Wow, a place besides church where strangers are disturbingly nice to you (repost)
Written: Dec 10 '01
The Bottom Line
Epinions’s database used for searching categories and products to write on blows dog.
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Much thanks to BlackCat2, who pointed me to the category for the website hotornot.com. Who would have known that the querying software for Epinions’s database could only find this category with a search of “amihotornot”? And the blame probably shouldn’t even be placed on this software, but on the database itself, as it should have multiple entries leading to hotornot.com’s category, including “hot or not”, “hot-or-not”, “hotornot.com”, etc, plus the successful “amihotornot”. Being a computer science student (“computer science student” read “nerd”), this especially irritates me, because I know that it would not be very difficult to instantiate a more robust database. All it would take is a small portion of that hard-earned money Epinions has laying around since Nirav decided to axe our E-royalties and Content Partner sites. But that, like the too-common complaint of products missing from the database altogether, is about as likely to happen as is the return of what has been taken from us.
So what’s this about virtues? My point there is that if you are willing to spend enough time exhaustively searching Epinions’s subcategories, you may be able to find what you’re looking for, hidden somewhere under a stupid name that the search engine couldn’t find. Epinions is a place I choose to spend my time on, but something like that is not.
Anyway, I am reposting this review in the proper category, although I will be leaving the old one up in the Mary Kay Correcting Concealers category. Why? Several reasons:
1. It pisses some people off. This is always fun.
2. Some of the comments I find rather amusing.
3. Since I won’t be receiving any E-royalties for my misplaced review, it doesn’t matter.
4. It pisses some people off.
So, here it is, in it’s untouched entirety: my review on hotornot.com.
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Hey, do you smell that? I think it’s my soul burning. Or at least, that what some readers of this opinion will say. After all, how could anyone writing off-topic expect to find sweet salvation? Certainly Jesus wouldn’t write off-topic. I guess I’d better take my writing habits up the ladder of ascension that leads to on-topic bliss and hot little angels in white lingerie after this fiasco. But, for now, I will take off my shirt (please save all booing until the opinion is over) and bare my back to the whip of the NHers. Bring it on. I can handle every stroke. (From the whip, you perverts.)
Alright, as I’m sure you’re all dying of curiosity by now (cough cough), I’ll let you in on what this little nugget is really about: hotornot.com. Chances are, you’ve heard of it. Sign up on the site (for free), post a picture of yourself, and see how other people rate it, on a 1-10 scale: 10 = “hot”, 1 = “not”, as you may have guessed. Your score is then computed as an average, out to 1 decimal place of accuracy. To rate other people, simply click on a button, 1-10, and it will load up another picture for you to rate, plus give the average score of the picture you just rated. Sounds like a good idea, right? Well, open up a new window in that spiffy little browser of yours, redirect it to hotornot.com, and see for yourself that
People here are too nice
What’s up with this? I could post a picture of my dog’s dookie factory on here (if they didn’t screen for picture appropriateness, that is), and it would score at least a 6.0. No joke. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not hot (despite what a few deranged individuals might have you believe), yet I do have standards. And the conclusion that this website has brought me to is that many people do not. Explanations follow.
How to “make it big” on hotornot.com as a woman
1. Show cleavage. No matter what you may look like, if you show some portion of your upper-torso feminine curves, your rating will shoot up by 2-4 points.
2. Wear something befitting a “street corner engineer”. In addition to titillating the viewers, you can “vamp out” various other parts of your body to boost by an additional 2-4 points (10 still obviously being the highest score).
3. Have a warm hole. Merely being a woman seems to boost your score by 1-6 points. This gives credence to my suspicion that many of the hotornot.com perusers are in fact overweight men in their late 30’s to early 40’s. And virgins.
How to “get it wet” (or something) on hotornot.com as a man
1. Remove your shirt. Nothing gets the ladies going as much as a well-toned upper body, and it will be shown when your score is 2-4 points higher than your counterparts.
2. Gel your hair. Apparently girls still like this, although I’m personally glad I stopped doing it about 2 years ago. It seems like nowadays, it’s as trendy as Abercrombie & Fitch or Dave Matthews Band. No thanks. Nevertheless, it will boost your score by another 2-4 points.
3. Have something dangly between your legs. It seems that merely being a man can boost your score by 1-6 points. This gives weight to my other suspicion that some of the viewers at hotornot.com are in fact overweight, and perhaps unattractive, women of any age, feeling the burden of the cruel societal eye upon them.
Who shouldn’t post pictures on this website
1. People who already know that others find them unattractive. Come on, do you really need the morale boost that that 2.1 average score from hundreds or thousands of raters will give you? Lord, that’d be like writing an off-topic Epinion. Yeah, heh heh... ......
2. People with only a bad picture to post. By bad here, I don’t necessarily mean that you are unattractive: I mean that the photo itself is lacking. This can be due to poor lighting, being blurry, having the view of you obstructed, etc. It can also be due to things as simple as not smiling, or looking like you just swallowed a gallon of tequila. Bottom line, wait until you have a good picture, or face the fact that you might not receive an awesome rating this time around.
Catering to the crowd
After my own picture reached 194 votes (the average score of which I will only reveal upon request; the picture may be seen on my profile page), I was told on my user menu that “Your photo has reached the maximum number of votes allowed. (This number is much bigger for women than for men) It is no longer posted for random voting”. There you have it, in the words of the site itself. Pictures of women are circulated much more widely (they must generate more user clicks on the ad banners), whereas men are cut off at 194. The upside to this is obvious: the site makes more money for giving the raters what they want. The downside is also obvious: if a guy’s picture happens to hit 194 people who are feeling especially mean/generous that day, they can come out feeling especially underattractive or overattractive.
What this all means to you
If you decide to post a picture of yourself on hotornot.com, keep in mind the general rules of scoring that I have outlined. Chances are this website won’t tell you anything about yourself that you didn’t already know. But if you are an ugly person with a decent body, and decide to show off that body, you will receive a confidence boost by the 8.5 or higher that you get, because trust me: the hounds sniffin’ this website are only there to ogle.
What the fuck this has to do with Mary Kay Correcting Concealers
Nothing, outside of the fact that despite how much I abhor makeup, many of the girls on this site could stand to use some for their next picture. Or perhaps Mary Kay Face Concealers would be more appropriate.
Give me your NHs! I will eat them up like a fly on shit.
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Please note that everything relating to Mary Kay Correcting Concealers is now irrelevant, as are the comments about NH’s (hopefully). I merely wanted to present the entire original piece, for those who may have missed it the first time around (and actually care). Thanks for reading.
Recommended:
Yes
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About the Author
Member: Mark Pulver
Location: Michigan, U.S.
Reviews written: 24
Trusted by: 37 members
About Me: Fallen Jesus-Boy has left the building (with profile page still messed up -- thanks guys!).
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