Finding Your Happy Place
Mar 08 '06
The Bottom Line A man without a happy place is merely a simulacrum of a man, sewn together with the stitch and needle of eternal despair.
Doesn’t life just p-ss you off sometimes? On those days when every effort to fight the power is met with defeat? Every now and then, all you can do after waking up on the wrong side of the bed is roll out from underneath it and buck up for what you know is going to be the sh-ttiest day of your life.
Days like these can wear away at your smile, whittling it down to a nubby half-frown. They reduce the quality of your livelihood. They have all the potential to eat you for breakfast and poop you out like a turd. In the highs and lows of life, they are definitely not highs, and most certainly are lows.
It doesn’t matter what brings these kind of days on. Sometimes it’s something as stupid as kidney stones. Other times it’s because your head is sporting a rebellious hair boner that won’t conform with the other hairs. Usually, it’s just because you’re due for some good old fashioned crap, and the sh-tty day fairy has come to collect.
Only one thing stands between you and that shrieking vortex of gloom: Your happy place. You must find it. You must get there. You must roll around in it like a puppy. Only when you have done that will you stand a chance of forcing back the bad mood demons that threaten to make you miserable.
Contrary to popular belief, the ‘happy place’ is not a geographical location, nor is it a spot on the body. It’s an intangible essence that cools your fiery nerves whilst soothing your boiling blood. It is the almighty sensation that everything will be alright. Finding the happy place is not unlike baking a cake, and here’s the recipe:
1) First you’ve got to think of a goofy a-s song to play in your mind. This first step is crucial, as it sets the tone for finding your happy place. If you can’t think of one then just think of Oingo Boingo’s ‘Weird Science’. Used sparingly, that song will never fail you.
2) Next you need a pseudo humiliating memory that directly involved you. I’m not talking SUPER humiliating, like getting caught jerking off or anything like that. I’m talking something more in the realm of laughing at a friend’s joke and a snot glob reaches from your nose and latches to your upper lip. Yeah. That’s a good one.
3) Sometimes it’s easy to forget that other people suck and you are the center of the world. Now would be a good time to remember.
By now you might feel an involuntary smile creep across your lips. You are well on your way to attaining ‘happy place’ nirvana.
4) Think of something cute. Like kittens! Think of a kitten hobbling about on its newfound legs.
5) Think of someone you would like to kick the sh-t out of. Play out an entire scene in your head that could well have come from a kung-fu movie, with you kung-fuing this person’s a-s into the next hemisphere. As the fantasy plays out onscreen in your mind, you might wonder where all your kung-fu powers come from. That’s entirely up to you.
6) Think about all the times in your life that you’ve been through absolute hell but in the end came out smelling like roses. Think about how that, though you may feel weak now, you’ve become stronger as a whole than you ever have been. Acknowledge that what goes down must come up. Do things you’ve been putting off and free your mind.
7) Stop being so serious.
Seriously.
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Epinions.com ID:
annexation
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Member: Mark Anthony Brooks
Location: Indiana
Reviews written: 24
Trusted by: 248 members
About Me:
Dealing douchebaggery since the summer of 2000.
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