|
Comment |
Sorted by
Date Written |
Re: Another opinion -Well worded Wow (Reply to this comment)
by vinkins
Very well worded I might say. Yes I have found that DD likes to bring things with her such as toys, food.Etc. It is hard becuase everytime we go to the store she thinks we need to buy something.
I will look at some of those articles you recommended,
Thanks so much for sharing, and Im glad I found others who can relate and share their experiences.
|
Feb 15 '10
1:49 pm PST
|
|
It is PDD-NOS, but is it (Reply to this comment)
by vinkins
Dear daughter is now 5. She didnt start talking until 2, we didnt know why. She needed glasses. You could call her name and she wouldnt respond.Her brother is 6. I used to have to take DH to work and load both kids in the van. DD would sometimes throw the worst tantrums, kicking hitting biting me. Often time it was becuase the transition for whatever the situation might be was not good for her. Even going to someones house and leaving was too much.
WE just found out the daignosis, not that we even know what it really is. She went to behavioral therapy for a year.She has been in speech. her therapist left. she is still in speech and has improved some there. She still has her tantrums occasionally. She also pesters her brother and can hurt him at times. She bites, kicks, and does whateveer. I have depresion and anxiety but with her therapist was able to work on myself some. Ive learned a little better how to not lose control of myself, or have an anxiety attack with DD, Im learning to let her loveon me when she needs to, not ignoring her. My mom finally understands that she needs extra help, but still gets frustrated a little. Its hard when she starts hurting my son.My son is finally fighting back, and sometimes DD gets hurt. DH still gets mad, but is starting to calm again knowing she cant help herself.
Shes in preschool now, and does well. I want to put her in the private christian school my son is in, but am concerned that if she has a tantrum that they might not know how to handle her.
Its one day at a time. So is this Autism, really. Cuz some say PDD-NOS, iant that specific.Since her therapist is gone now( She went to the place who just diagnosed her with PDD-NOS)I might need to get her one to work on behavioral therapy. She will continue to get speech. I sort of feel at a wall in knowing what to do for her.
Im glad I found the article and would like to hear from you MaryTara if you will, to get some ideas and maybe suggestions.great article by the way.
|
Feb 15 '10
1:43 pm PST
|
|
Re: Re: Re: Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by jdhauer
I received some really wonderful advice and help once. My older daughter was having some difficulties (a full blown out meltdown) and I was trying to deal with that and also holding the baby at the same time. An older woman came over to me and said: "Please, let me hold the baby so you can do whatever you need to for your other child." Best, most helpful thing ever. Meltdown was finished in under 30 seconds and I was able to get both kids packed up and in the car in less than three minutes to get home!
|
Apr 24 '07
5:54 am PDT
|
|
Re: Re: Re: Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by marytara,  in Kids & Family
AMEN to that!!!!
That's great!!!!!
|
Apr 23 '07
4:02 am PDT
|
|
Re: Re: Re: Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by Lisa_J
"When I said that I wasn't, she told me - loudly - that I should "just look 'em straight in the eye and tell 'em to shut up and stop bothering that baby!", then turned around and stared firmly at the crowd. The other folks quickly dispersed."
**clapping**
I like to hear about this sort of incidents. Thanks for sharing!
Lisa
|
Apr 23 '07
3:03 am PDT
|
|
Re: Re: Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by hadassahchana
"Really, how often has a complete and total stranger ever offered you good unsolicited advice? "
Once, that I can remember. I was out with #3, he was just starting to have one of his meltdowns, and people started making comments. Then, a very large grandmotherly woman stepped up and asked if I was related to any of the people who were giving me free advice. When I said that I wasn't, she told me - loudly - that I should "just look 'em straight in the eye and tell 'em to shut up and stop bothering that baby!", then turned around and stared firmly at the crowd. The other folks quickly dispersed. There is nothing like a grandma with a thick Southern accent to get any situation under control.
:D
|
Apr 22 '07
10:05 am PDT
|
|
Re: Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by mmcphee
I have to agree that MYOB is the best way to handle most parent-child interactions. I get "helpful" advice all the time. Really, how often has a complete and total stranger ever offered you good unsolicited advice?
ME
|
Apr 21 '07
7:12 am PDT
|
|
Re: Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Kimm,
Sadly the thing is that people WILL say things!!!
I have had people say things to me all the time!
~MT
|
Apr 21 '07
5:55 am PDT
|
|
Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by KMINER,  in Kids & Family
late to answer, and I highly doubt Bonnie and I will ever agree on anything, but ... please don't put words in my mouth.
