Top Ten Ways to Give Your Child the Best Chance In Education (and Life)
Apr 08 '06
The Bottom Line A better education (and thus a better life) doesn't happen at school, it happens at home. Teach by example, teach your child to excel and they will.
**This is a part of mmcphee's Advice Write-Off
Parents all over the world want to give their children the best shot in life. They want their babies to succeed beyond their wildest dreams, to have everything that makes them happy. It's just natural. When I look at my son, I want him to do his best... and I want to do everything in my power to help him succeed. To many of us this means we want to give our child the best education possible -- be their advocate. We search for the best schools, buy them educational toys and constantly ask ourselves if we really are doing enough. A good education unlocks doors that don't exist for many people -- doors to a better job, better working conditions, better pay, better benefits...
Through my years of teaching I have seen good parents and I've seen bad parents. I have picked up many techniques I want to use with my children, and I have learned how NOT to treat my child. I learned quite a few lessons these past few years and I would like to share a few of them with you. You can't control everything that happens in your child's life, but every little bit of advice helps. Another thing... I know you are busy, but most of these things don't take horribly long, just a few minutes every day. While it may be an inconvenience to you, it will be worth the world to your child.
**Please note: These are mainly observations I have had through dealing with over 150 students a year. Are they stereotypes? Probably. Were they true for EVERY student? No, but it's my opinion... and this is MY advice column. Take what you can, and leave the rest behind.
1. Read to your child every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY... when they get older, have them read to you. Did you know that the vast majority of 10th graders can barely (if at all) read at grade level? While I did teach math, the gross spelling and grammatical errors I encountered stunned me. The students could read, but they couldn't comprehend... it was a shocker. When a child cannot comprehend what they are reading, all areas of work suffer.
You CAN teach your child to be an avid reader if you show them it is IMPORTANT to you. Teach by example -- read a book in your spare time instead of watching TV. Require they read "x" books a month, or provide rewards if they do (reading will eventually become a reward all by itself). Encourage your child to find a genre they like -- no matter if it is science fiction or mystery. My son is 4 months old and I've been reading to him on a daily basis, at least once every day, since he turned a month old. My son's library already encompasses a whole bookcase (old books from our childhoods), though I try to stick to Dr. Seuss right now. The better reader your child is, the better they will do in school. This is almost a universal fact. After all, if they can't read (or comprehend what they're reading) how can they understand history, science or math?
2. Contact your child's teacher the first week of school. Trust me, we like involved parents (just don't harass us all the time, we're busy)... involved parents usually mean a better behaved child. Introduce yourself; tell a little about your son/daughter... behavior, likes/dislikes, etc. Give us contact numbers (cell phone, home phone, work phone, etc), email addresses, a home address – whatever we can use to get in touch with you. Yes, we can look this up ourselves, but usually the school's information is inaccurate. Do you know how many students our school didn't have phone numbers for? It was insane. Let the teacher know your expectations, but be reasonable. Understand that we have over 150 students; we can't email parents every time their child fails a test. Establishing a good rapport with your child's teacher means you will be the first on the list to be contacted if the child misbehaves or does something good! The teacher is an invaluable tool in your child's life, get to know them.
Also, try to keep in contact with them throughout the year. Sometimes your child is doing something that is irritating, but wouldn't necessarily warrant a call home and if you call us at random... we'll tell you about it. In addition, keep us apprised of circumstances at home. It helps us know how to deal with a student who is going through a rough time (unbeknownst to us). Many times we'll extend a helping hand to a student going through a rough patch -- but we don't know unless you tell us.
In addition, we won't lie to you. Trust me. You won't believe the number of times I've heard "well my son/daughter said she didn't talk during your class and you were just mean to her for no reason. My child would never lie to me." Come on, you have to be kidding me... are you that naive? Of COURSE your child will lie to you. If I tell you your child disturbs my class every day, comes tardy, violates dress code or whatever... I'm telling you the truth, I promise. Also, please discipline your child. Please? True story: I called this one mother eight times because her son was completely out of control in my class (getting up during lectures, throwing stuff at people, making rude comments... etc) and each time she said "Well thank you for telling me, I'll talk to him about it again tonight." It got to the point where I would send this student to the office 3 or 4 days each week, finally I had to call a ninth time and she said "Well I'll talk to him again." Listen, lady, obviously TALKING isn't working here. Let's try something else. Your son is causing the other 30 kids in my class to not learn Geometry, you need to discipline him. I can't discipline him, the front office WON'T discipline him, so YOU need to. Respect me. I have earned respect (I work well over 60 hours a week for $30,000 a year and I can get 35 kids at a time to sit down and shut up... I HAVE EARNED RESPECT). Please teach your child to respect me. I am an authority figure, not someone to be belittled, ignored or talked down to.
3. This ties in with number 2, but... Go to the Open House. Your child DOES appreciate it, even in high school. They help you see your child's teacher as a real person, instead of the voice on the other end of the line. Sometimes teachers bring their family -- I brought my husband a few times. This allows you to see that teachers are human. You get to see what their day is like, what the plan for the year is -- you get to be inside your child's world for a few hours. This gives many parents better insight into their child's daily lives. You get to ask questions -- what is your philosophy on homework, projects, late work, etc. This allows you to put what your child says in perspective. You also get to read the class's syllabus. Everything important is in there -- grading scale, required materials, class rules, etc. I have had parents tell me that their child says I take late work, even though it is written three times in my syllabus that I don't.
