Donovan Vassily Block: product launch announcement and first annual shareholder report Dec 25 '06    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line The Donovan is a life-changing product, likely to provide literally tens of thousands of billable hours of entertainment. Prospectus: On November 17, 2006, after eight intensive months of product development, Block Household Enterprises of Greensboro, North Carolina proudly released unto the world Donovan Vassily Block, a male baby. A “baby”, for those of you unfamiliar with pop-cultural / commercial trends, is a variant on the Japanese tamagotchi digital pet. The tamagotchi was created by Aki Maita, and the pet's owner feeds, entertains, and cleans it in order to keep its happiness up, and to develop the pet through five stages of maturity and personality development. The tamagotchi proved startlingly popular, despite the built-in disincentive that if the owner failed to maintain its pet, it would die, all prior time investment at once made useless. Donovan, a baby, is an improvement on the tamagotchi because, when left untended, he coos, whimpers, grunts, and if necessary makes fierce, ear-piercing yowls, thus ensuring that the owners tend and enjoy him properly. Also, unlike the digital pet, whose actions perform no real-life function, Donovan doubles as an efficient converter of white liquids into brown solids. Physical design: Donovan is a humanoid with pale reddish skin, twenty inches long and weighing seven pounds at initial release. In order to appeal to the widest possible market, he was built with adorable subliminal resemblances to many widely-known characters. His closed curved eyes and mouth and random short tufts of hair, seen at the proper angle, make him look like a Doctor Seuss character; his wide, lined, wisened forehead is modeled on Yoda and E.T. or – especially when his eyebrows raise in grumpy skepticism – on the 1940s cartoon character Snuffy Smith. The overall shape of his round, largely hairless head (except the tufts, see above), began in the lumpy form of a Russet potato but has slowly been redesigned to more closely suggest Charlie Brown. Also, see Focus Groups, below. (Sample photographs may be found at http://marylaine.com/donovan.html .) Focus groups, surveys, and our design responses: Even before Donovan was born, his name was run through focus groups and chosen to be the plurality usage over alternate suggestions such as Squirmy, Snorty, Little One, Mahatma, Princeling, My Ravenous Bugblatter Beast, Quoth the Ravenous, or Our Baby of Infinite Hunger. Note, however, that he is programmed to respond equally to all of the above names. Early public feedback after Donovan’s release date was extremely positive. (Particularly praised: the groundbreaking A.I. behind his ability to learn basic food-related commands such as “head back”, “open wide”, and “swallow”.) Still, our researchers were careful to note small suggestions for improvement. The seven-pound body weight, for example, was criticized as too fragile, and too leanly distributed for use as a doorstop; he is now 10% longer but 45% heavier, to strong customer approval. The initial Donovan release was also seen as advancing on the tamagotchi _too_ far in the area of assertiveness, owners indicating that they did not want to feed their pet for twelve hours per day; Donovan now concentrates more intake into fewer feedings, and the design team is considering a further overhaul to allow him to feed only once during the night. Similarly, early buyers suggested that the diaper-changing aspect of Donovan’s maintenance would be far more fun if Donovan did not scream and struggle throughout. He was reprogrammed the day before yesterday, to focus group applause, although it is warned that some relapse may be unavoidable. Another useful early suggestion was that Donovan’s eyes should have the capacity to open as well as close. At marketing’s request, his new eyes were made bright and shiny and shaped almost precisely like a Teletubby’s (although the designers warn that Donovan himself should not be allowed to learn what a Teletubby is, as this might interfere with a five-stages-of-maturity model that is, even now, not fully tested). Also, for owners who learn the hidden key combination, his eyes can be made to light, his eyebrows to rise with mild alarm, and his mouth to slacken dumbfoundedly in an uncanny imitation of Fraggle Rock’s Junior Gorg. Personality: Donovan, on early tests, scores as a typical member of his product generation. While he is less formally educated than his owners, and completely apolitical, he is also strong-willed, self-confident, non-materialistic, almost immune to fast-talking deception, and not at all beset by an unrealistic body self-image. As programmed, he enjoys eating, being read to, and being sung to (favorite songs appearing to include Robyn Hitchcock's "Belltown Ramble", Regina Spektor's "On the Radio", and Barenaked Ladies' "When You Dream"). His A.I. does not understand the importance of basic housekeeping, and this can be a source of conflict, but next to earlier product generations that used to grow their hair long, take drugs, and yell cuss words at the police, Donovan is astonishingly easy to manage, requiring only the absolute sole attention of his owners to be happy. A long and flourishing product life is expected. *marketer discreetly knocks wood to ward off demons, as recommended by initial business plan, and wishes shareholders a merry and profitable post-Christmas season*

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