I think people SHOULD mind their own business ... when dealing with YOUR own child, with a disability or not, other onlookers should recognize that all too often the parent is HANDLING IT and knows their child best. I think coming over to a parent and saying anything is extremely, extremely inappropriate.
Kimm
|
Apr 20 '07
3:43 pm PDT
|
|
Re: I wish... (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Cindy,
Thanks for the comment and sharing your experience on this one. I can totally see where I'd get to the point of telling someone to "F** off" because people are just rude. Not that that justifies me to be rude back, but its stressful.
I hope for us the tantrums are a stage and we pass through them. It often seems as if there is no end in sight.
|
Apr 11 '07
4:22 am PDT
|
|
Re: Compelled to write (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks for sharing your experience at the daycare. Sounds like this little boy has found a special place :) I wish him continued success.
|
Apr 11 '07
4:20 am PDT
|
|
Re: So informative! (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Anna,
Thanks for the comment, as for tuning out the people in the background when your own child is acting up. THIS IS HARD TO DO! If you have any pointers on that, let me know!
~MT
|
Apr 11 '07
4:18 am PDT
|
|
Re: very helpful to me (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Jill,
before I had children I was this way too. And I'm not certain if I would still be like that if I didn't have a child on the autism spectrum. This is exactly why I "put this out there".
Thank you for stopping by here and your heartfelt comment,
MaryTara
|
Apr 11 '07
4:14 am PDT
|
|
Re: Really interesting read! (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
C-
Thanks for the great comment and also sharing how you've dealed with the tantrums with a sensory integration kid. As I understand that DSI (sensory int. dysfunction) is also on the autism spectrum.
As far as picking out a kid in the lineup. My son's picture is on my profile page... Does he "look" autistic to you? He looks like every other little boy his age to me....
|
Apr 11 '07
4:07 am PDT
|
|
I wish... (Reply to this comment)
by hadassahchana
....every parent could read this. I don't mean every parent of an autistic child, I mean every parent. I get so frustrated when other people in Target etc. feel that they have to offer their opinion of my child. I'm afraid I have lashed out at those giving "advice", and in fact told one woman to f*** off. That isn't something I ever say, but the situation warranted it.
Without criticizing other commentors, I think this is in the ideal place. For someone watching one of my child's meltdowns, it really does look like a temper tantrum, although thankfully we've mostly grown out of theose. In our case, the meltdown was due to a mixture of fear as well as frustration. My child is afraid of people, most of whom he finds totally unpredictable.
This was so well-written. Many hugs to you.
Cindy
|
Apr 10 '07
6:41 am PDT
|
|
Compelled to write (Reply to this comment)
by missy0303
I work in a daycare centre where we have recently had a little boy who is only 3 join us, he is most definitely somewhere on the autistic spectrum although we're not sure where yet. We have assigned 2 people to care for him as he doesn't like a lot of people around him, he does have tantrums when things aren't going according to his little routine but like you said a firm voice and praise often brings him out of this quickly. He is a lovely child who is bright and happy and a true pleasure to have in the centre, it is amazing that the other children (of which there is often up to 40) just accept that this is the way the child is and don't ask questions about why he gets special treatment!
Your son is obviously a wonderful boy and you are a wonderful mum! x
|
Apr 08 '07
1:35 am PDT
|
|
So informative! (Reply to this comment)
by mommy_quigg
Thank you for such an enlightening read! I try to avoid grimacing when I hear a child cry (including my own) and constantly remind myself that I don't know the whole situation. I don't know what stress the child (or parent) has been under and try very hard not to judge. This gives me something else to ponder.
This will also help me to tune out other people when my son is upset and they are glaring at me and focus on making the situation better for my son. Thank you very much.
Anna
|
Apr 04 '07
8:57 pm PDT
|
|
very helpful to me (Reply to this comment)
by njchicaa
I'm not a mother and have no real experience with young children. I *am* one of those people that immediately gets angry when I hear a screaming child in a store or restaurant. I *am* that person giving you snotty looks. I apologize for that. I never really considered the fact that it could be an autistic child before. In fact, I think I even got annoyed at a barbeque once when an autistic child ran around screaming and destroying things all day.
So you can see why I'm not a mother. =) Thanks for writing this, MaryTara. I will remember your words for a very long time to come...
