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Ashley/Ashlee/Ashlie (Review Your Ex-Lovers W/O)Feb 14 '06 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line doesn't regret a second of it.
I'm going to apologize here for making some previous reviews chronological and trite. I recidivate. My relationship with Ashley/Ashlee/Ashley was the most epic, interwoven, degenerate, and aberrant of the entire series. To prevent ennui, I'll only type the highlights (and her off-the-wall characteristics and gimmicks). As far as I'm aware, it was all a game to her. In 7th grade, she started being uncharacteristically nice and gossipy to me in our Work and Family class (see Caroline), and one night, she and her friend Angela called me, saying "Dood, Ashley likes you. Do you like her?" Being my prurient, primary self, I said yes. And the war began. Ashley and I, throughout the course of two and a half years of antiphonal dating, never really engaged in sexual activity (thank God, it was 7th grade----how young I was). Yet she incessantly deceptively pressured me for never having "made out" with a girl (few had at that age, but we all pretended we were pimps and whores). We hung out at her house one day (away from the family). She constantly toyed with me; putting my hand under her bra for two seconds then laughing, smacking her hand against my unexposed groin and taking my hand and doing the same to hers, saying "why won't you kiss me" and not reacting to my kisses. I went over to her house once, and she dumped me on the spot, saying, "I'll have to kill you now, because I'm leaving you for Kalen..." (this is not the only time a woman left me for Kalen, and coincidentally enough, even my best friend became romantically entangled with him later on). Then we got back together. Then we broke up again. Then we got back together. Then we broke up again (I left her for another girl, who I'd never even talked to----but dated anyway). The breaking-up-rejoining occurred a minimum of THIRTEEN TIMES over two-and-a-half years. The woman was bizarrely mendacious. She always sycophantically apprised me of her friendships/relationships with "preps" and "popular people," none of which she had any evidence for (and all of whom denied the rapport). She even confessed to being mostly composed of lies later on. In 8th grade, our school's disgust for her motivated her to home-school (she made it to college, thankfully). One of the most traumatic occurrences of my life was when she brought her new boyfriend (not Kalen, another one she'd left me for) to the pool (a popular local hang-out) to torture me. During the 45-minute public period, he held me down, and she grabbed and twisted my testicles (from the outside of my swim-trunks), telling me she'd stop once I said "Sorry." "Sorry for what?" I asked. "You know," she answered, and continued. I was obstinate. I refused to capitulate to this conniving, corrupt, repugnant bitch. Worse, all of my friends were there to witness the torture, and did nothing (recalls Kitty Genovese, no?). After roughly two hours of pain, Ashley approached me again, so I grabbed her neck, pulled her underwater, and swam away. She came up in tears, holding on to her boyfriend, who decided not to pursue me, likely understanding my plight (I even became vaguely acquainted with him in later years). Nonetheless, it went down as a victory for T. Speaker. While my parents considered legal action, I decided to post her phone number on my expage website. Then her parents considered legal action. After that, things calmed down for a while (though Ashley and I did have various run-ins). Ashley's lies cumulated to a point where I capably wrote a twenty-page document listing her lies and crimes (this was in eighth grade, only six months after it'd all started). This gained me wide appraise (even the invidious Liz high-fived me); our officious middle school principals even became involved ("stop publicizing it," they told me). I feel some guilt for the latter years of the Ashley saga. When we dated FOR THE FINAL TIME the summer before my sophomore year, she was actually earnest, or at least penitent. Feeling ambivalent, I was evasive, never called, and eventually she broke up with me, asking, "Why'd you get into this if you didn't want to?", something I could've asked her a million times before, but I stand guilty as charged. Continuing, she ostensibly was undergoing something horrible and unspeakable during those years of bullshit, so there's some sympathy here. I also latently charged her with lies whenever she told me something towards the end of the saga; all of those things she told me ended up being true. I met up with her last summer; she was surprisingly honest and cordial (though a bit phlegmatic). The Ashley saga is a perfect example of how a woman can tease a man and keep him obsequious. Because Ashley hinted at something wonderful to any teenage boy (sexual pleasure), I went head over heels with her. Even in my junior year there was residual emotion------that's the effect. Men, if a suspect woman doesn't deliver on a promise, leave her immediately. You're headed for a world of shit otherwise. Other highlights: *Ashley often camped with her family. When she camped, she often met and made out with some random bloke. She left me for the blokes several times. During one relationship, before she headed off, I told her, "Ashley, when you go to camp, feel free to make out with however many guys you want. Just remain faithful to me here." *Ashley and Micah once three-way attacked me, both liking me (at least Micah REALLY did), and me liking both of them. They demanded I choose. Boy, was that awkward (I eventually, quite mistakenly, chose Ashley). *Ashley apparently had some identity crisis. She changed her name to Ashlee, and now it's on Ashlie (I think it'll stick there). Rather odd. Rating: F Other Rating: 1/5 stars Recommended: No Review Your Ex-Lovers W/O  |
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