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Becoming A Much Better Father — From Teenagers to BabiesJun 26 '07 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I'm proud to be a dad, despite the difficulties life presents from time to time. The rewards far outweigh anything I could ever imagine.
Becoming a parent is never an easy task, no matter how well you try to prepare yourself for the role. I knew this when a got married a few years ago. Not only was I going to be a husband to my wife, but I was also going to be a stepfather to a (back then) twelve-year old boy. In one fell swoop, I had an instant family (just pour water over the contents and stir rigorously for desired results). So for me, fatherhood wasn’t something that was a natural progression watching a child grow up from the early days as a baby. It was thrust upon me during a time when the tween was turning into a teen. How was any inexperienced dad supposed to handle this situation? Just like any other dad... through trial and error. It has taken a few years to get my footing and by no means have I even come close to mastering my newfound responsibility. Still, I have managed to figure out some necessary guidelines for both my son and me. • Assert Your Authority Right off the bat, I knew this was going to be the biggest problem. For years, my son has only had to deal with a solitary authority figure... his mother. Having someone new into the mix was going to create an interesting situation. Even trickier was trying to find that balance between father-figure and companion. I knew I quickly had to establish my authoritative presence. And it’s a good thing I did because in just a few years, I was (and still am) challenged left and right to see if I will break. He has learned that I’m unbreakable. He also has learned that when I speak on important things, it’s a serious matter. My wife will usually defer to me because I’m not one to get into a shouting match and can talk to him in a calm manner, most of the time. Surprisingly, he will actually listen. Go figure. • Cheat Codes Not Allowed Anyone who has a child will probably have a video game console of some sort, and anyone who has played these games know that having cheat codes have become the norm. My son is no different. Whenever he gets a new game, the first thing he does is download all the cheat codes before even trying out the game. I always refuse to play with him whenever he does this and he keeps asking me why. I rather earn my victory on my own through my own determination and ingenuity instead of finding that quick fix solution. I think kids these days expect everything to instantly happen for them and don’t have the patience to wait for anything. By advising him not to use cheat codes, I’m trying to instill in him that he can accomplish anything if he puts the hard work into it without taking shortcuts all the time. The results will be far more satisfying knowing that the victory was earned through incredible work ethic. Besides, it keeps an even playing field as I have discovered that I truly suck at these current video games. • Treat His Mommy Like a Lady I am always aware at how I treat my wife in front of our son. Regardless if we are getting along or having a disagreement, I do my best not to show any disrespect towards her. He’s at the age where the opposite sex is becoming more and more enticing. He’s also surrounded by other teenage boys, who are starting to objectify women. I want him to understand what it means to show respect to a woman because there will come a time when he will want to date, to have a girlfriend, and one day even have a wife. I have zero tolerance when he is rude and disrespectful towards my wife and his mother, and he is aware that he cannot get away with behaviour such as that, regardless if he is belligerent and having a disagreement. Zero tolerance. I also put it into perspective for him since he understands through example. Imagine his peers talking about girls in a not-so-nice way. Now replace these girls’ name with his mother’s. How would he feel about people showing disrespect like that? Would he tolerate it? • Teaching Him to Fail Nobody likes to fail at anything but not everyone is perfect. Failure is often seen as a negative thing, and why wouldn’t it? Nobody feels good after failing at a task. For teenagers, it can be devastating to their self-esteem if they don’t know how to deal with it properly. I see failure as a way to learn from mistakes, to realize that maybe I don’t know everything as I thought I did. But there is good and bad failure; good if the effort was made and the results were still not what expected; bad if no effort was made at all. My son is slowly realizing this. He is going to fail in a lot of things but he will also succeed as well if he takes what he learns to heart. I don’t know why I thought I was going to have an easier time becoming a father when I got married. The boy was at the cusp of becoming a teenager and I thought I came into the family at the perfect time. I didn’t consider all the obstacles that were coming my way. The development growth of a young boy is something I missed. I never got to see him develop his personality, to see many of his firsts as a child. I don’t have the memories that my wife and son share with each other, so there are times I feel like they are talking another language. But I do know I have the present and the future to see him grow into a young adult. I may be in his life as a guardian, protector and a teacher, but I feel like he’s the one teaching me how to be a good dad. He has taught me to be strong and true in my convictions. And you should see the looks I get from people when I say I have a 15-year old son. They look at me and must be thinking that I was 15 when I had him. I never correct or explain this to people, though. I think of him as my son; he is my son and I’m his father. It doesn’t matter what people think. I’ve only done this dad job for three years to this teenager but for the first time, I feel like I’ve been his dad all his life. I think of how my father raised his children. I hope I can do at least half the job he did and do it well. My foray into fatherhood is a gift. My son is teaching me that I can do many things that I never thought possible. I hope some of what I am doing is rubbing off on him as well in a positive way. So why am I thinking about my job as a father? Right now, I’m raising a teenager and going through these trials and tribulations with him. But when November 2007 rolls around, I’ll have the experience of being a father to a newborn child. Yes, Baby Visdo is coming! Be afraid. Be very afraid. I seem to be doing everything in reverse. ***My wife has not budged on this statement she made years ago: “I hereby promise not to write one review about a diaper pail as long as I live.”  |
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