Kingfish Presents The First-Ever "Let's Go Database Diving" Write-Off
Apr 22 '07 (Updated Jun 14 '07)
The Bottom Line Thrill-Seekers unite - Come Explore The "Let's Go Database Diving" Write-Off as we attempt to locate the strange and humorous bits and bytes of the beast within.
In the tradition of the popular pastime known as Dumpster Diving, where bargain hunters, yard-sale types and otherwise normal folk seek discarded items of treasure, we here at Epinions look to the database for treasure of a different sort...
In celebration of the sun leaving the current astrological sign of whatever, and transiting into the sign of my birth, the Glorious Taurus, I present for your approval the Write-Off to (hopefully not) end all Write-Offs.
Since the accessibility of the Database here at Epinions is determined by the position of the planets and the ebb-and-flow of the tides, the practical Bull that is Taurus suggests no better time than the present to explore its wonders. Of the hundreds of thousands (millions?) of products listed within, only a small percentage have been reviewed. All of the examples given here are the result of single words fed into the Database search bar resulting in real products (most with photo) awaiting review.
When my latest review is posted, and I just can’t rate another review of Concrete Mixers, I go fishing off the coast of Eps Island. It’s easy. Just bait your hook with a word like Carrot, click on the Books folder, type it into the search bar and Voila! - 5 whole pages of books with the word Carrot in the title appear - 66 results, of which 4 are currently reviewed.
The Giant Carrot is one of those reviewed, but My Dog Is A Carrot isn’t, though it is accompanied by a nifty photo. Coco The Carrot, the story of a carrot who escapes the refrigerator and flees to Paris to become a hat designer, is lonely in the database, as is the appropriately monikered The Lonely Carrot. While Why Should I Eat This Carrot? languishes with a fading glimmer of hope for reviewer attention, the same cannot be said for Carrot Top: A Portrait of the irritating (alleged) comedian.
Not only is Database Diving fun, it makes the front office happy ‘cause you’re in effect scraping-off these bizarre barnacles from the hull of the Epinions Ship-of-State. Your favorite Category Lead will be pleased with the reduction in Suggest-A-Product forms to be processed, and all these firstie reviews increase your opportunity to win the coveted Twilight Zone-inspired Epi Dolls in the monthly sweeps.
The book Concrete and Wild Carrot got me thinkin’ ‘bout my next fishing expedition, so I sat stone-faced with my Cement Guitar, contemplating a totally groovy Cement Rainbow, only to discover to my amazement that Children Are Wet Cement, though I don’t remember that phase of my childhood - and a fact not listed in my 1995 North American Cement Directory.
See how much fun this can be? Most every library system in existence will be able to secure a copy of Watermelon Wishes without actually suffering Death from Falling Watermelons. If this should happen despite all due precaution, Plant Watermelons on My Grave and Let the Joice Ooze Down, as long as Joice has no objection.
Of course, this is meant to be a fun event, so if the Database gives you the Willys and you just cannot Fathom a trip into this coal mine without your canary in tow, not to worry. The Kingfish "Let's Go Database Diving" Write-Off includes all things funny, wacky and downright strange. Since everyone has a different interpretation of funny, wacky and downright strange, our rules are appropriately lax.
Aside from the aforementioned qualifications, other possibilities include products that didn’t work as promised, such as your new washer that roams around the house during the spin cycle. Of course, ball point pen, rubber band and file-folder reviews are intrinsically bizarre and, as such, fit the category and are always welcome, as are Writer’s Corner pieces that amuse, entertain and/or frighten with delight, while still providing our usual top quality consumer information and assistance.
Four excellent and erstwhile examples of the type of reviews that come to mind are represented by Millinocket’s Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure, Dianapinions Animusic 2, Shmoo1's The Hunting of the Snark, and Smorg’s M22: Ascanio in Alba.... Mozart Is Lucky He’s Dead.
Unlike the monthly sweeps, our "Let's Go Database Diving" Write-Off offers no prizes, so all peoples of the earth are welcome to participate. Simply post your review, then leave the URL in the comments section below. Your name and review title will be promptly added to the list of links that appear at the conclusion of this posting.
Kindly link your review to this posting so that anyone who wishes to participate will know where to access the necessary information.
One more consideration if you’ve ever encountered The Bloodthirsty Weasels: On the Loose and Buck Wild. In the words of author John Jughead Pierson, never place Weasels In A Box, and if you value your sanity, Never Tease a Weasel.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, folks - so dress accordingly, Database Dive with abandon, and participate jest for the halibut.
