In Which I Throw Down The Nordic Gauntlet
Jun 17 '06
The Bottom Line The bottom line has ten dollars on Soren.
I have recently noted a disturbing trend at Epinions. There seems to be a rash of recent racist offenses occurring and I cannot sit idly by while they are being digitally perpetrated.
I hate to point fingers. Instead, I shall give you the hyperlink to a hyper-text markup language document, the dirty deeds referred to laying therein.
http://www.epinions.com/content_228406955652
As you read carefully along, alarmed at my hints of intrigue upon this glamorous Website, you may find yourself horrified. I do not blame you. Indeed, I could barely contain my retching. Note the truant's name, and note it well.
His offense? Glance no further than the first sentence of the second paragraph. He heaps indignity upon the motherland, Finland, when he hails from...N...N...NORWAY. I find his comparison to McDonald's tasteless and brash, akin to eating several pounds of ginger and expecting your harem to kiss you. Further piling insult, lumping Mexico and Finland in the same sentence makes his faux pas fatal.
Since I see none stepping forward to defend Her honor, I take it upon myself to hereby issue a CHALLENGE so that I may defend the glory of Suomi.
I charge a Mr. Soren Rask to defend his Vikingosity upon pain of death in a variety of Nordic duels, not the least of which involves distance running of epic proportion. Fear not, citizen! I am a collegiate runner, and he is a smoker. I shall break him over my knee. The more trying parts of these duels may in fact be the consumption of gluttonous qualities of alcohol that my diminutive weight and virgin tongue will surely falter before. The culmination of the trials shall be a wolfskin-clad battle with stone clubs that neither of our puny frames can truly lift.
I invite Mr. Rask to respond with additional varieties to which I can prove upon his body that FINLAND is the mother of all Nordic countries and her womb should be held as holy. I welcome such esoteric challenges as zaba wioslo, the strange Polish variant of Ping Pong in which bullfrogs are used as paddles. I contend that as Finland's representative, I can drop rhymes faster, cook couscous quicker (and fluffier), invent wittier names for plastic skulls, and unicycle with more deftness than any in Norway. And by any, I mean he.
The floor is yours, sir.
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Epinions.com ID:
gadlor
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Location: Hoboken, NJ, USA
Reviews written: 77
Trusted by: 11 members
About Me:
Deep in the night.
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