Unbiased Reviews by Real People
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Unbiased Reviews by Real People
Worst Ten Romance MoviesDec 18, 2005 (Updated Dec 19, 2005) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line If you want romance, look elsewhere, If you want ten great movies about how to handle relationships the WRONG way, here are ten great films.
Everyone loves a good romance film where the guy gets the girl, or the girl gets the guy and they live happily ever after, but what about those other films? The relationship films that you DON'T want to watch with your girlfriend or wife, the ones that may be great films, but feature relationships that just don't quite work. Here, in no particular order, are ten of the worst romance films. (mind you, they are all great films, just not great romance films!) High Fidelity John Cusack, always the romantic, plays a record store owner, Rob Gordon. He, like epinioners loves top ten lists. The movie is narrated by Cusack, who, lamenting his recent breakup, describes his top five breakups of all times. Women apparently don't like men more obsessed with their record collection than with commitment. This movie also features Jack Black, and its a great movie! Saving Silverman (2001) Judith (Amanda Peet) meets Darren (Jason Biggs) who falls hopelessly in love with her. They become engaged to be married. What could ruin such wonderful love? Best friends Steve Zahn and Jack Black of course! Zahn as Wayne and Jack Black as J.D. feel very left out when Judith encourages her fiance to cut off his relationship with his friends, and decide to do something about it. The pair try everything from hooking Darren up with an old girlfriend to kidnapping his fiance and locking her in their basement. This film was in my thoughts for my top ten comedy list. We Don't Live Here Anymore (2004) Mark Ruffalo is married to Laura Dern, and their friends are married couple Peter Krause and Naomi Watts. Mark Ruffalo apparently isn't satified being married to the beautiful Laura Dern, so he starts an affair with Naomi Watts. Soon thereafter their spouses also have an affair. This leads to the sort of ending you would expect of this sort of behavior. Waking Up in Reno (2002 directed by Jordan Brady) Two married couples take off on a road trip to Reno. Natasha Richardson is Darlene Dodd. Billy Bob Thorton plays her husband Lonnie Earl Dodd. Patrick Swayze plays his best friend Roy Kirkendall. Roy and his wife played by Charlize Theron have been trying to conceive a child, and in the course of the trip Swayze is delighted to discover that his wife is pregnant. Not so much, when he gets news from his doctor that the reason they couldn't conceive is because he is impotent. Apparently good friend Billy Bob helped out and the revelation of this rather ruins the trip and their friendships. The look on Swayze's face as Thorton accidently admits his affair with Swayze's wife was priceless. A Perfect Murder (1998) This movie just belongs on this list. Michael Douglas and Gwyneth Paltrow are a rich happily? married couple, Steven and Emily Taylor. Well, they are until Steven finds out his wife is having a torrid affair with a low life artist Viggo Mortensen as David Shaw. (Arragon, how could you?) The solution? Hire the wife's lover to murder her. My favorite line; Steven to Shaw I think you can call me by my first name since you're f**king my wife. Roger Dodger (2002) Roger (Campbell Scott) is a sleek advertising executive who thinks he knows all the lines to get women to go home with him. One night, his young nephew, Nick (Jesse Eisenberg)visits and Roger tries to teach him the art of being a player. They practice on women in local New York City single clubs including Elizabeth Berkley and Jenifer Beals. It turns out that Roger doesn't know as much about women as he thought he did! This film is a cynical sad look at the New York City singles scene. Sex, Lies and Videotape (1989 directed by Steven Soderbergh) Andie McDowall and Laura San Giacomo play sisters. McDowall is in a sexless marriage to Peter Gallagher. Laura San Giacomo likes to sleep around. Creepy James Spader enters the picture as a guy whose fetish is to film women talking about sex. This eventually leads Andie McDowall to realize that her husband is cheating on her with her own sister. Noone ends up happy. Sideways (2004 directed by Alexander Payne) Two guys Paul Giamatti as Miles and Thomas Hayden Church as Jack go on a road trip to wine country. Although Jack is about to get married, he has no problem hooking up with the attractive Sandra Oh. Does he mention to the woman he says he loves that his marriage is coming up that weekend? No, somewhere between all his sexual trysts with her, and declarations of undying love, he forgets to mention that. Miles trys to hook up with Virginia Madsen, but his depression and his friends behavior get in the way. This was yet another screenplay that shows Payne's brilliance for writing witty dialogue. Alfie (2004 directed by Charles Shyer) Jude Law plays a complete cad in this remake of the 1960s film with Michael Caine. Normally I go with the original, but I've never seen that one. Alfie tells women what they want to hear, has sex with them, and moves on to his next conquest. Does it matter if one of his conquests is his best friend's fiance? Nope Alfie you never mean to hurt anyone do you?,..... but you do. Alfie is completely oblivous to the fact that his girlfriend (Marisa Tomei) loves him, but cheats on her until the relationship is irretreivably broken down. The film ends with Alfie displaying no redeeming qualities at all. Mick Jagger provides several of his new songs to the sound track, and proves he can still belt out tunes. Although the films were in no particular order, I have to say this last film is the WORST ROMANCE MOVIE EVER MADE Closer (2004 directed by Mike Nichols) Everyone is bitter, nasty and cruel to each other in this movie. Clive Owen (Larry) loves Julia Roberts (Anna) and they eventually get married. Natalie Portman (Alice) is in a long term relationship with Jude Law (Dan). Jude Law starts a torrid long lasting affair with Julia Roberts. Everyone gets hurt. I have never seen a film that showed relationships in such a negative light as this one. Alice to Larry after he confronts her about her affair and comes on to her I'm not your revenge f**k Larry to Anna after confronting her in revolting detail about her sex life with her adulterous lover That's the spirit, Thank you, thank you for your honesty. Now f**k off and die, you f**ked up slag Yup, thats just the sort of romantic dialogue you get with Closer So there you have it, Ten Films that are the antithesis of Love, Romance and Happy Endings. And no, don't feel bad for me, I didn't just break up or anything, I wrote this list cause I was in a top ten movie mood. I'm in a happy relationship, and wouldn't mess it up with the behavior of any of the characters above. My girlfriend has noted however, that I do have a lack of actual ROMANCE movies in my collection, (she wouldn't count True Romance a great movie based on a Tarantino screen play) which she is slowly changing. Two romance films I recently enjoyed watching with her: Jack Nicholson in Something's Got to Give and Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in The Notebook. My favorite romance movie? Either Roman Holiday or Breakfast at Tiffany's with Audrey Hepburn. I also loved Bogie and Bacall in To Have and Have Not, the always charming Audrey Tatou in Amelie, and Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon, Don Juan DeMarco, Chocolat and I think even Edward Scissorhands qualifies as a tragic romance.  |
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