2007 a New Year - to Love All !
Jan 01 '07 (Updated Feb 11 '07)
The Bottom Line Happy New Year to all !! Even the Blacks and Pit-Bulls !!
I really hope that the year 2007 is a better year for me and epinions.com. I want to get back to spending hours and hours wasting my life away on the computer reading and writing with all of you extreme idiots and misfits. I really miss all of you clumsy consumer creatures. I want to dedicate myself to making pennies a month reading, writing and reviewing. I enjoy making myself feel better by reading all of your personal stories of pain and agony and glancing through a 10 paragraph review on such vital consumer items as a corn cob holder or an iPOD for your dog. It may sound strange, but now that I am quickly approaching my eighties and eventually death – this is how I choose to dedicate my remaining years. Here with you.
I’m not writing this to make excuses about 2006 - Although I did experience a lot of set backs and I feel that I owe some people an explanation on why I have not been on the computer. I will share my top 5 things that occurred last year that will not slow me down this year.
5) I live in a neighborhood where I’m about the only white guy walking around – even though black people commit much more crime than the much more civilized and morally sound white man – I never felt in danger intermingling with my darker friends. I figured it was understood that I was not strolling the black neighborhoods like Jane Goodall through the African forest – I was there because I was broke with no real alternatives to living in a better place. I thought that I was part of the struggle and that I was safe riding the bus at night. I was wrong. One night getting off the bus one of my “friends” knocked me over the head and took my money ($46 total) $12 in remaining Starbucks gift card, $8 in two dollar bills, $18 bus pass, 2 dollars in Chuckie Cheese coins and the rest in singles. Since he was such a good friend he was kind enough to whip my credit cards and wallet back into my face before running off to burn up the Chuckie Cheese coins. He was also brilliant enough to allow me to keep my cell phone so I could call the police – he was caught 7-minutes later. The lump on my head took three months to heal. Just long enough to get him off the hook as I felt too miserable to go through all of the painful steps of pressing full charges. Well at least without pressing charges I get to keep my good friend – plus it was later told to me that he was so stoned that he did not know that is was me – he thought is was “some other old a.ss white guy”. Boy does that me make me feel better.
4) After healing from getting hit over the head – I was brave enough to venture out to the store many times. On one of my trips to the store that is located three blocks away from the Stockholder Mansion I was heading back from buying a box of pizza puffs and some trail mix when I was attacked again – this time from a completely different animal. You see in my surrounding blocks I live near many sportsmen and entrepreneurs. These guys like to have the backyard pit-bull fights and at times one of their well trained killing machines gets loose and attacks “old as.s white guys”. In this particular case I was the lucky one – it was just a little puppy pit-bull killer that tried to attack me in my testicles, thigh and buttocks – only three stitches and a bruise on my hip the size of a baseball. Now I walk the streets with a juicy prime rib sandwich for a distraction for the furry killers and some mace for the human formed criminals.
3) In the year 2007 I will also stay away from the gambling – I lost more money wagering on the horrible N.Y Giants football team and their penis faced quarterback Ellie Manning than all losses combined over my life – how they got worse every week it is beyond me. And I live in a city with the over achieving Chicago Bears and my big fat loser, bandwagon jumping son-in-law. He drove me in a deep, deep depression more than once this year. Now that both the Giants and the Bears are in the playoffs I plan on making my money back and calling it quits from gambling for the duration of the year and hopefully my life.
2) In the past 47 days I have stopped over eating and have been on a monitored eating and exercising program. I have lost almost 13 pounds – currently giving me much more energy than I have had all of 2006. The reason for this dramatic transformation is due to the fact that 48 days ago I went on the worst eating binge ever documented in the history of mankind – it was right up there with the hot dog eating chinc. You see there is a butcher shop http://www.paulinameatmarket.com that was discovered by one of my police officer friends – they specialize in meat sticks, they have over 70 varieties from honey beef sticks to pepperoni, lamb, salami sticks etc.. The cost is about $9 per pound. I ate $35 worth of these meat products over a weekend and got so sick that I took a cab to the hospital. My blood pressure shot through the roof due to sausage products making up 13 percent of my body weight, the rest was Diet Pepsi and Viagra pills. It was a wake-up call, not because I was so afraid of death that night. It was a wake-up call because I never want to feel as sick as I did for that13 hours.
1) My grandson was staying with me for 3 ½ weeks. Without question the best time of my life, nothing can ever compare. In March of 2006 my Idiot Son-in-Law disappeared on a trip to Las Vegas and everyone thought he was dead. I did not think he was dead, although I was praying that he was. He left at a time when my daughter / his wife was starting to help run a new division of her job’s new business venture and was given a major boost in pay and responsibility at work. This idiot must have noticed a couple thousand dollars boost in the bank account thanks to my daughter's success – so he took it upon himself to turn a week in Vegas to three weeks in Vegas without even calling. He banged everything in sight over there and refused to come home until he lost a total of eleven thousand dollars. Most of that money was from his savings but none of it went to my grandson. My daughter needed to wire him just enough to fly his dead-beat as.s home. As usual everything was forgiven but not forgotten and he is back to being my grandson's primary guardian while my wife goes out and earns $84,000 a year.
Well as you can see – there is not many as happy as me that this year is now over. I can’t wait to start a new. I want to give all of my black brothers and sisters another chance, I want to give epinions.com another chance, I want to give Viagra another chance. I even have high hopes for my son-in-law since he has not gotten drunk since his Vegas disappearance. So from the bottom of my heart I wish you all a very happy, healthy successful New Year !!!2!!!0!!!0!!!7!!!
- stockholder
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Epinions.com ID:
stockholder
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Member: Chuck Broginger
Location: Chicago
Reviews written: 65
Trusted by: 182 members
About Me:
I am back and with skid marks !
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