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Re: No bus riding for my kids (Reply to this comment)
by marytara,  in Kids & Family
Bonnie,
They allow the bus drivers to smoke where you are? Are they smoking on the bus? There are no smoking on the bus drivers here... you can't even smoke in public places..wow. I would be livid if my son was riding in a bus with a smoking driver!
The "short" busses here have either carseats built in, aftermarket carseats or seatbelts depending on the kids that are riding.
We got the sign by calling the local police department, traffic enforcement division. They will put up 2 signs per child in your neighborhood..1 in each direction. I'm actually working on getting another set of signs because we are on a corner so they can be on the other crossroad also. There are no less than 5 children on the autism spectrum in my neighborhood (mine and 2 sets of siblings that I know of) plus however many that I might not know about, so I am hoping they work with me and add more. Do you remember the name of the book that was like a spiral bound notebook and had pictures of a boy with autism.. I know, real descriptive. It was like a handmade book that I think (pretty sure) you and I talked about... they had a sign in it I think, which was the first I had heard of them putting up signs in the neighborhood. Ironically, I got a sign put up back in NY and by the time they finally got aroudn to putting it up we were moving away.
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Apr 02 '07
10:08 pm PDT
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No bus riding for my kids (Reply to this comment)
by bonniesayers
I know that the short bus does have seat belts where the regular sized buses do not. There is some petition going on about safe bus. My site has an article with link on it, same title.
I don't like that bus drivers smoke and from my observations they are not very well trained in autism or other disabilities.
Matthew would require an aide on the bus, but then many times no one is there at school to receive them and he does not need to sit at the lunch room for 40 minutes, so I drive down the hill and around the corner to take him and make my own observations.
Plus Matt is nonverbal so I cannot really justify putting him through all those issues by riding a bus when I can just as easily drive him.
How did you get the sign? What organization helped secure it? Maybe an essay on that would be helfpul to other parents and communities.
It would be nice to have, but I think we might be moving soon, and I would like to try for a handicapped spot on the street.
Bonnie
http://autismspectrumdisorders.bellaonline.com
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Apr 01 '07
1:52 pm PDT
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Thank you for sharing your experiences... (Reply to this comment)
by mizgnomer
I'm so sorry that you (and Alex) have to go through this. You do seem to handle it with much grace, I must say. I applaud you for being willing to educate, both your neighbors and random readers here at Epinions.
You are absolutely correct that you've got nothing to apologize for! It sounds like some of your neighbors could really learn a lot from you.
MizGnomer
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Feb 16 '07
1:32 pm PST
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Thank you (Reply to this comment)
by Suzer
for this beautifully written editorial MT. It really gave me insight, and I'm sure it will others.
Suz
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Feb 15 '07
3:46 pm PST
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As a driver of a... (Reply to this comment)
by katopasna
"Short Bus" I have to say I loved your piece on this. I have driven for special needs kids and I now currently drive for headstart and they also use a "short bus".
You mentioned how your son will go on strike and not want to ride the bus..well I have preschoolers with no special needs who go on strike regularly. We just take it a day at a time.. Even "normal" kids have bad days.
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Feb 14 '07
7:29 pm PST
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Re: Re: There isn't (Reply to this comment)
by KMINER,  in Kids & Family
MT,
The social cues and etc are usually the hardest skills to acquire, and they are not really ideally "Teachable" -- just more shaped by each child and who's working with them. (my opinion)
I'm amazed at how my own training has helped my children, especially Colin. Honestly he is so OCD that the time it would take to tell you all what he does is unreal. But we work daily at breaking down his issues (lol) and he's come a long way also. I notice any time we try and change a behavior it's always a big struggle in the beginning and then eventually he "catches on" - so we just keep saying and doing the same things over & over again til he catches on ;)
I use social stories with him a lot to explain situations that involve change - I swear *just* this year can we throw something at him (like a change) and all he'll say is, "Okay, but I'm a little sad though" and pout a little.
It's such a good feeling, and there's nothing like teaching ... but there's also nothing like helping your own child succeed in the world.
Kimm
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Feb 14 '07
5:14 am PST
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Re: Re: Very courageous (Reply to this comment)
by Freak369, in Kids & Family
"Yesterday afternoon one of the high school kids was making fun of the little bus again and it put me over the edge! Like they have nothing better to do than pick on a 6 year old!!!"
