In perfect eHarmony? Hmmm ...
Written: Oct 10 '09 (Updated Oct 21 '09)
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After a relatively sobering experience on Match.com a special in my mailbox fell on fertile ground. Yes, the competition may be the answer and 3 months for $60 aren't cheap, but since it's supposedly that much for a single month I didn't hesitate to try this gadget. Already preconditioned to not expect too much anymore, I still was surprised how different eHarmony.com works and feels. Read on for details ...
IN A NUTSHELL
The difference between eHarmony.com and Match.com is in the approach they're taking. Match.com appears to be all about quantity, and the resulting tools and holes allow for a frustrating High school atmosphere where scams and popular "kids" run the roost. Nevertheless, there is lots of activity all the time. On the other hand, eHarmony is a much more exclusive approach which not only cuts access for scams to a minimum by only allowing paying members to communicate, but it also is a bit more expensive. Naturally, traffic is much less, and the frustration may be with a rather limited number of members, but at least they're mostly real. (It turns out that Match doesn't have many more real members either once you sort out the scams and inactive accounts.)
So eHarmony.com is basically safer and more realistic than mentioned competition. The guided approach is a very effective tool to not let members jump to conclusions too quickly by providing too much information too quickly.
Yet, eHarmony has its quirks and one would be that when presented with a match, you have no way of telling if that account is still active. You also will never know if someone has reviewed your questions but chose to ignore it. Overall members seem to be much less too.
While eHarmony's exclusive environment may be helpful, that's of course rather secondary when there are no matches to be had in your area.
MATCH.com vs. eHARMONY.com
Despite the common goal, both services couldn't be any more different and still remain meaningful for their clients. Main differences as they presented themselves to me ...
Match.com:
- cheaper by the dozen, and free trial allows communication
- opportunity creates crooks => lots of scams
- big activity w/ lots of members, scams and all
- full disclosure right away, possibly t.m.i.
- free browsing of all members (match or not)
- iPhone application available (basic)
- separated members welcome (not yet divorced)
- inactive accounts listed, but with last activity date posted
- in-browser IM feature (though a bit iffy)
- no real safety features other than anonymous account
- premium only: receipt allows to see if members read your message
eHarmony:
- more expensive and no interaction before it's paid
- exclusive policy effectively eliminates scams
- exclusivity => small community, few matches
- guided process to focus on personality
- no free browsing, view only "compatible" matches
- no iPhone application, browser access only
- no separated members allowed
- no inactive accounts(?), no activity date listed
- no IM feature
- safety features: relyID, safe phone calls
- no feedback if members received your communications
On paper, Match.com seems like the "better" mouse trap, but turns out to be a service that's too worried about quantity (new members = $$$) and opens way too many doors for scams which makes the whole thing a very frustrating experience. It also creates a sort of online shopping experience with a Highschool attitude. eHarmony, on the other hand can be frustrating due to the limited number of matches, but at least one can be somewhat certain that they're real people ... provided you get an answer. Yet, one new match every 10 days or so is not a glowing recommendation either. Nevertheless, it's probably not that different on Match.com once you exclude the useless matches (scams, inactive, ...).
DETAILS
Subscription: [***--] While there are now "free" weekends, eHarmony is still a paying-members-only kind of deal. Generally, the $59/mo. for normal basic subscription isn't exactly cheap. For the patient user, you may generate a profile (free) and wait for the offers to show up in your mailbox. In my case, it didn't take long for 3 months to be offered for the price of one. (Unlike Match.com it's truly charged in three installments.) The actual subscription process is as easy as filling in your profile which isn't all that extensive at first. Nevertheless, even when complete, your profile page will still claim the profile is incomplete simply because you didn't subscribe to the RelyID service ($5.99/yr.). eHarmony also offers a life review of your profile, but frankly the $99 are better spend elsewhere unless you're totally clueless.
Community: [***--] As already mentioned, eHarmony really allows only paying members to do anything more than wink. For reasons Match.com has become a very frustrating service, eHarmony is virtually scam and prankster free. Of course the high price and the very restrictive membership (i.e. you're not allowed to signed up when you're separated) has a "dark side": In the last 10 days there was only one new match and that means it can be discouraging that most of the days there are no new matches (fake or real). Relaxing your requirements sometimes adds a few members, but overall it seems to be very limited in my area. This makes me believe that inactive accounts are generally not visible, though out of the initial 24 matches only 4 showed any signs of life (one immediately closed and three actually started the guided process). Of course that's a much greater success than the 2 or 3 responses I got out of hundreds of "matches" on Match.com. It's not possible to determine by yourself if and when a presented eHarmony match has been last active. (Or how long someone has been a member, let alone if it's actually a paying member.)
Interaction: [****-] It seems that eHarmony is trying hard to keep members within the proposed process as much as possible. You can request open conversation (which is the same as any other site), but prefers to have a guided process which helps develop a story rather than dumping all the information on you. It's a very good idea as it allows to focus on a person's answers. Further, matches are highly selective and a general browse feature does not exist. When matches are made, it shows up in both mailboxes and you have the choice to start communication (open, guided, or just an icebreaker) or close it right away if you're already sure it's not what you want. Yes, that's likely to be the picture, but you're kind of forced to make that decision rather than ignore as it otherwise will remain in your list of matches. Be advised that closing a match really means you will NEVER have an opportunity to open it back up again. eHarmony offers protected phone calls (and yes they cost extra), in case you want to talk on the phone and not reveal your number. (Generally you can do the same for free by blocking your callerID, but it's offered nevertheless.)
Guided Process: [*****] Aside from icebreakers (different winks, that can be customized to your main reason to make yourself visible other than Match.com's generic "wink". There is only one per match, so use it wisely. Since you're listed on both sides, you won't need it to initiate conversation, but rather might reserve it to get it going again in case it stalled. So overall the guided process allows to see the generic profile and over the course of about 10 interactions you ask actual questions which need to be answered to progress. You also share each other's "must haves" and "can't stands", and it's kinda interesting to see the other person evolve in the process. Of course some of it may raise questions and that's all part of the open communication. (You can initially request to bypass and go direct to the open part.)
Safety: [****-] Of course harping the standard song of one can never be too careful and stuff, eHarmony offers a number of safety nets that make it more trustworthy than for instance Match.com. The limitation to non-paying customers reduces the number of scammer effectively (since they want to make money not pay), further the relyID is a good feature if you want to verify that you're really talking to the person he/she claims to be. It's also a failsafe sign that it's a paying member as this is only available to regular members and obviously is paid for as well. The safe phone call is recommended when you're still not sure, but of course a good con artist is probably not going to be exposed via phone. ;-)
Value: [***--] I have to admit that the normal price of $59/mo. (plus extras) is one of the highest and certainly caused me first to sign up with mentioned competition. Nevertheless, over time and with the help of a special that cut cost to about 1/3, I finally got to appreciate eHarmony (though there are frustrating moments). Once you experience the scam dynamics on the other site, you will like the restrictions eHarmony puts on those things. The guided process is unique and well thought out. Now, if there were more members it may actually be THE site to use. Unfortunately, there don't seem to be all that many despite all the advertisements on TV. For me that has been no big deal since I had one to respond (and still interact) who really seems to match well. So who knows, probably best $60 spent so far, but of course that statement currently is based on one good match alone.
© 2009, theuerkorn
Recommended:
Yes
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