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Getting to Know the SHLEPSFeb 13 '07 (Updated Apr 25 '07) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Give some love to The SHLEPS today:)
Up until now you may have thought the SHLEPS were as mythical as the Smurfs. Our apologies for Shortchanging you. Information about the SHLEPS is in Short supply, but hopefully this review can change things. What are The SHLEPS, you ask: 1) Webster's Dictionary defines a SHLEP as a verb meaning, "to proceed or move slowly, tediously, or awkwardly." 2) On November 29, 2005, a new definition came in to play, "SHort Ladies of EPinionS." You can view more information on how Dianapinions founded SHLEPS Here Our Founder Defines SHLEPS in her Info and Recruitment section on Diana's page: "Let me tell you about the prestigious Epinions club called The SHLEPS (SHort Ladies of EPinionS). Epinionatresses who are five foot four or shorter are welcome to join. We regularly hold SHORT meetings where we sell our famous SHORTCAKE cookies and eat SHRIMP. We do not possess any SHORTcomings. Annual dues are quite LOW. Email me and I will send you our BRIEF application." What are other Epinioners saying about SHLEPS? They're Everywhere Getting to Know the SHLEPS: Dusty is the President of SHLEPS. Other people define her as being Vertically Challenged:( Favorite Short Joke: "You're so short you have to look up to look down." Favorite Food: SHLEPminiburgers Likes to Read: Short Stories Belief About Short People: "Short people got little baby legs. And they stand so low, You got to pick'em up, Just to say hello." Dusty would rather be Dolly Parton at 5 feet than Audrey Hepburn at 5'7". If she had to marry either Verne Troyer ("Mini-Me" in Austin Powers) at 2'8" or John Cleese at 6'5" she would choose John Cleese because he is a funny actor. Although she longs to marry Toby Keith or Saint Diminutive. Dusty's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - "I won a screaming contest at Shoe Carnival and received a large discount off a pair of shoes." - She has an old husband for sale, but will not take refunds. - If she ever grew up, she would be a country music singer. Mona is the Vice President of SHLEPS. She would prefer if people called her Princess Mona, but will settle for Mona over other names she has been called: "Moan," "Monica" (people just don't believe that "Mona" is not Short for anything, and "shorty", or "shrimp" by her husband. Favorite Short Joke: "I'm so short you can see my feet on my drivers license!" Favorite Food: Shrimp, of course and sugar-free strawberry shortcake. Likes to Read: Short Stories because you get through them quickly, and then you review them! Must keep up that TR in Books, ya know!!! Belief About Short People: "Short people got class." Prefers: Stools to stool softeners. Princess Mona would like to be 5'7" for a day because, "I want to look someone (ANYONE) directly in the eyes!" She would marry John Cleese over Mini-Me any day! Mona's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - Dianapinion's Sister. - Often funny when she does not intend to be. - Plans on never growing up, ever. - Addicted to computers! Diana is the Treasurer. Oh, and Creator. Founder. The Ultimate Authority on All Things SHLEP! She is the SHLEPS cheerleader too. And ultimate silly joker, pun writer. Always trying to compete with Spuds in the punny department. ("though he's always got me beat! Drat!") Like her sister, Diana thinks of herself as royalty and would like to be called Queen Diana. Unfortunately, the name has yet to catch on and she is usually called Diana, Di, or Dee, which her husband and sister call her. She reports, her kids call her "Mom, I need......." or "Mom, could you......." Favorite Short Joke: "Actually, if I can be serious (for a second, anyway!), in real life, I almost never say jokes that relate to people's physical features. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. But I'm happy to get the SHORT end of the stick and get unlimited shorty jokes and SHLEPS jokes at Epinions. In truth, it's been one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had at Epinions. ANd to think it all started because that meany Spuds wouldn't send us those stool samples." Favorite Food: Shrimp. And since I"m a giant, at 5'4", I like "JUMBO shrimp!" Likes to Read: short reviews. "Don't have the patience to read excessively LONG reviews. Trim the fat!" Diana wishes she was 5'7" and describes herself as Goldilocks because she "likes things not too tall. Not too short. But ..... just right!" Diana's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - "In college, my friends used to joke about my little feet. I wore a size 6 back then, and people would say things like "Your feet are so tiny, it's amazing that you don't fall over" and stuff like that." - "I'm WAY too addicted to Epinions, but I'm having a blast! Epinioners: what a group of talented, intelligent, expressive and witty individuals. Truly Very Helpful, in many senses of the word." - "In second grade, my teacher wrote on my report card: "Diana has the most well developed sense of humor I've ever seen in a child". (I think she wrote that after