I Don't Want To Sound Like Andy Rooney Jan 12 '07    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music Revelation [Digipak] by Journey From $12 Machine Gun Etiquette by The Damned From $40 The Bottom Line Men and Women, The Effects Of Media On Today's Society and Basic Understanding- A Rant A comment was made on an epinion member’s site a few days back that got me thinking. The comment was that the media doesn’t have much more of an influence on how women view themselves now then how women viewed themselves say 400 years ago. It was also said that women have won the war of the sexes and can lay down heir arms. I’m not going to indicate (even remotely) who made this comment because I believe them to be sincere and I don’t want to embarrass them. If you are reading this and I cheese you off… grade me lower or remain absent, and know that I’m not doing this to make an enemy. I hastily threw down a comment in the section (some of which is repeated here) but realized that my thought was nowhere near completion. So here we go… I’m talking as a dude. A big hairy guy who is walking and talking in the 21st century. A man who is VERY comfortable with his masculinity and the roles that he has chosen in life. A man with a crap load of testosterone… and a wife and daughter. The media has with out a doubt influenced how women look at themselves. Now while influence has affected women through out history (whether it be a corset, milk white skin, foot binding or soft Rubenesque curves), it has NEVER done this on such a mass scale as now. Any one who says this is not happening or that it’s just the “Same old, Same old” is living alone in a vacuum with no radio or TV. Women not only are being told on an hourly basis (possibly more) that they are crap if they are not emaciated like Nicole Ritchie and trash like Paris Hilton, but it’s being done at a younger and younger age every year. Look at the dolls that are targeted at eight and nine year olds (I think they’re called BRATZ). They dress like hookers and have collagen lips. I’m not that old but I can’t remember anything like that from when I was eight or nine.. We had trolls. Granted they were naked… but they were also ugly. … oh… and Barbie. The worst that could be said about her was that she was perpetually blond and had a disproportionately big rack. Then they started making Barbies with different hair and of different nationalities. The rack stayed the same but at least you could argue that she was born that way and it wasn’t her choice. We tell ourselves it’s getting better, that life for women is becoming easier, but it’s a lie. They are only receiving more and more pressure to be all things to all people. It’s still a male dominant society and I don’t think that this is going to change any time soon, but now women are expected to be the housewives, mothers and equal contributors in the financial arena and are expected by their female counterparts to hold up their end of the solidarity. … ok… maybe not in the Deep South… but everywhere else. About 10 years ago Calvin Klein tried something new. He used average looking people in his ads. The word “average” was generous in description for a few of them. It could have revolutionized how people in general view themselves; it could have been the most positive mental approach to advertising in history… It was wickedly cool, but no one else jumped on the bandwagon, and then it became apparent that it was just a gimmick for Klein. The pendulum swung farther to the right. The female role models got skinnier, trashier, brasher and are being taken less seriously. Somewhere it became common place (if not acceptable in a resigned sort of way) for your ten year old’s role mode to have a live sex video on the internet or to act like an idiot or have her Hoo Ha (yes… my wife and call it a Hoo Ha… shut up) pasted up for everyone to access. I'm petrified of the media and the effect it may have on my daughter. I want a nice, well-adjusted, smart and confident girl. Someone who trusts her decisions and is content with her looks. It's damn near impossible in today's society. The media (which is still a male dominant occupation) spends it's time reveling in the trash like Paris, Nicole and Britney. They in turn recognize the potential fame and perpetuate this stereotype (probably the worst sin)... which in turn draws more media. It's the perpetual motion machine that people have been trying to invent for a thousand years. It will never stop unless the media starts ignoring these people... but it will never happen. Now, we have to teach our kids that the Media is counterproductive most of the time and battle all the images that they are presented constantly. Unfortunately, the media in all it's forms, is with our children every hour of every day. We only have them when they're home. It's an uphill battle, right from the start. But nothing says we have to give in or give up. Now, on the other end of the spectrum, while I’m a HUGE defender of women’s rights, and try my hardest to understand the lengths that they have to go because of the way the media has presented “The perfect woman” I do have one thing that totally cheeses me off. If you are striving to be equal, then expect to be treated as an equal. NOT “equal yet special”. If women continue to embrace the “equal yet special” moniker then they will never be truly equal. If you do not posses the skill set to get a job then you shouldn’t get it simply because there is a “quota” that needs filling. They tried this a few years back with affirmative action and all it did was affirm that minorities needed a special set of rules and had not truly become equal yet. I have 1 way I speak with people. Some times the jokes are crass. Why, on earth, should I be speaking to a female co-worker any differently