One big, looooong update on me.Sep 02 '07 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Exhausted, but I'm still around. Not nearly as much as I was, but once in a while I darken the doorstep. Warning: the review you are about the read will probably be extremely long and will cover just about ever topic under the sun. If you don't want to know, or don't care, just stop reading now. I'm sure some people are wondering what the heck happened to me lately. The past two years, or so, have been...eventful, to say the least. I'm going to go back and start at my gastric bypass surgery and hit the highlights so you can see not only where I have been, but where I am now and why. Please forgive any spelling errors or grammar errors as I've haven't been online much (which is big for me, as any who really know me know) so my typing is really rusty. On May 2, 2005 I had Gastric Bypass surgery. If you are interested in more details about it you can find specifics on my profile page here on Epinions, as I outlined it in detail, before and after. It was really a mixed blessing. While I lost 130, overall, Going from a start weight of 345 and getting down to 198, finally settling at 225 (yes I gained some back, which makes me ill) I've had a lot of stomach problems. No one really noticed the weight gain but me. I've lost track of how many times I've had to have Endoscopies (which is having a scope put down your throat) done, but I had three done that July, alone. I lost count at seven. I am still having problems, more than two years later, and they don't know why. I still have really bad reflux and heartburn and am on not only Zantac but also Protonix (just switched to Nexium this week instead of Protonix due to the military no longer carrying Protonix) while they try to figure it out. I am healthier than I was, as I no longer have high blood pressure and am no longer diabetic, but I traded off for new health issues they aren't sure how to fix. My veins are now crap. They can't get an IV in me to save my life. They hate to see me coming now. They know me in the same day surgery clinic and I swear they draw straws or something to see who gets stuck with me, or they stick the new people with me that don't know any better. They have to use 22 and 24 gauge (I believe, juvenile size) needles on me now, like they use in little kids. Anything else blows my veins. I come out looking like I've been beaten; bruised up from where they've tried to put IVs in and missed. This last surgery took three tries in my hand (which is usually easy) and it was so sore! They even numbed it each time, but they didn't quite let the numbing medicine work before they tried the last time and my poor hand looked like crap! It was one big bruise! I couldn't move my hand at all (it was right on my wrist) because they were afraid it would blow, so they strapped my hand so it wouldn't move. (sigh) Between all of the endoscopies (they sedate you), the blood draws (checking for this, that and the other thing, as well as pre-op stuff), and surgeries, my veins have had it. I'm also seriously needle-phobic, and a major weenie, which doesn't help. As some of you know, from following my Epinions, I got pregnant 3 months after I had my gastric bypass surgery. My surgeon wasn't thrilled, but he got over it. He knew I'd never agree to abort (he knew my history of infertility) so they put me into the high risk OB clinic. Jesse was born in April, 2006. The last Sunday in May, 2006, Memorial Day Weekend, I thought I had pulled a muscle in my left upper chest/shoulder. Since Jesse was only 4 weeks old, and Zack hated hospitals, not to mention Matt had just had laser eye surgery (PRK, not LASIK) that Thursday, I left Matt and the boys at home and had a friend take me to a civilian ER since I figured not only would it be faster (the Naval Hospital is sloooow) it was much closer. Insurance would cover it, so why not? Well, next thing I know I am in an ambulance on my way to Portsmouth Naval Hospital (I can go to the ER and be treated but if I am within a certain distance I have to be transported to a military clinic if I have to be admitted - stupid rule but they didn't ask me) and laying in ICU. I hadn't pulled a muscle after all. 35% of my lung wasn't working due to pneumonia. My husband was home, alone and practically blind with a newborn and a special needs child and we have no family to help. I stunned the doctors roughly 30 hours later when I walked out of the ICU AMA (Against Medical Advice). They freaked out. No one had ever done that before. I said well, there is a first time for everything. Needless to say, I lived, even though they assured me I'd die because my heart rate was almost twice what it should be and my blood oxygen level was only about 91%. I called my primary care doctor and she had a company deliver oxygen to our home and prescribed antibiotics and such. Yeah, I might have gotten better faster in ICU but I couldn't leave my family like that. Maybe it was a dumba$$ thing to do, but I felt it had to be done. No one could visit me, my husband couldn't drive, and my boys were to young (visitors had to be 12 or older, so I had none). I have stuff to do and sitting in a glass hospital room being stared at by a nurse all day wasn't one of the things on my list. Three weeks later I had laser eye surgery, myself. Since my husband had it first (I was chicken, to be honest), I kind of knew what to expect. I also went the PRK route, but I actually did much better than he did and healed much faster and had almost no pain, unlike he did. The Navy did his, a Civilian place did mine. Could be the reason, but who really knows? It's like the Gastric Bypass Surgery. It's a crap shoot and you never know how your body will react. My eyes are still very light sensitive, but I'm glad I did it. I don't miss my glasses at all. And I love my sunglasses. They have a cute little design on them that I never could have gotten away with before. I had worn contacts and hated them, so this was great! Expensive, but well worth it! And the plan I got also covers me for life, so as