hearing my excuses for not completing my homework!)" - "I've actually published several articles and even two chapters in textbooks, in real life. But they are technical and so very dry! I love balancing that out, by writing Epinions and communicating with Epinioners." Theresa was voted SHLEPS secretary after the making of this review. Many know Theresa as Snow, Snowflake, Snowy, Snowdust, but cruel people have called her Shortie, Shortstuff, and Itsy Bitsy. Favorite Short Joke: "I might be short but your ugly, and I still have time to grow!" Favorite Food: Peanuts, Shortbread, Little Debbie's Likes to Read: Tall Tales, "I can dream can’t I?" Belief About Short People: "Short people got little shoes, but lots of them." Prefers: Using a stool to using a stool softener. Theresa longs to be Audrey Hepburn at 5'7." If she had to choose between marrying Mini-Me or John Cleese, she'd be single. Theresa's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - The youngest of the SHLEPS. - And Newly-wed to the most wonderful man. Busby is in charge of the SHLEPS Membership Committee. Favorite Short Joke: "he needs a ladder to (fill in whatever you like, as long as it's "he" and not "she")" Favorite Food: Strawberry Shortcake, of course. Tell us a Short Story: "Once there was a short lady, and then there were many." Belief About Short People: "Short people got it going on." Prefers: to be Audrey Hepburn at any height, from 8 inches to 8 feet. Rather need a stool or a stool softener: "Neither, I need a ladder." Busby's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - Never getting married again (been there, done that). - Also, if she grew up, she'd be a kid again. Bugg is the SHLEPS Court Jester. Outside of SHLEP she has been known as: Shorty, shrimp, peewee, short stuff, shrinkage, shrinky dink. Favorite Short Joke: "It's not funny to joke about short people. It really irritates me. Yeah right!" Favorite Food: Strawberry shortcake Likes to Read: "I love short stories. Here, I'll tell you a really good one: Today when the alarm clock sounded, I pushed the OFF button and went back to bed. The end." Belief About Short People: "Short people got all that and a bag of chips." Prefers: A Stool softener over a stool because it makes for a much more interesting day. If she grew up: "I'd be Smurfette" If she had to choose between being Dolly Parton at 5 ft or Audrey Hepburn at 5'7" she'd pick Hepburn "Since I'm already kind of like Dolly at 5 ft, I'll go with Audrey. I can always get implants!" Bugg's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - "I like to keep it short and sweet." Jen is the SHLEPS Evil Malcontent. Outside of SHLEP she has been known as: Shortie, short stuff, tiny. Favorite Food: “Mmmmmmm strawberry SHORTcake” Belief About Short People: "Short people got personality to spare." Jen’s Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - " I've been swamped!!! :( " Lisado is a recent addition to the SHLEPS club (joined 2/14/07). Favorite Short Joke: "She's almost as short as her temper!", or "I'm not fat, I'm too short for my height!" Favorite Food: Fresh strawberries with Cool Whip (and none of that fake, diet stuff, either!) Likes to Read: "Short Romance books. If you can't live it, you might as well read about it! (Just kidding, honesy! I love you!) Keep it SHORT and sweet!" Belief About Short People: "We might be short in height, but we're full of......love!" Prefers: "Stools to stool softeners, even though I am deathly afraid of heights!" Thinks SHLEPS survey is cute! :) Lisa's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - "My military ID says I am 5'3", but I'm really 5'2"! The weight is wrong, too, but we won't go there!" - "Being a mom is the best job in the world!" MT is a recent addition of the SHLEPS (inducted on 2/15/07). Other people call her cute, but she prefers being called MT because "I freakin' hate the word cute. I'm not cute!!!! But.. you know, the saying 'Good things come in small packages'. I hear that a lot!" Favorite Short Joke: "How many short girls does it take to change a light bulb?? ..." Favorite Food: Shrimp of course :) Belief About Short People: "Short People Are ... Vertically Deprived But Energy Efficient." Between stools and stool softener: She prefers the term Stepladder When asked if she would rather be Dolly Parton at 5 feet or Audrey Hepburn at 5'7" she answered: "Neither, definitely not Dolly... my girls are big enough as it is! And I'm way more eccentric than Audrey Hepburn. Too stiff for me!" MT's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - Telling a great Short story. "I have one of those hanging pot racks in my kitchen and I can't reach my pots except for the biggest sautee' pan! My husband tells me to "Jump for it". I tell him that it looks like take-out again!" - Telling a great tall tale. My license says I'm 5'2" ... I'm only 5'1" on a good hair day!!! Most days I have at least 2 inches of shoes on though :) - Most importantly, notifying the SHLEPS that Short people T-shirts are available: http://www.threadless.com/submission/59388/Short_People_Have_Feelings_Too." NEG, also called Shortie is a new member of the SHLEPS (added 2/16/07). Favorite