That Beatnik Rutabaga, otherwise known as the Shmoo suggested a mention of the searchword that led to your particular Database treasure might be an interesting addition - at the reviewer's option, of course.
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If the fun of hosting a write-off is in your future, please check-out my essay entitled Hosting A Write-Off - Variations On A Theme for insight to my introductory experience.
My thanks to those who participate, as well as all who observe from the sidelines... Most important, Folks - Have Fun!!!
...Drum roll, please!... The entries thus far...
Little Jordan Ray's Muddy Spud in Books by nagels
Jerks With Cell Phones Beware in Books by cmaw63
Falcon, Interrupted in Sports Apparel and Memorabilia by pmills1210
Let's Go Database Diving - rkingfish W/O in Writer's Corner by dimeuhday
The Art of the Bonsai Potato: Zen Without the Wait! in Books by rkingfish
Ambrose Bierce and the Ace of Shoots in Books by Stephen_Murray
Mr. Potato Head in a Skin-Tight Suit - A Must See in Toys by nagels
Linoleum - Back By Popular Demand? in Books by rkingfish
A TOYOTA. Race fast ... safe car, a TOYOTA in Books by dianapinions
Look Mom that School Bus is Really a Radio! in Books by lilsquibb
Stupid Celebrities - Moronic Mutterings From Musicians, Moguls, Movie Stars in Books by rkingfish
Potato Paeans. For Bathroom Reading? in Books by nagels
Polybius-The Histories: Database Diving Reveals Hidden Treasure in Books by George_Chabot
What Were They Thinking? in Books by cmaw63
Grover - Messenger Of Love in Books by shmoo1
The Search For Rkingfish (DBD write-off) in Writer's Corner by williampinn
Oddly Enough - Fish-Sniffing Cat Meets Dare-Devil Poultry in Books by rkingfish
An Underwater Treat: Codeword - "Fish" in Books by shmoo1
Hans Hotter, The Hottest Bass On The Block... And He Wasn't Even A Fish! in Books by smorg
Why Do I Do This To Myself?: 505 Unbelievably Stupid Web Pages in Books by cmaw63
What's With the Wildkin Weenie Bag? in Hotels & Travel by iamrachael
Kirk Douglas - Horn-Dawg or Unicorn? in Movies by rkingfish
Another Brush With The Slaw in Home & Garden by nagels
Ely's Coming! in Sports Apparel and Memorabilia by pmills1210
Honey, You Stunk Up the Database: Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987) in Movies by George_Chabot
Maybe it's Better as Part of a Series in Videos & DVDs by carstairs38
Sex And The What?... Who? in Movies by rkingfish
Musical Talk Show in Music by pmills1210
Skims the Surface but Never Goes too Deep in Books by carstairs38
Crap Cars: (Bleep) Boxes I Have Known in Books by rkingfish
A Surprise Party.... in Writer's Corner by Shmoo1
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night - Full of Boring Ghost Stories in Books by cmaw63
Racket Squad - Volume 3 - "Captain Braddock! Are You On Fire?" in Videos and DVDs by rkingfish
Happy Birthday, Dimeuhday! in Writer's Corner by williampinn
Put Up Your Dukes: The Flame of Barbary Coast - Database Dive W/O in Movies by skbreese
Like Clockwork: Sudden Fear in Movies by George_Chabot
If You Were Green, Would You Be a Leaf or Green as a Bean? in Books by Befus
Weird Cures - "Calling Dr. Howard - Dr. Fine - Dr. Howard" in Books by rkingfish
Ames Post Hole Digger: The Tool With Which To Bury My Mom in Home & Garden by popsrocks
DVD of 2006 Sundance Audience Favorite Movie with a Small Budget and a Big Heart in Movies by Stephen_Murray
Greek Classic: Never On Sunday in Movies by skbreese
Fiskars Softouch Trowel 7876 Perfect for Diggin' Up Cancer and Birth Defects in Home & Garden by popsrocks
Public Defender - Volume 1 - Clueless Cons, Girl Gangs and Jockey Shorts in Videos & DVDs by rkingfish
An Open Mind in Books by le_domaine
A. J. Nelson's Greatest Hit? in Movies by pmills1210
When I Grow Up, I Want To Be Pond Scum in Books by Millinocket
Beatles Covers By The Stars in Music by pmills1210
A fish out of water of a sport bar in Restaurants & Gourmet by Smorg
The 1988 Eagle Medallion - Franco-American EsCargot Rolls Down Memory Lane in Cars & Motorsports by rkingfish
Touched By Dirty Filthy Love in Movies by cr01
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