Circumcising Your Son - It Should Be the PARENT'S Decision
Nov 06 '07
The Bottom Line Ultimately, the decision should be up to the parents.
I've been sitting on this essay for over two years and contemplating whether or not to publish it. It's quite personal and I wasn't really sure if I wanted to share this part of my life in print. But looking back on the situation, I realize this is something that I should address, just in case someone else may be going through experienced.
When I initially began writing this essay, I was very angry, my emotions were on overload and I was ready to crack some skulls. Looking over my rough draft, I realized that I'm glad I didn't publish what I wrote because I was fueled by emotions and I don't think I would have gotten my point across the way I wanted to.
The Beginning
Even before my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our son two years ago, we had many discussions about how we were going to raise our children and what we wanted to happen when our children were born. One of the things we discussed was whether or not we wanted to have our son circumcised. My husband was circumcised, my brother and dad were circumcised and all the men on my husband's side were circumcised. The decision was a no-brainer.
When I went for my 36-week check-up, I asked my doctor if I should be tested for the Group B strep, to which she said "no." The day I went to the hospital, there were complications. We both spiked a fever and I was being prepped for an emergency C-section. I couldn't see what happened when my son was being born, but according to my husband, he was blue, not breathing and when the doctors were trying to revive him, both his lungs collapsed. Now, they are working on getting him to breathe, I'm on the table wondering why he's not crying and I'm completely helpless.
To make a long story even longer, they got him breathing, he had tubes down his throat and on the sides of his chest and he was getting ready to be transported by helicopter to the children's hospital in Halifax. By the time he arrived, he was doing better, I got to see, hold and hear him cry two days later and after 4 days being on this earth, I was able to take him home, with a clean bill of health. Soon after coming home, I needed to go on antibiotics for a week because of the Group B strep, so twice a day for a week, I had to sit in a hospital room, with needles in my arm to make sure we're both on the up and up.
The Fight
When you hear about all of this, it's hard to believe that only a week has gone by. Once I had a little strength and was able to move about, I wanted to see about the circumcision. I first spoke with my doctor. She claimed it wasn't necessary at this time. He's already been through so much and there would be no need to put him through unnecessary torture. I told her this was something my husband and I were planning on having done initially, so after some dodging and delaying for a week, she finally gave me the names of some doctors who would perform the procedure.
I called the first doctor and spoke with his receptionist. The first thing she asked was how old my son was. At this point, he was three weeks (October 15th) and her response was he won't do the procedure because he's too old. She gave me the number of another doctor who would have no problems doing a circumcision at his age. I contacted the doctor that day, but got an answering machine. It took me 4 days before I could get a real person and when I spoke with the doctor himself (October 27th), he said I missed the window by a week. Hmm, how interesting, seeing it took me almost a week to get in touch with someone from his office.
The third doctor I was referred to agreed to meet with us...in January 2006!!! When we made the trip to the doctor's office, he didn't even examine my son, didn't bother to look at him or anything. All he did was speak with us. He gave us some literature and basically said that at this point, this would be invasive surgery, the recovery would be painful because he's much older and he pretty much said he would be more than willing to do the procedure. However, if after December 2006, once he turned 15 months and we still felt that this was necessary, we were more than willing to give his office a call and they would work out a schedule to perform the procedure.
My husband and I couldn't help but feel that every corner we turned, someone put up a road block. But we were still adamant about the procedure because this was what we discussed from day one and by golly no one was going to change our minds. The universal response from all the doctors was that he should have gotten the procedure when he was born to avoid any trauma or possible infection or any further complications.
The turning point for me was a week before my son's first birthday. He got a really bad cold and I got very scared. he was prescribed penicillin and he seemed to be doing fine, but one night when I was changing his diaper, I noticed very red splotches on his scrotum. I brought him to the ER, the doctor said that was a mild case of diaper rash, but he was more concerned with the wheezing he heard in his chest. An X-ray showed that he had a mild case of pneumonia. After hearing that, I decided this fight isn't worth it anymore. God forbid, we follow through with the procedure and there were major complications. I wouldn't be able to live with myself and I would feel so selfish because I didn't get what I wanted. So, after speaking with my husband about it, we decided to drop the circumcision decision.
Even though we decided to forgo the circumcision, I can't help but think that we were forced into this decision. If this next child is a boy, we most likely won't have him circumcised because his brother isn't. I feel robbed a little - as if my future decisions regarding sons have already been made.
In a way, this is a little my fault. I should have pushed for the Group B test, even if my doctor felt it wasn't necessary. When we found out we were having a boy, I should have been more adamant about our plans for his birth and put in writing that when he was born, to perform the circumcision and have all the necessary doctors sign this document.
I should have fought more.
I should have fought more.
I should have fought for my son more.
Deep in my heart, I know this wasn't my fault. Given all that he went through when he was born, he could have died but he was a fighter from minute one. I look at my son today and he's so full of life and so smart and willing to learn and teach others that he amazes me every day. I'm sure having the circumcision wouldn't have changed his life that much. I mean, it's just a piece of skin, right? And these days, many infant boys are not being circumcised because it's looked upon as an unnecessary procedure and a form of torture.
Final Thoughts
I still believe that when it comes to circumcising your son, it should be the parent's decision. If you have certain desires and wishes to be carried out, it's important to discuss them with your doctor and if your doctor is not willing to follow your wishes, then find a doctor who will work with you. Yes, there are risks involved with everything, but if you are aware of the risks and have your belief and faith in something, don't let anyone tell you any different.
My son's doing great, we're doing great and we couldn't be happier.
Take care and thanks for reading.
This is another EpiWriMo installment.
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