A frown is a corporate smile turned upside-down
Written: Dec 22 '01 (Updated Dec 23 '01)
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There are a few things in life that make the hair on my facial mole stand on end. One is seeing a beautifully crafted sign with a blatant grammatical error (usually a possessive is where a plural should be). Another are those ubiquitous framed posters that have cropped up in every corporate office over the past ten years (along with the deluge of their companion self-help books). You know the posters. They have a large, slick picture of people doing some physical activity, a wide shot of a breathtaking landscape, or a close-up of some potentially metaphoric mundane item. Then they slap some Human Resource buzzword across it, usually something like Excellence, Success, or Teamwork.
These "motivational" posters remind me of the old IBM sign that had "THINK" spelled out across it. It was supposed to make IBM workers think, because, I guess, without the obvious prompt, they'd spend the day clipping their toenails. And today these newer colorful posters are supposed to make us excel...and team...else we're apt to fail...alone.
Well, these posters do not motivate me. In fact, they annoy the sh*t out of me. I know that TV and magazine ads manipulate my behavior, but no picture of a lake with "Opportunity" emblazoned over it will get me to do anything but spell "opportunity" correctly. But I've finally found a way to counter the disturbing effects of these motivational shams.
Thanks to the derisive product line of Despair, Inc., I can hang my own "demotivational" framed poster in my office (okay, my cube). It's a colorful, slick picture of the leaning Tower of Pisa and its buzzword and caption read: "Mediocrity: It Takes a Lot Less Time, and Most People Won't Notice the Difference Until It's Too Late."
Despair, Inc., has dozens of these oh-so-true gems enscribed on posters, coffee mugs, calendars, award plaques, and notecards, all of it as glossy as the corporate crap it mocks. I had ordered the "Dare to be Average" lithograph pack (four posters for $47.85), which includes my favorite: a close-up of a bead of dew dripping from a blade of green grass amidst a vibrant green backdrop. It reads: "Underachievement: The Tallest Blade of Grass is the First to be Cut by the Lawnmower." I ordered from their web site and got my hassle-free order within the week, but you can also phone in an order.
So, if a picture of a handshake and the word "Trust" printed on it doesn't float your boat, that same picture with the following caption might do it for you. "Consulting: If You're Not a Part of the Solution, There's Good Money to be Made in Prolonging the Problem." Or maybe "Failure: When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough" is more your style. If you're tired of teaming and weary of winning, Despair, Inc., has for you a bounty of twisted bromides that would make Dilbert proud. Even better, they take the wind out of the sails of those cheerleading go-getters that started hanging up this corporate crap art in the first place!
Recommended:
Yes
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About the Author
Location: Boston, MA, USA
Reviews written: 16
Trusted by: 16 members
About Me: NEWS FLASH: Pigeons don't poop in flight, and they don't lift their heads to drink.
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