1. People make fun of others when they are insecure.
2. A teen that picks on a kid that young needs to be slapped around by someone.
3. My comeback would be something to the effect of ...
"Wow, when I grow up I hope I can be as cool as you, then I can get a job sh*tting ice cubes"
This is just one of the many reasons I am going to hell.
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Feb 13 '07
8:20 pm PST
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Re: There isn't (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks Kimm,
I know you really do understand about this whole situation. And, I think you hit the nail right on the head about Alex not looking outwardly different. Many times people wouldn't know unless he pulled a behavior or someone tries to have a conversation with him (and he responds with rote phrases or screwy sentences). I am amazed each day at his progress and he continues to blow me away in things like reading, computers, and math. Right now our biggest weakness is in the social skills area, but even that is improving (albeit slowly). I get so very frustrated when others pass judgement on my child. Its like its ok to make fun of him because "he's different".
Thanks for the comment and the continued support :)
~MT
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Feb 13 '07
6:51 pm PST
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Re: Very courageous (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks Mel,
I felt better after I wrote about it. Yesterday afternoon one of the high school kids was making fun of the little bus again and it put me over the edge! Like they have nothing better to do than pick on a 6 year old!!! I tend to bottle in a lot of what goes on with Alex but I know I really shouldn't. He's my truly my hero and deserves sharing about. Its just easier for me to write fluffy reviews of dolls most days.
~MT
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Feb 13 '07
6:46 pm PST
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Re: Education (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks Rachael,
The bad comments people make can sting a lot but I'm learning to turn them around into a more positive/learning experience. Plus, I'm just getting tougher armor. We are so protective of our "babies", that anyone who says hurtful things I so wanna take them out!
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Feb 13 '07
6:42 pm PST
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Re: add to your arsenol... (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
I know the special ed bus does have carseats and seat-belts. I'm not sure about the "big bus". For summer session the kids rode on a big bus (REALLY INTIMIDATING FOR SOME OF THEM, but Alex really loved it! and I'm not sure if it had seat belts? I think it might have. Maybe the newer buses have them? Regardless, I think all the buses should definitely have them! Especially considering pretty much all kindergartners and many primary ed kids should still be carseats!
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Feb 13 '07
6:40 pm PST
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Re: re: you might be surprised at negativity some parent's pass on to their children (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Yes, very sad but so very true how parents are setting a bad example so often. Kids are so impressionable, and parents so often.. just don't think!
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Feb 13 '07
6:38 pm PST
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Re: Brava! (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks Freak,
When Alex was getting diagnosed you were one of the people who provided me the most support, more than many of my own family members. Thanks for helping me get through it all :)
~MT
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Feb 13 '07
6:37 pm PST
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There isn't (Reply to this comment)
by KMINER, in Kids & Family
any shame -- just ignorant people.
It may be because they don't outwardly "see" any physical difference with your son that they ask questions - and I've learned even adults with the best intentions often phrase things in really horrible sounding ways because they just don't know any better. I just always re-phrase my response to them with more appropriate terminology.
I hate the "short bus" comment - it's a personal pet peeve of mine.
I've faced my own battles this year, having children who, in the Special Ed spectrum, are the highest functioning often - LD students.
I had a student ask me "what's with the LD room down the hall?" (meaning the self contained class of children with mental disabilities) and I had to explain that "we" were the LD class - that means (in my terms) Learns Differently.
I've had mean spirited 4th graders say "how retarded do you have to be to get into your class?" ... I swear my jaw hit the floor as I explained that to get the LD label you have to have average or above intelligence. I showed some regular ed students the "portfolio's" my students have to complete each year and they were amazed saying "wow, I'd rather stay in my regular class, you work them hard." lol
I had one of my "own" children whisper to his regular ed friend -- "You'd better do your work, Mrs. Miner's class is hard, She's mean! (lol) She makes us do all this work and always checks on us since there's only a few of us in there!"
:) Hang in there girl -- Kimm
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Feb 13 '07
6:20 pm PST
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Very courageous (Reply to this comment)
by mjtriplett
MT -
I imagine it takes you a lot of courage to share this with people, just as I think you have a lot of courage in finding opportunities to educate others as opposed to withdrawing and feeling ashamed. I applaud you for all of this--I'm not sure I could ever handle such confrontations so well.
Mel
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Feb 13 '07
6:28 am PST
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Education (Reply to this comment)
by iamrachael
This review you've written about "Autism/Safe Transportation" was very touching and informative.
