Written in November 2001, in the eyes of our Lord, William Gates. The Savior of our world. If thou shalt not believe in him, thou shalt burn in Macintosh Hell. For it is said in the Bible, that all non-believers will die!

Written by Father Patach, Priest of the New Microsoft XP church of Bill.*

Microsoft Windows, when I say these two words together, side-by-side, all kneel down and bow to its great monopoly of operating systems. Not only is it the number one best seller, and put into almost every machine... but it also is the least in stability and quality.

All those dark nights in the computer, you were tortured by its great executioner... the Blue screen of death (a screen that pops up which usually freezes your computer). Every key that you stroke, every program that you launched, everything that you did... all led to the Blue screen of death.

In days, you found that the Windows was far from User friendly. The tortures you had to endure to put up with this monster. Rolling icons, frustrating dumb "programming errors" that you don't know what's about (always those dumb numbers VXD errors, sheesh. Dumb problems with hardware all that time where it brought you again, to its great executioner... the deadly Blue Screen of Death.

Windows didn't just have a monopoly on operating systems... it had a monopoly on instability and the Blue screen of Death made sure you never saw the light of day again.

But there is light. Bill Gates, the great demon of Hell... more powerful than God, and more evil than Satan himself! Has come again to drop his cold blood on thee. And what ho! He has created a new monster, far superior than the last. A monster that will bring you love and care... and choke the life out of the economy. The great Mac OS and the great Linux will fall in the eyes of Microsoft Windows XP, the third and Final Beast (1st beast was Windows 3.1, 2nd was Windows 95, Now XP... read Revelations it's all in there).

For it is said that this day will come. A good Microsoft Operating system, one that will surprise even the most Anti-Microsoft heathens that know... yes, to see the light and true power of Bill Gates. Gates said he would come back, and he did... to kill and banish the Blue Screen of Death from all of existence. Yes, we have reached a new state of world... and Bill Gates, the Lord of Borders have made it so.

But most non-believer heretics will say "But Father Patach, art thou blind? Microsoft would never give pity to the common folk. Bill Gates is not going to come back. Bill Gates does not exist. He is only a fragment of a religion's imagination."

But thou art wrong.

Let us start at the basics:

When Windows 98 was up and running, turning on the computer and waiting for it to start up would sometimes take a minute or two. The sheer torture that this OS has caused just by starting up would make one gag and choke and die. Blood from your veins would boil, and thou shall scream in pain. As even at the start, this OS would torture you for about one minute or two, making you have to WAIT to use your computer, and making you have to lie in silence for it to boot up the OS.

But in the world of XP, the OS starts up after 5-10 seconds. A brief XP sign will appear right after your PC loads up everything. The brief XP will then continue the loading. And boot you to the OS right away, instead of the minute or two of 98 Hell.

At first, the site of the XP is sick! The clunkiness of the new look of XP shocks all that sees it. The start menu is bulked up, and all the icons are super large. But the bible says our savior will come on a donkey... not a horse. XP's looks may be deceiving... but it shows its true capability to solve the most difficult tasks. Looks are not everything...

Besides, you can change the clunky look back to standard windows look in the settings option anyways, so it's much more smaller and more efficient to deal with.

The XP deprives all the Macintosh demons of the world. Most Mac heathens would say “Ha! Fiction! Microsoft can never make an efficient product. The XP will crash. The XP will freeze! The XP will contain a huge number of errors and can’t run anything.”

The XP is a very improved version of windows. It’s been about a month with my new computer and my new XP OS. I have only had to reboot the computer once in this time. About three years ago with my other computer that I bought with the Windows 98, I froze my computer more times than there were pages in the bible. The XP is very stable and has ran programs with a much more higher efficiency than the ordinary torturous windows. Even when a program freezes, XP can immediately allow you to disable to program using the system task manager that we so hated in the 98 and 2000 Windows. This system task manager didn’t have to take 30 tries to actually (if it could) work. Instead, a click of a button can close the program with ease, no strings attached.

The system also includes extra things, such as its own cd writing software, an improved Media Player, and a navigational system so much better than the ones on 95,98, and 2000.

The programs that you start up, sometimes for people like me, who have to mass startup everything, organizes the programs and doesn’t flood the task bar. Instead, it puts many of the same subject in a box for you to click on and open up for later use. Device drivers can also be done in the same way, since they do block the clock a lot in the 98 version. This OS is very organized and looks pretty to boot.

The Media Player contains a built in cd-writing software that doubles the speed in cd writing from other software programs for audio cd writing. The windows explorer (program that is a file manager) is much more well organized, and it too, has a built in cd writing option for people that want to make organized data cds as soon as possible without going through all the crap in Roxio.

Most windows products can run on the XP, even though a few, such as Easy CD Creator 5.0 has some problems on it. However, most programs have uploaded a patch to run their software on the XP OS, which allows people to enjoy the programs from beginning to end without the fear of the XP getting in their way.

Alas, our Lord and Savior… Bill Gates entered the marketplace. It was to be a place of worship for Windows… but it was a place too outdated. They used 98 drivers. They were the prime sinners of the pack! So Bill Gates ran around the marketplace, causing pain and havok. “THIS IS A TEMPLE OF OUR LORD, WINDOWS! AND YOU HAVE BEEN MAKING DRIVERS OUTDATED!”

The XP’s biggest downfall is its driver authorization. It sometimes cannot run drivers such as the 3com Cable modem. Though, most of these drivers can be easily upgraded (or for the cable modem… easily skipped to run anyways), this is still very stressful for people that still want to keep their old printers and other sorts of gadgets after doing the conversion. For people that have devices around 5-6 years old, this could be a big problem for you, since most likely, companies will not do an XP conversion on things that old.

Probably most suggested is giving XP a month or so to put itself into the market more. This makes more companies wanting to certify their programs and devices and when you enter the XP world, you will be entering in full gear instead of partial.


But in conclusion, XP is the best operating system out. It runs everything at a better speed, making everything more well organized, and has an OS that never crashes or freezes. It’s heaven. I recommend this “conversion” to the XP, because it’s the future of windows. Besides, would you rather live in a world of 98, where things turn all blue every 3 seconds? Or enter God’s domain of XP?



*Biblical BS is not to be taken seriously. I was really tired, and I was writing a review about Microsoft. C'mon... does anybody really have to take Billy seriously? The biblical BS is technically in symbolism of Bill Gates trying to take over the OS market (almost like trying to be a god). The MAC OS has been one of the most efficient OS in the world, however, on the release of the XP, the Mac could be getting tougher competition.


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