Remember, if a teacher sends something home (most teachers I know require a signature on the syllabus from the parent stating they read it), it is important. Read it carefully.
4. Keep up with your child's work. Please don't take their word that they've done their homework (unless they truly are trustworthy). Get into the routine of having your children do their homework in an open space (like the kitchen table), and actually check over it at the end. Every. single. day. Make sure they do their homework first, instead of saving it to the last minute (this would prevent many late trips to Wal-Mart to buy a posterboard for a project due tomorrow). Every two weeks I would make a list of parents to call if their child was failing and the most common questions was "Why?" Do you know the most common answer I gave? Your child isn't doing their homework. I would then be assured they were because their child SAID they were doing the math homework. Their children were lying to them because they didn't want to do their work. Trust me, children will lie to you. Even the best child lies occasionally... I promise.
If they are young, go over their homework. Make sure it is neat and orderly. If it isn't, make them redo it. Make sure the work is shown for math problems (even if the teacher doesn't require it), the question is rewritten and the answers are circled. Good study habits are created and most students will not form them unless taught by an adult. Eventually even the smartest child will need good study habits... better to develop them early.
5. This goes hand in hand with the point above -- PLEASE DON'T DO YOUR CHILD'S HOMEWORK OR PROJECTS FOR THEM. They don't learn a darned thing except that mommy and daddy will pull their butts out of any little fire. You know what? If they can't complete a project because they waited too long, too bad. Let them fail. In the long run you will be teaching your student something far more valuable. Don't call the teacher and demand your child get more time; don't cover for your child at all. Sometimes we have to let them fail to teach them the right way.
The worst part is that we teachers KNOW when a parent has done the work. If your child can barely use the English language, then all of a sudden is using words like "eloquent"... we know. We can't fail your child because we can't PROVE you did it, so we grit our teeth and put a passing grade on the project.
Also, talk to your child about plagiarism and cheating. Make it known that it won't be tolerated. Don't defend your child when they are caught. Now it is getting even easier to plagiarize, but it is also getting easier to CATCH plagiarism. I had a parent call me every name in the book, threatening to have me fired, because I called her to let her know I caught her son plagiarizing an essay on famous mathematicians. We eventually had a parent conference where I produced an essay I found online that was the almost exact copy of her child's. I had the plagiarized areas highlighted and marked. She made a fool out of herself because she refused to hear the facts, defending her son without seeing the whole picture. Why would I lie? What would I have to gain from it? Ask yourselves that.
6. Keep track of when report cards and progress reports come out. In Florida, report cards go out every nine weeks (the district's website will usually have a calendar that outlines these dates), and progress reports go out every 4.5 weeks. If you go 8 weeks without receiving anything, your child has hidden it from you. There is only one reason a child would hide something like that, and it isn't a good reason. If there is something on your child's report that you don't like, or have a question about, contact the teacher! Not the administration, not the guidance office, the teacher. Schedule a conference or simply talk on the phone. Discuss various ways to improve your child's grade -- most teachers are more than willing to provide tips on how to improve grades, and many are willing to stay after for extra tutoring! Children do better when they know their parents are paying attention!
7. Please... please... please... Do not allow your child to stay home from school if they aren't deathly ill. Do you know the absentee rate on the days of tests and project due dates? It is ridiculous, and the parents excuse it! Many of the parents I have talked to were even aware their child wasn't sick and wanted extra time to study for the test (or work on the project). That's NOT FAIR to everyone else playing by the rules. Again, what are you teaching your child? Life won't let you miss an important presentation because you aren't prepared -- don't allow them to think that's the way the world is wired.
I would also recommend that you take any weeklong vacations during the summer, spring or winter breaks. Do you know how hard it is for students to catch up if they miss a week straight of school? This is especially true in high school, where the classes have much more homework and are more demanding. Almost universally, students who have missed more than 3 days straight have their grades suffer. They end up not being able to turn in the missed work on time, and they will need extra tutoring (especially in higher level math).
8. Don't belittle any subject. I've had kids tell me "My mom says I don't need math because she doesn't do math in her job." Just because you don't use algebra in your occupation doesn't mean your child won't. Do you realize that most of the majors in college require some kind of advanced mathematics? A Bachelor of Science in Business has a CALCULUS requirement. The stronger of a foundation a child has in math, the more successful they will be. You want a strong foundation in high school (when help is easy to get) so they can start strong in college. Now that I think about it, virtually every major I can think of requires calculus or statistics (even History).
History, chemistry, biology, physics, English, math -- they're all important. Just because you didn't like them, or you don't use them every day doesn't mean your child won't. Teach them to appreciate the fine art of LEARNING, which will benefit them for their entire life. Some of my students are shocked to find out that I'm constantly trying to learn new things by researching the net and watching the History Channel...
