The Enduring Essence of the Epinions Experience
Feb 16 '06 (Updated Feb 18 '06)
The Bottom Line It's all about the comments, stupid.
Been away for a while.
Never figured on coming back. Saw no reason to. Been there, done that…you know how it is.
But a few days ago, while making one of my infrequent visits to an Epinions related message board, I happened across a thread about Ed Grover and his battle with lung cancer.
Right up front I’m going to tell you that I don’t know Ed Grover. Never met the guy. He never inspired me, encouraged me, took me under his wing when I was just a fledging writer on the site…none of that. I never even read all that much of Ed’s stuff. Don’t get me wrong. From what I have read, Ed seems to be an intelligent man and a talented and prolific contributor to the site. But our interests just didn’t converge. He’s an old gay guy who pretty much reviewed gay literature. I’m an old straight guy who just screwed around here and didn’t review much of anything.
So why am I breaking a very comfortable streak of not writing here just to comment on the plight of a stranger?
Comments.
Yeah.
Comments of the uniquely and distinctly Epinions kind.
You see, I wrote about sixty reviews, essays…or whatever you’d care to call the silly scribbling I engaged in before I quit. And, on many of them, I’d eventually find a comment from Ed Grover. Wasn’t long before I noticed a pattern in those comments. When other folks would “NH” my rants and ramblings and heap their bile and scorn upon me via the comments section, Ed would consistently offer kindness, civility, and gentle humor.
What a concept!
Kindness.
Civility.
Humor.
Funny how that stuff sticks with you.
Even after an almost three year absence.
It’s something that I never fully appreciated when I was an active member.
In truth, I was pretty damn selfish. Didn’t read much of other folks’ stuff. Commented even less. Thought numbers were important for a while…hits…trusters…income share. Got caught up in the madness and lost a little of my humanity in the process. When I finally came to my senses, the joy of participation had left me and I eventually drifted away.
But I’ll let you in on my dirty little secret.
I’ve crept back here on a few occasions. I don’t read, and I don’t rate. I don’t check up on my hits and trusters. And I sure as hell don’t bother to see how many pennies I’ve earned.
That's all meaningless fluff and just a shiny lure to keep the membership happily clicking away on the site. Remember this. Someone can click on your review and hit a rating in a split second and their name will show up as having read that finely crafted submission you labored and sweated and agonized over when, in fact, they actually haven't given you a full second of their time or a moment's real thought or consideration. And the cherished Epinions “Trust” is just as superficial, if not worse. It’s easy to trust someone in an environment where trust carries no responsibility and all too often is just a whorish plea for reciprocity.
I’ll have none of that. No more games for me.
Instead, I’d come and sit quietly and scroll through my reviews and read the old comments that members were generous enough to leave. It’s in the comments section that people cease being anonymous screen names and numbers and become living, breathing realities. With a single kind word, they can banish what could be a cold and impersonal cyber-world, and infuse it, and us, with the warmth of their humanity. And that warmth remains long after they, themselves, have forgotten their own kindness and generosity of spirit.
Trust me. I know.
Life can be harsh. Comfort difficult to come by. I still find the need to bask in that warmth on occasion. Because of good folks like Ed, it remains there for me in the unlikeliest of places…a place I have long ago abandoned.
When I was active here, I did it all wrong. I was too busy, lazy, or, perhaps, indifferent to engage people on a human level. If I ever came back, there are plenty of things I’d do differently.
Most importantly, I’d try to be more like Ed Grover.
Peace and comfort to you, Ed.
And thank you.
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Epinions.com ID:
rich2003dm
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Location: New York City
Reviews written: 61
Trusted by: 171 members
About Me:
I broke my pencil so I'm probably done here.
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