My Dinner With Kristina, My Dinner With Lorrie…
Mar 31 '06
The Bottom Line …because you knew that I just had to post something different
Indecision is a terrible thing…
I've been wondering what to write about the New York Meet and Greet, and it seems that much of what I could say has already been covered. All I could add is my own perspective on these events, and I honestly haven't figured out how I want to do that.
Chalk it up to my wish to always try to post something new and different from the work of everyone else.
I'm weird that way.
But it's this same epi-thinking that led me into a wonderful, though sadly all too brief conversation with the guest of honor for the meet…Lorrie Norrington, CEO of shopping.com. I had the unique pleasure of spending thirty or forty minutes with her and some of the epinions staff at dinner immediately after the gathering at the ESPN Zone.
Before I go any further, maybe I should back up a bit and explain something that's been on my mind lately…
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I've been an epinions member for three and a half years now, and the way I see and use the site has changed significantly over that timespan. At first, my view of epinions was very narrow, centered solely on myself. I posted my Sting reviews and sat back and waited to see how the community would respond to me. It didn't really occur to me that perhaps I should be doing the same for the community until I began receiving some very nice, and quite solid feedback from several members. I began to see the value of the community and building a network of contacts with whom I could discuss music and other common interests.
I wrote for about three or four months, but then got buried in work, not sure how to fit epinions into my life. And so, I withdrew for a time to concentrate on work – I returned late in the summer of 2003 to post more Sting reviews, but also a wider variety of reviews that covered my interests in books, media, and other assorted things. I was still writing TO the community, looking for validation of my worth, always looking for that assurance that I was special to someone. My focus was still on me, but my audience was wider by this time. I was getting addicted to that peculiarly strong drug egoboo, and I liked it…
In 2004, everything changed.
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Early that year, I wrote two reviews, seemingly about two very different things, but unknown to the community, deeply intertwined in my heart.
In February, I posted a review of Fallen by Evanescence in which I said:
You simply cannot listen to Fallen without having some sort of visceral, emotional response - we have all experienced loss, depression, failure, grief or other devastating emotions at one time or another. We are taught to bottle up these feelings, that time will heal all wounds, saying "this, too, shall pass"... the lyrics and sounds of Fallen are the sudden, violent release of pent-up frustration, anger and hidden questions never voiced.
A month later, I posted Grace, an article that expressed some thoughts about the death of our third child – that paragraph I'd written about Fallen was an honest description of my personal response to the music and how it spoke to me about the loss of my daughter, but I knew that I was not the only one to have ever experienced tragic loss. I deliberately said "we" in order to illustrate my feeling that these responses might be universal.
Your responses to Grace were overwhelming, heartfelt – and more importantly - a real wakeup call. Your responses showed me that what I had shared resonated with you, had touched many people in a way I never expected, and it dawned on me that my attitude about epinions was backwards and selfish. By sharing an intimate portrait of a tragedy that my wife and I went through, I was able to give something real of myself to the community, and the responses I received were real pieces of you.
It wasn't about me anymore – it was about us…
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Only a couple weeks after posting Grace, I had the pleasure of enjoying my first meeting with another epinions member, kristinafh. Our online relationship had grown over the recent months as we began to find out that we shared some real things in common – but it was not until during our dinner together that the subject of Grace came up.
When our discussion turned to our recent music reviews, I mentioned my review of Fallen, and something clicked inside her. She saw inside me, she knew instantly that the same paragraph that resonated within her had more meaning for me as well; she put the two reviews together and gathered the courage to ask if I had my daughter in mind when I wrote the review.
That was the moment everything I felt about epinions was changed…
Sitting across from me was not just a friend I knew from epinions – this was Kristina, a real person who had read both the Evanescence review and Grace and could now see how they connected within me. Kristina had undergone her own personal tragedies and she knew what it meant to truly despair. The moment wasn't about me, or her or us - it was about something bigger, something that was somehow more real...
That evening, Kristina and I shared with each other our thoughts and feelings regarding life, death, faith, religion and other subjects most likely not normally discussed over Mexican food in a Dallas restaurant. But this was our time together, this was our moment to connect, and we took it. We had only a few hours together and we made the most of it…we forged a bond that will never be broken, a friendship that will last with or without epinions.
In New York, my wife and I were able to once again sit and talk with Kristina, and she brought us two gifts that show she has not forgotten the real things that we share. Our time was again all too brief (someday Kristina WILL make it to an afterparty), but it showed me again that at the deepest level of participation, epinions should not be about me writing for myself, it should not be about me writing for you – it should be about us, learning to share those real things that we can bring ourselves to give each other. We find our greatest strengths in realizing that there are real people on the other side of the monitor, and in coming together for even just a few hours, we can put away our selfish prejudices and open ourselves to something real.
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Is dinner at Chevy's in Times Square, spending time with the staff of epinions and the CEO of shopping.com something real as well?
I think so.
The group of us that would eventually make our way to an epic five hour karaoke afterparty first made our way into Chevy's, and we finessed the hostess into getting us a table next to the one that Lorrie and the staff had already taken. I lagged behind the group and noted the open chair at the end of Lorrie's table, an open invitation to opportunity sitting ready between her and Greg. I'd briefly met Lorrie when Amy and I visited the Brisbane offices back in December, and I remember having encouraged Lorrie to attend this meet and greet.
I took the chance to seat myself at the table with Lorrie and the rest of her group, and we struck up the conversation I had wished we could have had in Brisbane.
We talked a lot about methods, processes, issues and other seemingly mundane IT type issues – all of us share these things in common. I tried to share my own outlook on the epinions community, and my own hopes for how we could improve the business and the community. Lorrie, Greg and Andy were all very open and honest with me, and shared their own views about epinions and the community as well as some of the things that they hoped to accomplish soon.
As we discussed all these things, I was again reminded of the strong feeling of community that I had shared with Kristina, and with so many others from among not just the music category, but across books, movies, home and garden, electronics, travel and so many more. And I saw that the community included the staff as well – they are as bound up and invested in our community, if not even more, as we all are. Lorrie spoke with conviction about the things she hopes to do, and her words, as well as those said by Andy and Greg resonated within me. The sense of community was strong at that table and I felt welcomed among those I would consider more knowledgeable, more "in" than myself.
It was real. It wasn't about me, and it wasn't about them. It was about us.
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Epinions is a community of real people. There are so many ways, so many levels at which one may choose to be involved with this community. Some hold back, some bring everything they've got. It doesn't always work when two persons collide in a comment, two differing attitudes on opposing sides of the computer screen. There are so many opportunities for misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and misgivings (and misguided overuse of words beginning with mis)
In New York City, fifty or sixty of your fellow epinions members came together to do something real. Some met for the first time, others renewing old acquaintances. I found that my outlook on epinions is solid – it is a place where completely diverse people can come together and share something unique, something special
All it takes is a decision to be real…
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Epinions.com ID:
bob_tomato
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 - Top 500 |
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Member: Andrew
Location: Dallas Metroplex
Reviews written: 285
Trusted by: 211 members
About Me:
no more thhppptttt...
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