I can't say that we've ever dealt with such issues, but I really do admire that you're not willing to take others' criticism.
The greatest service you can do for your children is stand up for them in the face of ignorance. And your doing so by educating others about your childs condition, versus lashing out with snyde or sarcastic remarks towards people who've offended you, shows a higher and more admirable degree of restraint. Good for You! :)
-Rachael
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Feb 13 '07
6:27 am PST
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add to your arsenol... (Reply to this comment)
by lilsquibb
I like to present the school bus issues (including the short bus/big bus, different bus stops, and the sign on the corner) all in the interest of safety
I do believe also that the "short bus" has seat belts and or car seats, whereas a "regular" bus does not. Tell me who is safer there?
Anyway... great essay MT I'm sure it took a lot for you to face this and come to the realization that it's not about them it's about Alex. Too many parents never do and their child suffers for it by not getting the proper attention or services. I hope this helps some people think differently.
Carrie
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Feb 13 '07
5:55 am PST
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Re: Educating (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
I agree with you that when people say things, many times they do not mean it to be hurtful. Some people just have no clue and no tact.
I've had more than a few words with different neighbors about it. The one who asked me "what was wrong with my child that he needed to take the short bus" is just plain ignorant. I told her there was nothing "wrong" with my child and that the bus took to and from school just like the bus took her daughter to and from school. I've tried to explain to her about Autism but she's one of those people who I believe underneath it all worries that its contagious!
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Feb 13 '07
5:10 am PST
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Educating (Reply to this comment)
by jdhauer
Assuming that your neighbors aren't going to read this, what did you say to your neighbor? I re-read but still must have missed that part.
I always try to think that when someone says something like that, they are lacking in tact but aren't trying to intentionally hurt unless there's a prior history. I've been able to provide a lot of "education" in that manner and have made a few friends that way.
My kid is still on the short bus this year but only because for her extended day needs, she needs to be in morning kindergarten and our neighborhood is an afternoon section. Next year, she'll be on the regular bus with all of the other kids and that should be an adventure - especially since she won't get to sit in the same seat each day. :)
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Feb 13 '07
4:01 am PST
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re: you might be surprised at negativity some parent's pass on to their children (Reply to this comment)
by cntaur5
I'm glad you wrote this editorial and believe it brings up an issue that is extremely important. I agree 100% that educating the public is extremely important. As a social worker I've met a lot of parents who for a lack of better words are ignorant and they pass this ignorance down to their children making inappropriate jokes about other family's and children at their dinner table.
Sadly, what's often said at the dinner table does not stay at the dinner table, and that's when someone like me makes a call to their home after their child has acted out in school and called someone a name. Parent's quickly say, "I don't know where he/she learned that from". The parents don't realize their child has already been interviewed by either me or the school counselor. When I blatantly say, "Oh, your child states this is what he heard at home, the parent becomes silent.
While I use this as an opportunity to educate, I do get tired of making these calls.
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Feb 13 '07
3:34 am PST
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Brava! (Reply to this comment)
by Freak369, in Kids & Family
Our schools have early intervention programs for kids that are hard to handle, have social issues or require special attention. These are kids with social problems, much like the child that I babysat during the summer. He was neglected by his parents, the only affection he saw was after they scolded him or beat him for doing something wrong. What did I learn from that? The only way he knew to get affection from his parents was to do something bad, take the punishment then get the affection from them when they felt guilty.
OK, that had nothing to do with your editorial. Personally, you handled it better than I would have. I would have been out on the lawn telling to sod off, mind their own business and take care of their own family. Much like my days in San Diego ... I'm rarely invited to the social goings on here LOL. Wonder why.
I remember a few years ago when you were concerned with Alex and him not talking. In a way I learned a lot about Autism because of the things that you wrote. Just as there are people that discriminate because of race, religion or income, there are some that think less of people who are "perfect" or fit into some cookie cutter mold.
Personally, those are the people that I love to hang out with. Why? They aren't afraid to think out of the box, they are less judging of others and if you can connect with them on even the smallest of levels, it's a connection that never goes away. You've shared a lot about your private life with people at the site with the hopes of dispelling myths and removing stigmas ... let's just hope it isn't a case of something going in one ear and out the other.
~vVv~ Freak ~vVv~
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Feb 12 '07
11:59 pm PST
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