty-tasting stuff. “Come on, Ed, let’s get it going so she can be the first to taste it.” I spring up to hurry to the kitchen, grinning at the thought while I unleash my scheming self on the kitchen. I’m so glad now I held onto my dark, bitter cocoa and open a cupboard. “Hey, I’ll stick a note up on the door for Jan so she knows where I am,” he tells me after some thought and I happily okay his intention. This will be fun! I would, of course, need coconut oil, creamer, stevia, lots of salt, already-brewed coffee, vanilla and chopped nuts and stay busy mixing my goo until Ed ambles back. I glance at him, thinking how winded he seems and struggling with pain. “Take it easy, neighbor, while I finish up.” It is bubbling a little and I stir contentedly without noticing that Ed has discovered Irish’s little creation on the table. When the doorbell chimes not much later, I turn off the heat, hastily dip my finger in the sludge and taste it. I almost gag. Perfection! “I’ll let her in,” I inform Ed with my face carefully composed and stride to the door. “Hi, Doc! What a nice surprise that you’re making friends with Ed and even making him fudge. Wow! Is he in the kitchen?” Jan is all smiles and touches my cheek as if in adoration. That’s when I realize Ed, with glasses, was reading that fairy tale and I am bereft of words. “Ooh, I smell something yummy cooking!” she teases me and scampers to the kitchen in her tight blue jeans, bright red blouse and fashionable boots, pausing a moment to retrieve a bottle of lozenges before pitching the black canvas bag on the couch. “And here you are!” she gushes to Ed after barreling into the kitchen. I rush in just in time to witness Jan steal a scoop of fudge with a finger and stick it in her mouth at the same time Ed rises up to his feet like some kind of ghost, pointing at her like he’s condemning her. “You were kissing her boyfriend!” I don’t think she heard him. She has turned somewhat greenish and lets out a frightful moan on the way to the sink, spitting it out. “Where’s a glass?” she snarls and pulls open two cupboards in her search. At first Ed looks confused, then we share a smile. “Good God, Doc, are you tryin’ to kill us? Now what were you saying, Ed?” she jabbers after downing two full glasses. “And I brought the lozenges.” “Thanks, Doc already gave me some. It’s time for you to leave, Jan. You’ve hurt Doc enough already by pretending to be her friend. Shame on you! Irish at least apologizes…in his own creative way.” He holds up the paper with his scrawled story and she pales. Without a word she dashes past me, grabs her purse and bolts out the door. I chuckle and gaze affectionately at my four-eyed angel. “Any words of wisdom for me, Ed?” He positively beams, only to collapse back into his chair with a coughing fit. Finally he has this to say. “Could I have your recipe for fudge? It might come in handy sometime.” We double over in laughter and weak-kneed I flop down across the table from him. “But seriously, dearie, go call the ‘wolf‘. I’ll be seein’ you. You’re okay.” I nod, ready to do as he suggests. “Be seein’ you, neighbor.” I accompany him to the door and with a wave and big smile, he disappears into his apartment.

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