Worst Sports Movies of All Time
Dec 16 '05
The Bottom Line Here's some of the worst sports movies ever made. How bad? Avoid 'em.
Maybe we don’t get as angry as bad sports movies because we don't want to be bad sports about it and it's just easier to turn'em off and forget about them when they don't work.
Unfortunately I’ve sat through far too many Bad Sports Movies 1) in movie theaters –I paid for it darn it, 2)- because I’m watching them with them with my kids and sometimes my kids seem to be enjoying them oblivious to how awful the thing is 3)- I realize it’s awful but I figure I might write about its awfulness so I am obligated to actually watch the whole awful thing—and then sometimes I just can’t force myself to relive part of the experience by writing about it… 4)- There are some stars involved I like enough to keep watching 5)- I’ve lost a bet. 6)- I’m using it to train myself to be better able to handle torture should I ever be captured by terrorists or by some religious group intent on converting me.
Because these movies are so utterly painful to recall and write about, I’m doing so in a very loose, non-technical matter. I’ll make sure the release dates are correct but I’m not going to try and jog the memory too much and recall more of these awful movies than I have to. I hope you’ll understand.
There are movies that work very well, Rocky (1976), and Rocky 2 (1979)* and ones that are better than you expected the original Bad News Bears (1976) and Slap Shot (1977) for example, even minor movies that are surprisingly good like say The Sandlot (1993) or watch-able, forgettable ones like perhaps The Mighty Ducks (1992-hey I’m being generous) which unfortunately lead to truly awful movies like Rocky 5 (1990--Stallone mentors a relation of John Wayne zzzzzzz), Bad News Bears Go to Japan (1978-dragging Tony Curtis into the franchise which already was on life support after the mediocre BAD NEWS BEARS Back in Training in 1977) and Slap Shot 2- Breaking the Ice (2002-featuring stunt casting and uninspired hockey hi-jinks making you wish they did break the ice and drown BEFORE the movie was made) Sandlot 2 (2005-the magic is gone), Mighty Ducks 2(1994) and 3 (1996) (you barely got away with it once…eee-gads you gotta be a masochistic and love your kids a lot to stick with those two—and there’s a direct to video 4th one as well !!!).
If you are more generous than I, and enjoyed AIR BUD, your patience is sorely tested by the 4 sequels it spawned. I was reminded after the first AIR BUD of a movie so ridiculous you might watch it once and enjoy it—Disney’s GUS(1976) which featured a Mule that kicked field goals for a college football team under the tutelage of the always nervous Don Knotts with the usually irascible Ed Asner in the mix as well. I think it was Bob (Hogan’s Heroes) Crane last movie. It’s bad but fun…. FLASH-- Another Disney Dog—Bob Crane on skis in the terrible movie SUPERDAD (1973) !!!
You get something like Caddyshack (1980) once in a life-time. It’s not a good movie—but it’s funny.. very very funny and whatta cast. To prove the once in a lifetime statement is true-- they make Caddyshack 2 (1988) –a film so bad you praise Bill Murray for having nothing to do with it and wonder how stupid Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd were to say yes to the thing. I don’t even dare argue that Jackie Mason has some talent to anyone who sits through it. FORE.
1989’s Major League delivered some laughs amongst the tired clichés and it’s fun to see up and coming Wesley Snipes as Willie Hayes Mays or Willy Mays Hayes… The sequels Major League 2 in 1994 and Major League 3 1998 Back to the Minors were definitely minor league efforts best forgotten.
Who know what they were thinking when they made: 1979’s THE MAIN EVENT starring Ryan O’Neal and Bubby Strident (Barbara Streisand). It’s supposed to be a funny romantic comedy, instead its an insipid, uninspired waste of two performers once thought likeable enough to carry a movie to box-office success. Originally it was going to star Dianne Ross and O’Neal (they had a well known short affair that someone was trying to cash in on). Can’t you picture Barbara Streisand as a boxer fighting Ryan O’Neal? Hell, Clint Eastwood should have cast her in Million Dollar Baby right? It also gave us a very screechy popular hit song that lasted longer on the radio then the film did in theaters. Someone probably thinks this junk is harmless fluff. UGH.
I can certainly understand why you might think THE SLUGGER'S WIFE is a good movie, it’s got a script by Neil Simon, it’s directed by Hal (Harold and Maude, Shampoo) Ashby—so it has to be decent right? Oh it was an awful experience sitting through this turkey in the movie theater in 1985 Michael O’Keefe, Rebecca DeMornay, Martin Ritt and Randy Quaid do what they can with the material. O’Keefe falls in love with DeMornay and when things are good he can hit lots of home-runs. When things aren’t good and she doesn't love him, he can’t. It should be the stuff of a light romantic comedy, but instead it is sometimes played as if it’s a serious drama. The dialogue is terrible, the pacing and tone all over the place. It is one of those movies that seems to insist you are so stupid you will watch and accept anything that is thrown at you. I’m sure very few of you will find much to like or admire here. Director Ashby was not left alone to make the movie and did not get to finish it in the edit room (where he was able to excel) so the fault is not his. I spit stronger than Alien acid juice at the horrible thing for putting nails in the coffin of some talented careers...(Ashby) AWFUL.