Jill
|
Apr 03 '07
2:59 am PDT
|
|
Really interesting read! (Reply to this comment)
by Horswispr
They tell me I'm a developmental psychologist. I wonder if I could spot an autistic kid in a lineup. I'm glad you pointed out that looks of disapproval etc. don't help. I found it interesting that you advised against providing too much information. I tend to give a reason for my request, but I haven't worked with many autistic kids. My one recent sensory integration problem kid (I actually think she was on the autism spectrum but that wasn't her diagnosis)avoided eye contact, hated breaks in structure, and sometimes didn't understand the effects of her actions on others. I was real concrete with her and tried to enter her world--her way of perceiving things. If she pitched a fit, I'd try to mirror her emotions ("Wow...you look mad") and then ask her to do this or that when her fit was over ("When you're done with your tantrum could you help me pick up these magnets?"). It actually worked. She made amazing progress over the months I worked with her. But I had the benefit of a fairly controlled environment. I admire your patience, both with your child and with those around you. Thanks for an interesting piece!
--C
|
Apr 03 '07
12:45 am PDT
|
|
Re: Hi (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Hi, thanks for stopping by and the comment.
The form of autism you are talking about is aspergers syndrome. It is usually diagnosed later on, yes. There is a lot of great info on Epinions about aspergers. Read the review that Shantel wrote
http://www.epinions.com/content_3082133636
and also the one that Bonnie wrote
http://www.epinions.com/content_3857227908
for good places to start.
Thanks again for the comment.
|
Apr 02 '07
9:17 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Speaks to those who need to know (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks so much for your kind words. I have a lot of "tough" but important reviews to write this month. It will be nice to get back to girly baby toys!
|
Apr 02 '07
9:11 pm PDT
|
|
Hi (Reply to this comment)
by elzora
My goddaughter has a form of autism, Asbergers. She was not diagnosed until she was in Junior High. Many many years of frustration were endured by parents, teachers, and friends. I think that people reading your review might be able to spot some similarities between your child and theirs. For example, the inability to change routines - this was a huge problem for her child. You addressed that issue.
It may inspire parents/caregivers to look further into the child's behavioral issues to see if a diagnosis needs to be determined. Although from what I learned, Asbergers is hard to diagnose.
I just think had my friend read information like your review, a light may have gone off in her head making her say "aha! that sounds like my child". Half the problem is getting that diagnosis. Until then you cannot understand the real problems and won't know how to best manage them.
|
Apr 02 '07
8:51 pm PDT
|
|
Speaks to those who need to know (Reply to this comment)
by mom_to_m
MT, I'm so glad you wrote this article. It is amazing how many people do not even know what autism is or that it exists. Yet, there are children with autism all around us. Hopefully, more people will read this and gain the insight they need to be more understanding and patient the next time they see any child having what they see as a temper tantrum.
|
Apr 02 '07
8:48 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Very helpful (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks Mel,
Apparently I've stirred the pot from the lively comments section here. That wasn't my intention, but rather to just share my personal experience. Like I said in the essay, I don't claim to be an expert. Just a mom living through this and always learning.
Thanks again for the great comment, and glad you "got it".
~MT
|
Apr 02 '07
8:31 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Hi Bonnie,
Thanks for the comment with lots of info and good links in it.
We've worked with a behaviorist at length on it and even she compared what he is doing to a temper tantrum because in many ways it is. Most importantly though, I wanted to share with others that what they might observe (a meltdown, or behavior) looks like a child having a temper tantrum and to not pass judgement because the child may be on the spectrum and acting out in the 'best' way that they can. Whether Alex can 'help it' or not, if he has one of these in a public place we've gotta deal with it. Similar to if my daughter has a temper tantrum, I've gotta deal with it. The reasons why the kids have them and how they are dealt with have many similarities as well as differences.
I like the ideas you shared about going into a store (like Target etc). I've actually gotten it down to almost a science in terms of being able to get to the store and get the shopping done. I'm good as long as he's holding something (like his Leapster of FP3 player, headphones also help). At Target he also likes to stop at the food counter first and get a hot dog (which he doesn't even really eat, but its 99 cents and I can get our shopping done). In the grocery store, he likes to help and as long as I do the aisles in the order he'd like we are usually OK -I need to always buy bananas and grapes if I take him with me though. Otherwise one time he ran out of the checkout aisle and into produce when he realized we'd skipped the bananas.
I went back and forth on putting this with Temper Tantrum or over in the disabilities section but after I found a handful of other essays written about tantrums dealing with Autism spectrum children written in this category (rated as Very Helpful) I decided this was probably a more specific/better spot.
|
Apr 02 '07
8:28 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Wow (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Thanks Rachael,
Each day at a time. My son is an amazing little boy.
I'm glad to have made friends like you!
~MT
|
Apr 02 '07
8:17 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Nicely said .... (Reply to this comment)
by marytara, in Kids & Family
Kimm,
Don't even get me started on how overwhelming a school cafeteria can be. My son loves to eat but for a while he was boycotting lunch because the lunchroom was too loud! I'm glad that they decided to move the preschoolers into eating lunch in their class because the cafeteria was too "big", crowded and loud for them.