Short Joke: " Let's make this short and sweet." Favorite Food: Shrimp Tall Tales or Short Story: " Short stories are more interesting." Belief About Short People: "Short people got big people to love." Would Rather be Audrey Hepburn over Dolly Parton. NEG's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - If she had to choose between marring Mini-Me or John Cleese, she’d pick Austin Powers – Yeah Baby! - In this lifetime, she would like to see short jeans sold for less money, “and not pay more for less material.” Jo would like to be known in the land of SHLEPS as Shrink wrapped. Others tell her, "Gee you don't look so short," but Mr. Jo.com has confirmed she is SHLEPS material. Shrink wrapped is a new SHLEPS member, looking for an office title to call her own. Favorite Short Joke: Not a fan of short jokes or most jokes. Favorite Food: “Strawberry shortcake - ok that's been taken; how about a Tall Smoothie to stretch me back” Likes to Read: “Short stories. Tall tales are boring.” Belief About Short People: "Short people got (seriously) to compensate for their height i.e. most male body builders are short. Not seriously the advantage with an umbrella over their head and if we fall we don't have far to go" Prefers: A stool over a stool softener ANYDAY! Would rather be Dolly Parton at 5 ft over Audrey Hepburn at 5'7" because “hubby doesn't like tall women!” If she had to choose between marrying Mini-Me or John Cleese, she'd pick Cleese because Mini-Me is too short for her. Shrink wrapped's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - If she grew UP she’d be a person on stilts in the circus. - Honored to be part of the SHLEPS and awaiting her first SHLEPS order of business. Christie is the SHLEPS comic relief. She comes from a long line of short people and others know her as Short dog, lil Country, Shorty, Short Stuff. Favorite Short Joke: " you're so short, you gotta look up to see down!" Favorite Food: Shortcake Likes to Read: “Tall tales- she was a nekkid and I clothed her- that is the classic punchline from my grandfather's story about the widow woman who lived on the other side of a cornfield from his uncle, and she came running through the cornfield to his uncle's nude when she thought someone was trying to break in her house. Note this takes place sometime in the early 1920's probably.” Belief About Short People: "dynamite, 'cause it comes in small packages too " Prefers: Using a stool to using a stool softener. Christie's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - Christie would like to see what 5'7" was like and if she got there she would be: “A model! As in life- a stockbroker.” -She likes her men tall, but admits her husband is short and their kids are gonna be short. Spuds is a SHLEPA (SHort Ladies of EPinionS Ally). He is also the antagonist of the group. He would like to be called Mr. Wonderful, but we all know him as Spuds. Favorite Short Joke: "SHLEPS have to count their change so they don't get Short changed. SHLEPS do things fast because they take short cuts. There's a classic television show featuring Archie bunker and a Shlep. It's called Small in the Family." Favorite Food: Strawberry short cake. Likes to Read: "I like short stories because of my limited attention span." Belief About Short People: "Short people got short falls." Mr. Wonderful's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - Finds both Dolly Parton and Audrey Hepburn attractive. - Wants to be a Potato Farmer. - Never eats shortening. - Likes the show Smallville. Shmoo is a SHLEPA (SHort Ladies of EPinionS Ally). Originally his application was denied, but since writing On Being Shmoo and including the SHLEPS, he has been enrolled as a SHLEPA.. Favorite Short Joke:"If you're so offended why don't you climb up here and kick my butt?" Favorite Food: “Spaghetti... what?” Least Favorite Disease: Shleperosy Belief About Short People: " They hide in my closet at night and steal my underpants." Shmoo's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: -“Forget Dolly or Audrey- Salma Hayek... very short... very hot... short hotness... hot shortness” -Likes Lard over Shortening -Has small feet -use to be short... his baby is short. *Jam* is our first female ShlepA: Section G - guardian of all things Shleppie ; ) *Jam* was a 'shmnickname bestowed upon Rach. In relation to her height she is known as “Average,” but not average in the Land of Shleps. Favorite Short Joke: "..."If you pulled up your socks, could you still see?" Favorite Food: Petit' Sweets (Strawberry Spanish Yog'h'urt) Belief About Short People: " Short shoes, short shorts, short legs, short shirts, but at least if they fall, they'll never get hurt!" Jam reports if she grew up, she’d be taller. Jam's Claim to SHLEPS' Hall of Fame: - She’d be a "real deal" Shlep if she had no feet! - Double D and the Shleps believed in me. : ) If you are an Epinions Lady and under 5'4" and would like to be a SHLEPS member, please contact Busby, "I'm the membership chair, soon to be the membership stool -- tell prospective shleppies to talk to me, not Diana (she's the treasurer, so we pay our dues to her)."  |
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