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Top Ten Movies that Made Me Cranky in 2006Feb 10 '07 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Clearly, these movies are NOT recommended. I found the movies of 2006 to be decidedly lackluster. In addition to a general dearth of well-done epic movies, the year also suffered from unfunny comedies and an anticlimactic holiday season. The list that follows is not a ten worst movies list in the most pure sense of the word, because I try not to see movies that I will clearly hate. This means avoiding anything featuring Jennifer Aniston or labeled as a romantic comedy. My list focuses largely on movies that did not live up to my expectations. Bring on the rotten tomatoes… 10. American Dreamz - This mediocre film spoofs the television show American Idol, the Bush administration, and the war in Iraq. Despite a few laughs, American Dreamz is a slow starter that does not do nearly as much as it could have with its material. I giggled, but never guffawed. All the best parts were in the trailer, so if you can get ahold of that you’ll save yourself a couple of hours. Why can’t anyone manage to make a good satire film these days? 9. The Da Vinci Code - I had such high hopes for this film based on its thrilling trailers and successful book predecessor. Paul Bettany gives the movie a boost with his creepy portrayal of Silas the monk, and the action sequences generally kept my attention. Unfortunately, Tom Hanks practically snores his way through the role of symbologist Robert Langdon and the film is bogged down with unnecessary detail in the form of flashbacks. The Da Vinci Code still deserves one viewing, but I expected to enjoy this movie so much more than I did. 8. Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest - Where did a franchise with so much potential go so wrong? This film attempts to tell the second part of the adventures of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Kiera Knightly) and the somewhat notorious pirate Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp)Despite compelling characters and exciting fight scenes, Dead Man’s Chest has little to tie it together. Some of the sequences border on slapstick. The film does have a few redeeming virtues – namely an interesting romantic twist and a fairly intriguing segue into film three. Other than that, though, I could give or take this middle movie that feels oh so much like the middle movie in a trilogy. 7. A Prairie Home Companion - Maybe I just didn’t “get” this comedy/drama/musical about the last broadcast of the Prairie Home Companion radio broadcast. A lot goes on, including some (to me) unfunny jokes and music that I don’t really care for. The movie feels rambling and thrown together without much of a central theme or plot. Maybe that’s the point, but it didn’t work for me despite its tremendous star power (think Meryl Streep, Lindsey Lohan, Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones and the like). 6. Click - Okay, I guess I’m cheating by including this one because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like it after being thoroughly annoyed by the previews. Regardless, Click is bad enough that it should be on this list. Adam Sandler plays a thoroughly unlikable businessman who, when given a “universal remote control”, decides it’s a good idea to fast forward through substantial parts of his life. Great! Click offers few laughs, too much obvious moralizing, and dull, stereotypical characters. You can see the ending coming a mile away, two if you’ve seen many life-lesson type comedies before. 5. Miami Vice - Despite the snazzy previews and hottie stars Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, Miami Vice turned out to be heavy-handed, pretentious, and generally no fun. By taking itself too seriously, Miami Vice ruined a perfectly good series of action scenes. Cheesy lines of dialogue abound. Think: “Why do I get the feeling everyone knows we're here 15 blocks out?” “'Cause everyone knows we're here 15 blocks out.” The “love scenes” feel like low-budget porn or bad music videos. Mr_chelledun and I actually laughed out loud several times at the corniness and absurdity of it all. 4. Happy Feet - Quite possibly the biggest let-down of the year, Happy Feet managed to make me very, very sad. Poor Mumble the baby penguin is subjected to one round after another of violent encounters, mockery, and general unpleasantness. The odd and random plot included some sort of penguin religious cult, some nonsense about penguin “heart songs”, and lots of scary environmental elements. This movie was far too heavy and depressing for kids or even for me, for that matter. While Happy Feet has a few cute moments, it tanked with me overall. 3. Date Movie - I felt like I needed to shower after suffering through Date Movie. When the best part of the movie is a cat using the toilet, you know it was a rough eighty minutes. Date Movie fills its blissfully short running time with gross body humor and references to movies which have nothing to do with dating, at all. It doesn’t actually parody much and won’t make you laugh. Need I say more? 2. Poseidon - Boring, boring, stupid, and boring. Poseidon offers us totally unlikable characters and subjects them to many identical near-death experiences. The cruise ship has flipped upside down thanks to a rogue wave. Will they make it to the top of the ship and safety? Er, the bottom of the ship and safety? Whatever. Lots of screamy women freak out, some characters die, and many things erupt into flames. CGI effects even prove unimpressive, leaving no reason to watch this movie evar. 1. Ultraviolet - This is the first film I’ve ever encountered that I loathed too much to write a full review about. Ultraviolet tells the story of a futuristic vampire trying to save her own life. Terrible acting abounds. The film also has some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever heard in any movie. Finally, and most unforgivably for a futuristic action film, the action scenes are dreadful. They look cheesy and computer animated, like a video game. As soon as I saw Ultraviolet I thought “I can’t wait until I do my worst of 2006 list.” Sure enough, it tops the list. *Has something made YOU cranky? Join mmcphee's Cranky Unicorn Write-Off and tell us all about it.  |
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by lindaohio
by carstairs38
by cdm72
