Worst Movies of the 90's
Mar 06 '06
The Bottom Line See these movies...if you dare!
Ah...the 90's...the decade I grew up in. The 90's was the time of nothingness. Things seemed to move slower then. And of course, the multiplex filled up with horrifyingly bad films. let's break down the top 10 worst films of the 90's. There are many horrible movies out there. But this is MY list, the pain I felt was subjective and if you disagree with me, too bad!
10. The Lost World: Jurassic Park: Though not quite as bad as 2001's Jurassic Park 3, this movie was a huge let-down. I was expecting something great after seeing the first one and after reading the novel. Not only did it have nothing, not even in it's most elementary form, to do with the source material, but it just completely sucked. Jeff Goldblum and his black (wtf?) daughter killing velociraptors with gymnastics? It just spells B-O-X O-F-F-I-C-E P-O-I-S-O-N. Shame on you Spielberg.
9. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: This bizarre little comedy launched Jim Carey to super stardom. But it's totally stupid. So stupid to the point of not even being funny for it's own stupidity. What seems to be a horrifyingly bad cult film brought in a ton of money at the box-office. I actually liked this when I was a kid. Seeing it now, well, clearly I wasn't the smartest kid around.
8. Independence Day: They don't get much louder, bigger or dumber than this. Will Smith plays a macho egotist (nothing new here), Bill Pullman plays the President with a raspy voice and bad speeches, Jeff Goldblum plays a scientist (again, nothing new here) and they all band together to save the world from evil aliens that forgot to install Norton AntiVirus software on their Mother Ship computer! Poor dumb aliens!
7. Carnosaur: Weeks before Jurassic Park was released in 1993, Roger Corman released "coincidentally" this awful movie about a misanthrope woman who wants to kill off the human race and replace it with dinosaurs by impregnating women with chicken/dinosaur eggs. Not only is this an awful rip-off of Alien, but a disgrace to humanity. Packed with crap-tacular puppet dinosaurs and enough continuity errors to make Ed Wood look consistent, Carnosaur delivers the bads. It tries to redeem itself with Dr. Strangelove references and other "high brow" things, but only ends up being more foolish you could imagine.
6. Child's Play 3: I love this film on a purely nostalgic "so bad it's good" level, but there's no denying it's bad. Not only is it bad, it's horrible. A more accurate title would be Full Metal Chucky, for it's shameless attempt to emulate, more specifically RIP-OFF, Kubrick's classic. Chucky stalks a boy in military camp to steal his soul. He ends up finding a little black boy instead and decides, as he says in the film, "Just think! Chucky's going to be a bro!" Shame, shame, shame! Only watch this film if you're as stupid as me.
7. Ace Ventura 2: They couldn't learn from their first lesson. The second film is even dumber than the first, with Jim Carey acting like a total idiot trying to capture the only animal he's afraid of: bats. The plot is bad, the movie is bad! Everything about it is bad, bad, BAD! This movie sucks! (Did I mention it's bad?)
6. Cliffhanger: Rocky scales mountains!? Will he fall and die!? Who cares?
5. Pauly Shore Movies: Yes, Pauly Shore movies. Who else remembers Pauly Shore, or the wu-huh-ee-zu-ell? He ruled the 90's with an iron fist, lurking around every corner with such crap as Encino Man or Son In Law. He might be funny if you smoke pot..if you're ten years old...if you're evil...if you're a total idiot. I was disappointed when I found out he wasn't dead as his newest movie claimed. I lump his movies in this one number 5 spot. They're equally bad.
4. Werewolf: Joe Estevez stars in one of the absolute worst films ever made. An english speaking movie with nobody english speaking in it. There are bugs, bats, and Halloween masks, but no werewolves to be seen. I would give you a brief synopsis of the plot, but there is none. It's so bad that describing it is impossible. See it if you must, but you might die when you realize how bad movies can actually be.
3. Home Alone 3: I got a great idea. Let's make a movie that's exactly like the other two, except let's change the whole cast, make it incredibly stupid and stamp "Home Alone" on it, to mislead them - and steal everyone's hard earned money. We're better than that though. All people who had seen this movie and lived should have their own veterans' day!
2. Blair Witch Project: The only movie bold enough to strip itself entirely of plot, character, story, cinematography, lighting, editing, directing and anything else movies are usually associated with. Ebert gave this 4 stars. Shows how much he knows. The most profitable movie of all time considering it was made on a budget of four cents. Why so many people went to see a fake documentary, I'll never know. This movie declares what Moviezsche had predicted: "Movies are dead! We have killed them!"
1. Batman and Robin: Not only the worst movie of the 90's, but possibly the worst movie of all time. Arnold Governator plays Mr. Freeze and George Looney plays Batman. This movie is so bad that they went so low as to include nipples on the suits of Batman, Robin AND Batgirl! Uma Thruman hogs the camera in the worst way while Ah-nold stumbles and says contradictary things like: "Freeze in hell!" A movie so bad that you may never be able to experience even the most superficial kind of joy again. Stay clear of it! For God's sake!
ULTIMATE BAD MOVIE OF THE 90'S: Armageddon. This movie is so bad that it exists outside of a top ten worst movie's list. It transcends it. It is a movie so bad that itcannot even be talked about. Seeing this movie is a dangerous task. I advise you NOT to see it. Side effects include blindness, loss of sexual drive, cancer, heart disease and Ben Affleck burned into your mind. You have been warned!
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forrest_rice
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