~MT
|
Apr 02 '07
8:16 pm PDT
|
|
Very helpful (Reply to this comment)
by mjtriplett
MT -
As a parent who is not all that familiar with autism or autistic behavior, I found this incredibly insightful and helpful. I didn't really see it as you calling Alex's behaviors temper tantrums at all, but as using the TT analogy to compare behaviors to normal TTs and to define how uninformed people might see things.
Although I probably should, I will admit that I know nothing about the more technical autism terminology. I found your writing here to be especially helpful to someone coming from an environment where the behavior you describe is simply a temper tantrum. Although being a parent took away most of the judgments I might have fostered in situations as you described, your article definitely made me more aware of what might be otherwise invisible causes for the behavior.
In short, thanks for the great info =)
Mel
|
Apr 02 '07
7:27 pm PDT
|
|
Another opinion (Reply to this comment)
by bonniesayers
Personally I do not feel the term "temper tantrum" should be used when discussing behaviors in autistic children.
Regarding another comment about onlookers minding their own business - it is all about promoting awareness and that is doing the opposite and not helpful in the long run.
A term used in this essay - "acting out inappropriately" is not really what behavior management is all about. I am not really sure where you got this information or why a school is utilizing the term "temper tantrum". In my mind a temper tantrum sounds like someone who is doing it on purpose and "acting out" seems to imply that as well.
A child on the spectrum with behavior issues needs a behavior support plan, which is part of an IEP. Also it is quite possible that a FBA - functional behavior analysis or FAA - functional analysis assessment by a psychologist would need to be done.
My son Matthew had one a few years ago by my request and has had behavior support plans and amended IEPs to change it as needed.
The ABCs need to be addressed - Antecedent, Behavior and Consequence. A daily log can be done with the times for this and sent home to parent. My son has a communication log that lists these and the form is one from a site I found a few years ago with great documents:
www.burbank.com/autism - I printed this all out and handed it out at an IEP mtg.
A book I suggest getting is -
A treasure chest of behavioral strategies for individuals with autism. It has great case studies.
I wrote a review on a book by Catherine Maurice on Behavior here many years ago and it is good for kids that are younger.
When discussing behavior I feel it is imperative to use the keywords, which I did not see here. It is all about positive behavior management.
The documents utilized when one gets a FAA are the Vineland Behavior Scales and the BASC - Behavior Assessment System for Children. I filled out parent rating scales for both and kept copies.
Here are some articles that cover this topic in depth on my site with related resources -
Behavior Support Planning -
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art34699.asp
Behavior Resources for Parents and Professionals -
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art47336.asp
Example of a Functional Analysis Assessment Report -
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art42371.asp
Self Stimulatory Behavior -
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art41323.asp
I do think that Melissa has a point and that this could be confusing to those not familiar with someone on the spectrum. I have never heard of behavior issues being described as a temper tantrum and would suggest using the proper terminology.
I received parent training over the summer in behavior management and have attended many classes on this topic over the years.
When Matthew would have meltdowns at the grocery store I went about changing our preparation for these visits and outings and looking at the antecedent, was he hungry at that time, was the store busy during this time, etc.
When he was getting restless in the afternoons we would head down the street to the lake for a walk or two around the lake.
When we go to Target or Toys R Us we first go to the videos for him to get one and hold around the store. When I pick him up from school I have a video for him to hold and a bag of pretzels for him to eat.
I also went around the stores showing the magazines that did cover stories on autism and gave them to store clerk to read. Matt wears his tshirts to events and places that mention he has autism, I hand out bookmarks that explain in english on one side and spanish on the other about autism.
Just today they asked me about him at the library since we have not been there in a while. HE would reorganize the video section and get pretty loud there.
At the laundromat I bring newspaper for him to shred. Just some examples of how we accommodate and plan around what might trigger a behavior incident and I have never in nine years referred to any behavior incident as a temper tantrum, because that is not what is happening.
Bonnie
http://autismspectrumdisorders.bellaonline.com
http://autismfamilies.gather.com
|
Apr 02 '07
6:38 pm PDT
|
|
Wow (Reply to this comment)
by iamrachael
Well written and well addressed. I can't even begin to imagine what you've dealt with, endured, and seen. Thank you so much for taking the time to touch on these important things.
My heart and support for your family this Autism awareness month, and always.
Hugs to you, Belle, and Alex from me.
- Rachael
|
Apr 02 '07
6:34 pm PDT
|
|
|
