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Breaking News... Thanksgiving Chaos at the CopeSullivan household... Story at 11:00 !Nov 24 '06 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Family.... You can't live with them, but you can't stuff them in a box and ship them to Australia either !!
Disclaimer: The names in the following tale have been changed, to protect the innocent (and the not so innocent). Ohh, the hustle and bustle of the holidays...... and I don't mean casual gift shopping. Nope ! I mean me hustling around the house and bustling my fanny to get ready for my guests. So, I spent my morning and the greater part of the afternoon scouring, scrubbing, mopping, and tidying up the place. Hhaaaahhhh, at last. The place looks great, and my floors are bright and shiny, thanks to those pleasant orange scented Swiffer Disposable Wet Cloths meant for hardwood floors, in a 12 count package (oops... sorry, getting a little off track here). Well, the house was clean. And after having, earlier in the morning, had a wrestling match with a 13 pound Butterball turkey (the turkey almost won) and extra turkey parts consisting of drumsticks, wings and thighs - purchased separately, because everyone wants a drumstick or a wing and the poor little turkey can only grow two of each (can't someone breed a mutant turkey that has 4 legs and 4 wings???), they're in the oven and doing their thing. Time to start pealing, dicing, and slicing. I manage to fly though this, still keeping my fingertips intact, and move onto the joyous chore of cooking. (Boy those knives that my dad picked up for me worked awesome, if only I could remember what brand they were !) Ding, dong, our first guest arrives. Surprise, surprise, the first one to arrive is none other than my sister Gwen, who usually arrives last. This is a woman who if you want her somewhere by 3:00, you tell her to be there by 1:00 !! Shortly after, my brother Bob, his wife Natalie, their 4 year old son Tommy the Terror, Natalie’s Mom, and Natalie’s older son Zeek stroll in. Immediately, Tommy goes dashing for the basement toy store... Uhhhh, make that, playroom: "Where Dennis(our son), where Dennis ????" What he really means is "where Dennis' toys, where Dennis' toys???" !!! Next, Gwen's husband Al strolls in with their 3 year old daughter Tyrant... ummm, I mean Trisha. "Hey, we're at that ladies house!!" Excuse me, "that lady" has a name. Can you say "Aunti Danielle"?.. "ya, that lady !!".... --SIGH!! After some considerable minutes, my Dad strolls in. Which is yet another shocker, since my Dad is usually prompt and anally on time !! (My husband say's I'm anal... I have no idea where I might get that from ?!?!?) He's soon tackled by Tyrant and Terror, Papa's here, Papa's here!!! But, our son is nowhere to be found. Instead, he's down in the playroom being his usual reclusive, anti-social self. I offered everyone a beverage and accommodated their choices with wonderful Solo 6oz Hot/Cold cups with a quaint design. They were study and held up well under the abuse of both soda and coffee (oh, here I go again, sorry about that....) After serving everyone their drinks, prying the juveniles away from the heaping mound of plastic they've created in the middle of the playroom floor, and spilling gravy all over my blouse, I manage to get dinner on the table and everyone is seated and gorging themselves!! (You'd think these people hadn't eaten for weeks !!) Between gulps, they carry on idle family chit chat, while food particles fly from their mouths onto the table and my freshly cleaned floor. Oh, wait... Gwen's cell phone rings....... It's her teenage daughter Caitlyn. Well, nice of her to remember. She's on her way, and she's bringing her boyfriend (which is fine, because he's a pretty decent kid), but, we'll need to attempt to cram in one more chair at the already jam packed table !! Having wracked or brains as to where to get another chair, my husband decides we can use the chair from the computer desk (nooooo not my computer chair........ ). And so, Caitlyn and Joe show up, and they join the gluttonization in progress. Having successfully made pigs of themselves, there was an outcry for dessert. So, back to the kitchen I scampered. After a juggling act with pies, cakes, ice cream, hermits, and the unsuccessful search for utensils to serve them with, I was able to set up a buffet of sugary confections that would be sure appease every cavity monster in creation, and make every tooth fairy and dentist cringe. Sorry folks, but I'm not serving these. You'll just have to get off your over stuffed derrières and get it for yourself. Finally, everyone is seated again and there's a moment of Holiday Happiness. An image that could liken a Norman Rockwell portrait of a perfect Thanksgiving gathering. A family gathered together enjoying the sweetness of this festive day. This delusion would soon be shattered by Tyrant running screaming through the house with a gob of melting ice cream clutched in her tight little fist, leaving a trail of vanilla droplets behind on what use to be my beautifully clean floor, while she's being chased by Terror, wielding an open magic marker, intent on drawing a mustache on Tyrant’s cute little face !! And where's Terror's father? Well, having eaten his fill, Bob is now snoozing away on the sofa, ambivalent of the whole thing. (Ok, I know your brother should feel at home in your house, but this is ridiculous !!) And this is how the evening continued. Terror is teasing Tyrant, Tyrant’s demanding everyone's attention while attempting to domineer Terror and every toy he touches, Zeek's glued to the TV, and Reclusive is off