9. Teach them to never give up, never surrender, and be strong. One of my favorite students last year (in PreCalculus) wasn't one of the smartest ones. She was funny, sweet, and above all... a hard-worker. She was determined to learn PreCalc, even if she had to stay after school every day for extra tutoring (which I freely provided). Failed a test? Do better next time. Study harder, do more homework, get help!! Teach them to NEVER, EVER be ashamed to participate in class. They need to realize that if they don't understand something, there's a good chance that everyone else is struggling as well... Do you know how frustrating it is to hear that students didn't understand the homework because they didn't understand the examples? If ONE STUDENT had spoken up, everyone would have done better and no time would have been wasted. There's no shame in asking questions or participating in class -- teach them to be strong and independent. Stand out from the crowd and speak up if they don't understand something.
10. Above all, above everything else... Teach your child to always do their best. Make sure they know you're proud of them as long as they tried their hardest. Who would you be more proud of -- the child who doesn't put any effort into the class and makes a B, or the child who works their tail off and earns a C? The child who is a hard-worker, who tries their best, is the one you should be proud of... no matter what the grade.
In PreCalculus, many students hit a wall... They would be able to skip homework, never study, and still make an "A"... Then the real math, the tough stuff, emerges. I had a girl bawling because she failed my Chapter 1 test -- the first failing grade she had ever received in her entire life -- and she wanted to drop my class. We sat down after school and I asked her if she had tried her best. She said "yes." I then asked her if she had studied the night before, if she had worked on PreCalc every night and tried every problem, if she had asked questions or come to me for extra help... of course the answer was no. We then looked over her homework, sloppily done... very little work shown, answers weren't circled, done in completely random order... Had she done her best? I told her to give herself one more chance, and you know what? She worked harder and received the highest grade in the class... It was amazing what a little extra elbow grease got her -- renewed confidence and a sense of pride.
This will take some extra work on your part as well -- many children don't know what their best is until they are shown. This is probably the hardest thing to do on the list because you have to show them how to work hard. That student didn't think to get tutoring, become more organized or change her study habits until I showed her the way. Students have a natural tendency to search for the easy way out -- it's much easier to take a lower grade, or take a slower class, than to give up some free time (after all, which is better... playing video games or doing math problems?). The status quo is easier for your child, so they will stick with it. Don't allow them to; force them to try their best. I always had a problem with students transferring out of my class because it was "too hard." What that meant was that they didn't want to do the work required -- it wasn't any harder than other teachers, I just required more effort. I didn't take late work, I had them do homework every night, my tests weren't the pansy cakewalks that other teachers gave... but my kids had some of the best FCAT (not to mention SAT) scores in the entire school. I couldn't believe the number of parents who sided with their children and let them slide on to an easier class. Again, what lesson are you teaching them? If you don't want to work hard, you don't have to?
If your children work hard and try their best, they will always succeed.
Overall
Don't make excuses for your children and don't do everything for them... just BE THERE for them. Be there for their recital. Be there for their ball game. Be there for their graduation. The students who always did the best in my class were the students whose parents always expected hard work and were ALWAYS there for them. They were the students whose parents taught them manners (please and thank you, sir/ma'am, excuse me), taught them to follow the rules (even the stupid ones), taught them to respect their elders, taught them to excel. Remember, most children have to be taught these things. Allowing your child to give up begets a vicious cycle that will continue for the rest of their lives if it isn't stopped. Students have lost the concept of choice/consequence, and I believe we need to re-instill that in them. If they choose not to do their homework, they receive a 0. If they choose not to study, they fail the test. If they choose to skip class the day of a test, they don't get to take it. Parents need to reinforce the choice/consequence scheme (if they fail a test because they chose not to do their homework, they get their cell phone taken away), as do the teachers themselves.
Those things I listed above aren't truly hard to do, but they do take time. It takes work and dedication, a little effort and a lot of love. Let your child see how much you care -- volunteer at the school, chaperone field trips, help them with their homework (but don't do it for them!). Teach by example -- watch the History Channel and Discovery Network... read a book... go for a walk... eat dinners together as a family, show them how life should be instead of how life is in this world. THAT will give them the best chance in life. Teach them things outside of school -- don't rely on school to teach them everything, supplement it. Make vacations a learning experience -- go to museums, national monuments, parks... These ten things aren't out of the ordinary, but you'd be amazed at how few parents actually do the things I've listed. There are always excuses, always explanations... that needs to stop. If parents continue to make excuses for their actions (instead of owning up to them), we are teaching our children to make the same excuses.
It truly doesn't matter what school your child goes to -- public or private... To some extent it doesn't even matter what teacher your child has, it all depends on you and your child. As long as your child knows you are there to guide them, nurture them and love them (but not to push them, rush them or do things for them), they will succeed and thrive. Many students just need that extra push, that extra spark... you can give them that at home!
PS: Be kind to your child's teachers. Do you know how hard it is to be a teacher? How many hours I work, how long I stay at school, how tough it is to constantly strive to be the best teacher possible? Get them a card at Christmas, tell them their hard work is appreciated... it'll make their year! :) And in the end, a happy teacher is a better teacher
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