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The Unofficial Epinions Dictionary - Travel EditionJan 08 '06 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Underwater the fish don't stink.
ANNEXATION: Also known as ‘El Grandioso’, Annexation is the very pinnacle of existence, the very tip of the hierarchal pyramid of presence. Those who question or openly doubt the power of Annexation are subsequently shat upon by a thousand seagulls who have willingly pledged their lives to fulfill Annexation’s dopey whims. One time, Annexation made the seagulls crap on a vehicle that cut him off. The driver, blinded by a thick white paste, careened into another vehicle killing not only himself, but at least fifty other people. Let his folly be your lesson. BLOCK LIST: A passive aggressive tool that allows you to undermine a reviewer’s exposure to non-member visitors, for reasons as simple as not liking their face. You should see mine, ‘cause you’re probably on it if your face is bothersome. CATEGORY LEAD: The a-s you should be kissing. Denoted by their flamboyant red labels emblazoned with the word ‘LEAD’, these highest-ranking epinions officials harbor the power to kill you if you displease them. Sometimes all it takes to incur the wrath of a category lead is looking ugly. What this means is you need to get pretty. And fast. DIARRHEA OF THE FINGERS: An ailment that afflicts at least one out of every ten epinioners. What are the symptoms? Oh, how about busting out a fifty page review on a fairly indescribable product? Or writing paragraphs that take so long to read that other people are actually dying before getting through them. What can you do about this strange illness? Nothing. You’re pretty much screwed, and so is anyone else who actively challenges themselves to read your stuff. GLAMOUR SHOT SICKNESS: A queasy sensation in the stomach, inspired by looking at too many skanky glamour shots on people’s profile pages. HELPFUL: A review rating given by members that says ‘You suck’, but in a nice way. MEET AND GREET: A banging party hosted by the staff of epinions.com. Like some kind of wild and crazy rock n’ roll band, the meet and greet tours the country, showing up in different cities and attracting some of the most hardcore headbangin partyfolk that you will ever meet. I’ve been to all of them so far, but no one seems to notice me or even speak to me. Don’t remember me? Let me refresh your memory: I was the guy with my hand in my pants. MENTAL CONSTIPATION: A horrible cranial condition in which the flowage of thoughts becomes blocked, preventing you from being able to come up with ideas for good epinions reviews. These thoughts often back up, resulting in increased pressure in the brainial area and discomfort in the place where smarts are. Don’t force yourself to write while experiencing mental constipation, or you run the risk of getting mental hemorrhoids (also known as ‘brain grapes’). MOST HELPFUL: A review rating given by a high ranking member that says ‘There are no other reviews in this category.’ NEWBIES: People who have recently come to epinions and see it as a vast meadow of discovery and untold of enchantment. They are still fresh, naïve and supple. They have yet to have their dreams crushed by the snarky remarks of their elders. They are branded, like cattle, with an icon that denotes their newness. Some people see this icon as a bull’s eye. NOT HELPFUL: A review rating given by members that indicates your review sucks so much a-s that it doesn’t even qualify as a review. PROFILE PAGE: A page you can fill out with mundane stuff about your life and the boring stuff you do. You can even include stupid quiz results and photos that make you look fat. What’s more is that epinions gives you a whole lot of space to do this, so you can jam it up with nearly limitless amounts of lackluster content and reach a critical mass of death invoking boredom. REVENGE RATING: A review rating given by a member who thinks you suck because you rated one of their reviews unfavorably. Revenge ratings commonly come in the ‘Not Helpful’ form, but in the case of stupid and confused people, sometimes come as ‘Very Helpful’s. RUBBER STAMPING: The act of rating a review without actually reading it. Nobody really does this though; it’s just a term that gets thrown around for fun. SOMEWHAT HELPFUL: A review rating given by members that says ‘Even though you really tried, you suck.’ STUPID WRITEOFF: An organized mass writing event that includes an undulating plethora of dull writers and usually focuses on some dumb self-serving topic of mind-blowing crappiness. THE BEST ARGUMENT EVER: Don’t like Mobiprof? That’s okay. Neither do I. In fact, we once had an argument that is arguably the ‘BEST ARGUMENT EVER’. See for yourself: http://www.epinions.com/content_2999361668/show_~allcom/pp_~1/sort_~date/sort_dir_~asc/sec_~comment_list VERY HELPFUL: A review rating given by members that indicates your review was satisfactory, albeit potentially boring and/or offensive. WISH LIST: A dopey feature that allows you put category items on some sort of dopey, phantasmal layway and display them on your profile page. The idea is dopey and reeks of dope. WRITE-OFF SLUT: Someone who sucks a lot of cock for money. But by ‘suck’ I mean ‘write’, and by ‘cock’ I mean ‘write-off reviews’. And ‘money’ means whatever you want it to.  |
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