than I speak to a male… you are my equal. I will start off speaking to everyone the same. Some guys get offended at comments about their moms, their wives or their guts. Some girls get offended at comments about their boobs. If I say something that bugs you. let me know. I won’t say it again. I would expect that as a common courtesy. Oh… and if you try to play the sex card then don’t be surprised when your credibility goes out the window. My wife and I have a relationship that while isn’t perfect, does make us look at almost everyone else we know and shake our heads. Frequently we say “Is it us? What the he11 is wrong with people?” We are equals. We do equal chores and none of them have been assigned a gender. Frequently I cook. She does the bills, I do laundry, she has mowed the lawn. Yes… I do most of the heavy lifting… but it’s not because she’s a woman… it’s because I’m stronger. We share all the chores that involve our daughter. We talk. We drink together. I call her foul, foul names (for humorous effect… as only guys do) and she does the same back. Some are gender specific some are not. The only thing we avoid, and the only thing that should be avoided is personal attacks. We don’t insult based on intellect, weight etc. Women, I don’t say this for suck points… but there is a guy who strives to strip away all the nonsense and horse pucky that this society has given us, and treat you like a true equal, and I know I’m not alone. Now… having said that… women also need to recognize that there has never been a more mentally trying time for men. While we are not being bombarded with the “looks” machine as much as women… it’s creeping up there and insinuating itself in more aspects of our daily life. Men never use to be so hung up on how they look but now we have to have cheekbones, droopy eyelids, rock hard abs, rippling muscles, square jaws, piercing eyes, great buns and six foot plus height etc. We also have to have a good car and a good job. Whether or not we are enlightened enough to share the finances of the household and the chores, the plain and simple truth is that we MUST be able to support our wife and child should anything happen. This is not a choice… this is the base nature of every male. “I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY” Some women get pregnant. Some women stay at home to raise their kids. It happens. Sometimes it’s preferable to paying twelve grand in childcare every year). This means we have to earn enough for two. Many of us are out of the house at 7 a.m., home at 8 p.m. and are trying to jam family quality time and a fair share of the chores in to 2 hours before we try to get 8 hours of sleep so that we can do it again tomorrow. Some time’s we’re tired. Frequently we’re short on patience. We are also fighting ten thousand years of conditioning. We understand that we need to soften the edges a bit and be your pal, but it goes against everything our father’s taught us.. or their fathers… or their fathers. Cut us a bit of slack sometimes. Divorce rates are through the roof. Women no longer NEED men to support them and are more critical of our faults. Men are faced with the situation where they must attempt to understand women and can’t be bothered. At the same time we are redefining how we choose a partner. Choices use to be based on physical looks and ability to keep a home for men, and “will he be a good provider” for women. Friendships came second. Many times love came second. Now we are approaching a situation where, if we are lucky, we will spend the rest of our lives with our best friend… who we also get to have sex with (bonus!). In the past, our best friends were typically other guys… now that will no longer work. Here’s something that may help. Something that may close the gap of sexual inequality as well as strengthen the family unit for future generations instead of weakening it. We need to understand that men and women communicate completely differently.: - Men state what they are thinking at all times. If nothing is bugging us you’ll know because we won’t tell you anything. Women need to be coaxed and/ or frequently hint at what they are thinking assuming that if we are smart we’ll pick it up. Men don’t really pick up hints. If there is a problem, tell us. - Men state their point first. If they are asked, they will then explain themselves. Women explain themselves and then make their point. So for men the statement would be “Take out the Garbage (and if asked) I filled it cleaning the kitchen.” For women, it becomes “I filled the garbage when I cleaned the kitchen. Take it out.” If we (at the very least) understand this difference we can listen to each other more effectively and forge better relationships based on respect. If, however, we find a common ground on how to express opinions… well the implications are scary. At the very least, we can teach our kids the difference in communication. We are living in a very exciting time in history despite the media. Our children are the first generation to have all information accessible at their fingertips. They could be brilliant. They could be well adjusted. They could be fit (I mean.. come on.. we all know that McDonalds is crap and that diets don’t work). They could know that really… there is no difference between guys and girls except for the style of communication and the obvious anatomical ones. They could be damn near perfect. If I didn’t think this was possible I never would have had a kid The only thing holding her back is me, my hang-ups, my lack of imagination, my inability to give her variety in her direction. So I intend to ask for help. I’m done. If you take offense or disagree, toss me a comment. Let’s talk. If not… give me a VH and go make some brownies.

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