in his own little world, only occasionally breaking out of his bubble to interact with Zeek (and only Zeek, as he's come to prefer the company of older kids. Those youngsters are far to immature to satisfy his more intellectual tastes !!) Gwen's constantly talking about herself to anyone who will listen, Al is in the living room and has commandeered the TV remote control, Bob is still snoozing away, Natalie's giving complete and accurate details on her newest career venture, Natalie's mom is just sitting there not saying much of anything, and Dad makes a crack to my Hubby about the exorbitant amount of dishes that need to be washed. "Oh, that's ok, Danielle will just do them", Hubby replies !!!!! (Make note of dirty look shot at Husband !!) Well, it's getting late, the kids are so tired that they're about to rip each other’s heads of, and it's time for farewells. So, one by one, they pack their things, as well as free food in the form of leftovers, wrapped in durable Ziploc Gallon Size Baggies with the easy close seal that really does prevent spilling and leaks (Oh, I did it again... sorry, I can't help myself), and they made their way out the door. As the last person leaves our humble abode, I turn and walk back in the inside. Deep breath.... at last, the sweet sound of silence (if you discount the piercing squealing and giggling coming from the other room as Reclusive hammers away at a video game... but that's typical, so I can overlook that). While I stand there and relish the peace and tranquility that has at last come to our house, I am overcome by the fact that every single muscle in my body aches. My legs feel like I just ran a 12 mile marathon and my head is throbbing so hard that I'd swear you could see my forehead pulsating. This not being bad enough, I made the mistake of actually glancing around at my surroundings. What a disaster area. You know, I could swear I just scoured this house from top to bottom today !!!! "Oh, man... I'm way too tired for this!", and up the stairs I went to head to bed (after wrenching Reclusive's video game out of his hands and wrangling him into his P.J.'s). Into the bathroom I go to wash my face with my superb Mary Kay Timewise system consisting of a 3 in 1 cleanser for combination to oily skin, that exfoliates, freshens and tones, and the Timewise Moisturizer, also oily skin formula, with exclusive age fighting botanicals that help your skin look younger and more vibrant (what's with me?... I've got to stop that !!). Much to my HORROR, as I go to wash my face, I notice that I never put a lick of makeup on today !!!!!!! Oh, the embarrassment of it all. A MARY KAY lady, hosting a dinner party, and with a naked face !! I'm so ashamed !! Having battled with my conscience over my uneven skin-toned appearance, and donning my own P.J.'s, I called it a night (of course, laying in bed long enough to watch the end of CSI). Off I drifted into slumber land with visions of dirty dishes and cookie crumbs dancing in my head..... ..... What a glorious morning. The sun was shining. Reclusive didn't have school today, so we decided to sleep in and lay in bed watching Cartoon Network together. This didn't last long, as Her Royal Highness (our dog) let out a begging plea to be allowed access to the back yard to do her business (can't you cross your legs for one more hour?!?!?). With "nature" calling, and my dislike for having to be a pooper scooper, I made my way downstairs to answer her call. Wham, the visual landscape of the main floor of the house hit me in the face. "Oh, ya... I have to clean up this mess !!" Well, let's get started. I trek breakfast up to Reclusive and pry a some clothes onto his body, feed the Princess, and manage to muster a pair of sweats onto my own limbs. Here we go again. While Reclusive continued our day's plans of lounging around in bed and watching cartoons, I made my way through the war zone downstairs. My Maytag Jetclean, 6 cycle dishwasher sure got a workout today, perfectly cleaning 3 loads of dishes (to bad it's too old of a model to do a review on). Once again, I swept, mopped, and cleaned. The 80 count tub of Lysol Sanitizing wipes with micro-lock fibers were perfect for cleaning the kitchen counters. While they whisked away the dirt and grime, they were killing 98.9 % of the germs.... (Stop it Danielle, stop it). At last... I'm done !! Yes, finally, it's all packed up, put away, and back in order (although, who knows how long that will last !!). My Husband strolls in after his day at work and says, "Wow, the house looked like a Thanksgiving hurricane came through here when left this morning, and now it looks like another hurricane came through here and took it all away !!" I guess that's just his way of saying, "Hey Honey, the place looks great, thanks !!" Well, the day is complete. The house looks like a house again, instead of scene from "Porky Pig Does Thanksgiving", and it's time to kick back, put my feet up, relax with a glass of wine, and... you guessed it, write a review !! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. And remember, no matter what happened, you'll look back on it later and laaaauuuugghhhhhh !!!!! ___________________________________________________________ On a more somber note: This review is dedicated to my 17 year old nephew, my sister's son, who was unexpectedly taken from us to live with God, two months ago. Justin, we know you couldn't be here with us in body, but you were with us in spirit, going in for thirds and still trying to sneak a glass of wine. This slice of pie's for you buddy, with an extra heaping scoop of ice cream !!  |
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