The Fan (1996) – Robert DeNiro doing a watered down Travis Bickle kidnaps the son of baseball star Wesley Snipes to force Snipes to play better… ...A total waste of time and talent.
Any Given Sunday (1999) -- Oliver Stone shows off his flags and gives us a huge huge loud headache of a movie with an all star cast. My intentionally over-long, over-indulgent, over-the-top review can be found here: http://www.epinions.com/mvie-review-6AC0-AE8E596-39C19E24-prod1 Jamie Fox is very good in this movie, but you’ll want to take a shower and lots of aspirin if you watch this excessive, over-long piece of junk that was done much better at North Dallas Forty. STOP DOING DRUGS AND ALCOHOL STONE IT’S AFFECTING YOUR WORK. OUCH!!!
THESE ARE ALL EXTREMELY PAINFUL.
Amazing Chuck and Grace (1987) Do you remember this wanna-be Frank Capra movie about the kid who refuses to pitch his big little league game to protest nuclear weapons? A professional basketball player (Grace) joins the kids protest which grows. Gregory Peck has a small role as The President. If it was kept light and silly and say 85 minutes long—perhaps it would have worked. Since its dragged out to nearly 2 hours and turns somber in tone—it becomes something much less than Amazing or graceful.
The Replacements (2000) yeah.. replace this with another movie. This is the movie that tries to get us to believe Keanu Reeves as a quarterback. It features poorly done football action complete with continuity errors (A ten yard penalty moves a ball 13 yards for instance). There’s a romance you won’t care about as well..
The Cutting Edge (1992) is nowhere to be seen in this movie about ice skaters competing on the ice, loving off of it, with several complications and lots of predictable clichés.
Ladybugs (1992) Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect but deserves none for this one where he coaches a girl's. . . oh forget it…. Skip it...
The Air Up There (1994) unfortunately the air didn't kill the folks who made this junk. Kevin Bacon in one of his worst performances plays a basketball coach who goes to Africa to recruit a player and has a run in with the tribal chief and then there’s the big bad mining company… there’s even problems with the basketball action in the movie…(college b-ball is played in two-halves, but in this movie it’s played in quarters like the NBA—glad to know they researched it so well, huh?).
Necessary Roughness (1991) Unnecessary pain delivered to audiences. A college football team that has lost its official sanction recruits new players from the student body including a 34 year old quarterback --Scott Bakula. Strained, desperate comedy hi-jinks follow.
Johnny Be Good (1988) He ain’t any good and neither is the movie. Anthony Michael Hall is a scrawny kid who gets into too much trouble but is supposedly real good on the football field. Will he stay out of trouble so he can play? Do you care?
OVER THE TOP (1987) Stallone--Arm Wrestling—they made a movie about semi-professional Arm Wrestling. It’s bad enough to possibly enjoy but since as soon as I start watching this one I think of how I really should be watching a much better bad movie called ROAD HOUSE (1989) with Patrick Swayzee and Sam Elliot. And any movie that makes you want to watch Road House again…must be pretty baaad indeed. Worthless.
Perhaps you have forgotten these putrid pieces of puss-infested poop:
Days of Thunder (1990) - Cruise's embarrassing NASCAR movie. Robert Duvall what were YOU thinking?
Bobby Deerfield (1977)—Sydney Pollack’s and Al Pacino's embarassing race car movie mis-fire...
Youngblood (1986) - Rob Lowe's ridiculous Hockey movie... see pretty boy on skates... fight… fight.. watch the face...
The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh (1979) - Jonathan Winters and Dr. J. , Meadow Lark Lemmon, Flip Wilson. Comedy, astrology and disco basketball.. how could it miss you say? Oh so many many ways. It’s just uninspired waste of time. It probably was hoping to be CAR WASH… zzzzzz
The Babe (1992) If you are going to show Babe Ruth as the womanizing egotistical greedy alcoholic lout he supposedly actually was, then why make a movie about the dark side of Babe Ruth that is just a inaccurate and at times corny and clichéd as the old William Bendix BABE RUTH STORY? Forget this one.
Like Mike (2002) -- watched most of this with my then 10 year old on cable. Don't have anything sharp near you if you get forced into watching it. Rapper Bow Wow plays b-ball.
Teen Wolf 2 (1987) – the Michael J. Fox Teen Wolf movie is innocuous fun for some… but there’s no excuse for this horrible sequel that Fox knew enough to stay away from, Jason Bateman takes over as the Teen Wolf.
Hardball (2001)– Keanu Reeves is a down on his luck gambler who drinks and smokes a lot and takes over an awful baseball team full of gang members from the projects... they suddenly start to win. Keanu sings to Notorious BIG...it’s supposed to be touching and uplifting…..
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.. Which reminds me of that dull one with Bruce Dern as a runner who... oh no.. I must stop now...
* Rocky fans, don’t forget to see Somebody Up There Likes Me, Body and Soul and The Set Up (three classic boxing films you are sure to enjoy).
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ChrisJarmick
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Member: Chris Jarmick
Location: Seattle
Reviews written: 560
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About Me:
With or-w/o hat,writing quality reviews,encouraging-others-to-do likewise-since-the-'50's.
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