"this sh*t is bananas!": the top 40 singles of 2005 (40-21) Dec 21 '05 (Updated Dec 22 '05)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music Revelation [Digipak] by Journey From $12 Machine Gun Etiquette by The Damned From $40 The Bottom Line . And so we can chalk one more transformation up to the year that was 2005: I, Andrew Ratliff, have finally made the grand transformation from music snob to pop whore. It's a transformation that's been a long time coming; but, finally, the mentality that lead me to, in my 2003 list, pimp out the Shins' Chutes Too Narrow above the new Al Green and Fountains of Wayne and Jay-Z albums, has waned in favor of this crazy impulse to only pimp out things that I truly enjoy. It's a beautiful thing, this newfound freedom to like what I wanna like; it means that I can truly tell you what pleased me this year, with none of those pleasures being tagged as "guilty" ones. Okay, maybe a couple of them are guilty. Like the Backstreet Boys, who I didn't have room for on this list, but who released at least one histrionic Bon Jovi ballad this year that I loved. Or like Kelly Clarkson, who is from "American Freakin' Idol". Either way: these are the best and brightest of the pop crop this year, hate 'em or love 'em. 40. "Trapped in the Closet," R. Kelly. Kellz, man, what the hell is wrong with you? Moreover, what the hell isn't wrong with you? I've been trying to hate R. Kelly ever since it's come out that the man likes to piss on people, but then he had the "Ignition" remix. And now he has "Trapped in the Closet," which is either the stupidest frigging thing I've ever heard or the most brilliant. Sure, the multi-saga chapter drops the ball somewhere around the time it's revealed that the policeman's wife has been having sex with a midget, but the fact that I've devoted so much time to figuring out if I thought this project was retarded or exciting means that it's nabbed my attention either way. 39. "This is How a Heart Breaks," Rob Thomas. Come back, Matchbox 20, we miss you. Wait, what's that? Okay, I've been informed that I'm the only one who misses Matchbox 20. Okay, then, I miss you. Come back anyway. 38. "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing," Jack Johnson. Ignore for a second the fact that all the Jack Johnson fans you know are jackasses: don't you find "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" ridiculously catchy, taken on its own merits, as a perfectly acceptable chill-out tune? The languid strumming, the whispery vocals, the charmingly pedestrian piano plunking - this is a great summer tune. 37. "Ordinary People," John Legend. And sometimes pop music surprises me; as it did when "Ordinary People," a sparse, almost-acoustic piano ballad, became a ridiculous hit. It's great and it's affecting and it's gorgeous; and it makes you wonder, of course, how the hell it became as popular as it did. If it had remained a beautiful track tucked away somewhere in Get Lifted that I could keep as my own personal secret, I might like it even more, but hearing it damn-near daily during its popularity streak wore it out a bit for me. Still, though, it's absolutely grand, and John's voice gets me every time. 36. "My Doorbell," the White Stripes. I still don't have Get Behind Me Satan, but based on this funky piano-led pop-soul piece and "Blue Orchid" alone, I'm convinced that everyone who says they're not cool anymore is smoking hearty amounts of reefer. To which I say: pass it on or shut the hell up. 35. "Because of You," Kelly Clarkson. Damn it, Kelly. I'd always wanted to say that all acts that stemmed from "American Idol" sucked; this year, Kelly Clarkson had a string of singles that forced me to change that "all" to "most". I dunno, something about the way this girl sings a line like "my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with" - and somehow makes it sound not just non-goofy but completely heartbreaking - totally makes it for me. "American Idol," you and I still aren't on good terms, not after Clay Aiken, but I'm starting to be a little more forgiving. 34. "Don't Bother," Shakira. In other female-empowerment news, Shakira has a new single out. It would be hyperbolic to say that "Don't Bother" is her best English-language single to date - damn it, I love you, "Underneath Your Clothes" - but while it might not be quite as powerful as some of the other stuff lurking on Oral Fixation, Vol. 2, this song totally works for me. Somehow, even the spoken-word bridge doesn't sound as silly as it is. 33. "Hollaback Girl," Gwen Stefani. I really had to struggle to decide whether I love this song or hate it. Because of it's sheer inspired lunacy, it fell on the "love" side of things, although I could easily go without hearing it for awhile. But come on: it's got the marching band beat, and right after Gwen tells you that "this shit is bananas" and then - and THEN - she SPELLS it for you! Come on. Don't act like you don't love it. 32. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," Green Day. It's the weakest track from last year's number one album, and it's STILL one of the top 32 singles of the year! What this should prove to you is not that Andrew is, indeed, a pop whore, but that you should probably have bought Green Day's American Idiot a long time ago. 31. "Powers," Blackalicious. Blackalicious's The Craft wasn't anywhere near as exciting as their two previous LPs, but Chief Xcel and Gift of Gab at least threw us a bone with leadoff single "Powers," which seems to dance in the same space cleared by "Hey Ya!!" It's new-wave-bounce-funk-hop, featuring at least seven quotable lines and Gift of Gab getting his sing on, and it's irresistable. 30. "The Corner," Common feat. Last Poets. As far as I'm concerned, the first single from Com's stellar Be was one of the best joints of the summer; there was absolutely nothing like riding around in stuffy July with the windows down, and "The Corner" vibrating your speakers. If this, as some people have hinted at, is shitty Common, then I hope Common sucks this bad for years to come. 29. "Question!," System of a Down. I think part of my aversion to metal is what I'd assumed was an inability to muster a good melody, or to really be affecting in any way other than to make my ears bleed. "Question!" starts off with a beautiful acoustic-guitar melody (which Brian's review of Mezmerize rightfully pointed out, kind of sounds like "Sounds of Silence"), and then quickly moves into a terrific, musically complex, rhythmically off-kilter, existential rocker. Oye, the beauty. 28. "Be Without You," Mary J. Blige. Mary J is often billed the "Queen of Hip-Hop Soul"; "Be Without You," another of those spectacular ballads that she always pulls off oh-so-well, doesn't so much prove this moniker as it proves that you technically could take out the "hip-hop" part of it and it would still work. 27. "Do You Want To," Franz Ferdinand. Once again, Franz Ferdinand have duped me. "Take Me Out" - which, let's not shit ourselves, is pretty much the coolest damned thing ever - morphed from an indie-rock mopealong into a jagged, angular dance-funk behemoth at the 0:55 mark, and "Do You Want To" starts off with 18 seconds of faux-Beatle silliness before jumping headlong into .. well, into a jagged, angular dance-funk behemoth. Let it be said, then, that if Franz Ferdinand is a one-trick pony, their one trick could potentially, like Bon Jovi, be parlayed into a pretty exciting longterm career. 26. "Helena," My Chemical Romance. There's an air of epicness to My Chemical Romance, or at least to the only song I've bothered to listen to by them, "Helena" - it's the power-weeper chorus, I think, that really makes "Helena" stick out, above all the other punkers and emo-ters. As far as "I don't want to admit this goes," of course, liking My Chemical Romance is right up there with liking Tim McGraw and the Backstreet Boys in my book, but what the hell: if I like something the goth kids like, I like it. It'll bring me a bit closer to all the whiny white kids at college, anyway. 25. "Oh," Ciara feat. Ludacris. First of all, that beat is totally badass. Secondly, I like Ludacris more and more each time I hear him. Third of all, is _this_ what they call crunk'n'b? Man, and I've been avoiding it for this long. Damn. 24. "These Words (I Love You, I Love You)," Natasha Bedingfield. At some point during the year, I bought Natasha Bedingfield's album, for several reasons: She seemed like a reasonably clever pop artist. It was $7.99. Her songs didn't make her sound like a stalker douchebag, like her brother Daniel. And, the first single "These Words"? Forget it. She had me at "read some Byron, Shelley, and Keats/ recited it over a hip-hop beat". Oh, and the rest of her album .. well, I .. I haven't listened to it yet. She made the first track "These Words," and I never managed to get past it. 23. "You're Beautiful," James Blunt. Latest cornball single to sucker Andrew into loving it? James Blunt's "You're Beautiful". It's pretty much "Yellow," which suckered me back in 2001 or whenever it came out. A workaday chord structure, a chorus that consists of "you're beautiful, you're beautiful/ you're beautiful, it's true," and a Brit with a bitch-voice and a sad-sack tale of seeing angels across crowds. Nope, there's no way to defend this, except to say: you listen to it, and then look me in the eye and tell me it didn't sucker you, just a little bit. 22. "Over and Over," Nelly feat. Tim McGraw. I was having trouble figuring out whether this song was 2004 or 2005 - time's starting to blur and everything. However, I think I eventually decided that "Over and Over" - the real long-awaited union of country and hip-hop - was cool enough to count anyway. This song made me like Nelly _and_ Tim McGraw. 21. "Cool," Gwen Stefani. I still haven't shelled out for Gwen's solo debut, Love Angel Music Baby, but it was really "Cool" - not "Hollaback Girl," as fun as that song is - that made me seriously think about it. I'm not even sure what this is classified as - electro-pop ballad, maybe. Something about the instrumentation reminds me a little bit of Christmas music, and a little bit of Blondie. I think it might be something about Gwen's exemplary vocal performance that makes "Cool" really hit home for me - it reminds me a bit of her vocals on No Doubt's "Underneath it All" - or, hey, it might be her hair color in the music video. I've totally got a thing for brunettes, you know. --------------[NEXT]--------------> ** MORE 2005: Andrew's Top 20 Albums of 2005!

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