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Garmin Maccachip: It Cuts DeepNov 17 '05 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Just another day in Ufology hell.
If you are reading this, then hopefully you have already read my review of the Garmin GPS and know half the story. This is the other half. Hi tu (name withheld) If yuu read yuu + "Patt" nut watchful but matter nu! yuu find maccachip but mure! Garmin maccachip in right side luwer tursu! Critically remuval of Garmin maccachip be fur damage cumplete. Imperativeness. Uperate nuw and salt area + cuver area use grape suda! Nu antiseptic! Repeat, yuu shuuld use nu antiseptic! What you have just read is the message left for me in Pat's SUV in its entirety. Raaden is still alive as far as I know. My joy at finding this letter was over shadowed by the horror I felt at receiving this troubling message. There was only one thing it could mean: the thing I pulled out of me in that cabin was only one of two. Inside of me, not 48 hours ago, was another one of what Raaden calls a Garmin Maccachip. I knew that it was imperative that I act quickly. I called up my friend "Sampson", a long-time ufologist and my mentor of sorts before I met Raaden. I told him what they had done to me in the abduction and asked that he come over to extract the Maccachip. Sampson used to be a nurse. He said he'd be over right away, but ten minutes later he called back and told me that, and these are "his" exact words: "My favorite show is coming on." They got to him. I knew I was on my own and I didn't like it. The sharpest tool I had in my kitchen was a knife from my cutlery set. It was no scalpel but I didn't feel like going out to get something better. I wanted it out of me now. So I took that and went to my full length mirror. I was also armed with the salt and the grape soda that Raaden had told me about. Not just that but a bottle of vodka. Maybe it wasn't the best idea going under my own knife drunk but would you be willing to do that without any painkillers? It was hard to approach. I didn't know whether to stab at teh area, or slit it or what. The first cut was the worst. I almost didn't go through with it but the thought of keeping it in me was worse than the pain. First I just tried to stick my finger in the one cut and see if I could find it but it wasn't there. I had to cut wider. Blood was everywhere, and I mean everywhere. But the odd thing was that it wasn't quite red. It had a sort of pinkish look to it. Hard to describe; just something about it. Whatever they did to me, it was messing with my insides. By the fifth slit I managed to find it. I pulled it out, nearly fainting, and it wasn't what I expected. It was different. The shape was rectangular this time and it was smaller, more difficult to see. Lots of little parts. I wanted to get a better look at it under my microscope but right then I fainted. I woke up not too later and decided to get it all over with, so I grabbed a big handful of salt and smeared it right in the motherf*cker. Well that was enough to make me faint again. A little while later I guess I woke up, popped open the can of grape soda and sprayed the fizz all over the wound. You know I was expecting the pain but it was almost better. It felt like it was fizziling away the salt and other stuff too. I know now that it must be some sort of a healing agent, probably alien in origin. Later that night I managed to get myself over to the microscope and cleaned off the Maccachip. I slid it under and what do you know: printed right on the back, "GARMIN GPS GRANULEMOD 4/332. So now Garmin is in on it too. "It runs deep."--Raaden Andell  |
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