I get older I can get my eyes done again for "free", so in 5 or 10 years as my vision gets worse, as it often does as we get older, I can go in and get my eyes done again and not pay anything for it. It didn't cost that much more and they have clinics all over, so I can go anywhere. Anyway, July 25, 2006, a couple of weeks later, I had my first hernia repair. Yes, I said first. It was in my right groin area. Took them forever to find it, the idiots. I had had pain there for years and they never could find the problem. Thy finally did a CT scan, to shut me up, and low and behold they found I really had a problem with my hip. They loved telling me it hurt because I was overweight and then it was because of the excess skin once I lost the weight. Of course, because of the excess skin they couldn't feel the hernia so it wasn't there, right? Morons. Anyway, it was there and they fixed it. August 28, 2006. Car accident. A lady side swiped us. She hit the front, passenger door, which is where I was sitting. My seat belt tightened up on my lap and UNFIXED my hernia. Not only that but it ripped a new one on the left side. Lovely, huh? Since the Navy moves at the speed of smell, it was November 9 before I could get in to get the right one fixed again. My surgeon (who didn't think it had ripped open again to begin with, I had to fight for a new CT scan, which is how she also found the second one which she also didn't think I had - I hate her) refused to do both at the same time. She said that she would fix the right one since it was more "problematic". Somewhere in all of this mess we were fighting with not only the lady's insurance company (of course they want to not pay out more than they have to) but I was also diagnosed with Post partum Depression. I had been diagnosed with depression some time ago but it had been under control, for the most part. With everything going on, however, my plate run-ith over. I spent a lot of time crying. I do have a problem in my right hip area that can be fixed with surgery, but as it's due to the excess skin, which the Plastic Surgery department said is "cosmetic" I have to cough up $2500 to get it removed. I have a nerve that is being stretched and pinched. My primary care doctor and Surgeon #2 both said it isn't "cosmetic" but plastic surgery doesn't care. Either I pay or I don't get it done. Since I don't have the money, I can't do anything about it right now except tolerate the pain and deal with it. My primary care will fight for me, but there isn't much she can do. Surgeon #2 won't do anything for me. He said that $2500 is less than I'd have to pay if I went to a civilian doctor (which is probably true, except that I am sure I could get a civilian plastic surgeon to sign off that it is medically needed and not cosmetic so I wouldn't have to pay for it, but he wouldn't listen to me) not to mention that he was getting ready to retire and didn't give a hoot. My pain wasn't his problem. I'm hoping that either the attorney will come thru with something from the car accident (BAWHAHAHAHA!!) or that our tax check this coming year will be decent ("when you wish upon a star.....") so that I can get this done before Matt gets out of the Navy. Did I mention that there is a 9-12 month waiting period AFTER you pay for it? Yeah. Cool, huh? The waiting line is that long. If he gets out before I can get it done I can get my money back, but I guess I'm SOL as far as the surgery goes, so if I wait until our tax check, I only have until the middle of Nov, 2008 to get it done. DOH! During the past few months I have been hit from all different directions. I'm not even sure what day it is half of the time. I don't want to check my email anymore and I don't want to answer my phone. It's sad, but it's true. The new little bit will be a jumbled mess because time lines are kind of messed up at this point. Matt's been having a lot of problems at work. They're talking about taking him off of shore duty and putting him back and sea duty and putting him on a ship, and possibly sending him on cruise (this is what they call it when they sent them out for 6+ months on the ship). He has 14 months left on his contract and he is getting out of the Navy. We're going home. He should have been able to finish out his last 14 months on shore duty, which means he'd be home and not have to leave, but now we don't know. He should find something out this week. This has been up in the air for the last few weeks, so I've been half sick over it for a while now. The not knowing it driving me nuts. But then again, every day they jack around is another day he's home, ya know? Jesse is seeing an OT now. He won't eat. Literally. Baby food. People food. Nothing. He gags on it. He's been this way for a while. He was eating baby food and then just stopped. We don't know why. He is still on formula (milk allergy just like Zacky had - so he is still on Nutramigin), but he only drinks MAYBE two 8 oz bottles (won't use a cup of any kind yet) a day, with 4-5 teaspoons of rice cereal in it, if we're lucky. That's it. And he drinks juice (1/2 water, 1/2 white grape juice and that's the only kind he'll drink). Period. He takens in nothing else. He refuses anything else. Zilch. Nada. Nothing goes near his mouth. Food. Toys. Nothing. He still isn't talking, either. Of course, I can't get a damn thing done for him until he's 18 months old, and he's only 16 months old, which makes me want to scream and cry in frustration. Dammit. Why my babies?? Why?? It's so friggin' unfair I want to scream. I know, life isn't fair. His OT is making some progress, which helps. He really likes her, too, which also helps. Zacky starts school this week, and once again he has a new teacher. She seems pretty nice, though, so I hope he does well with her. One of the aides they had last year is back this year, so I am hoping that helps. I haven't heard anything from the bus driver yet, but I am hoping I hear something from them soon. I'd love it if it was the one he had last year, but we couldn't be that lucky. She was great. I called her and left a message, since I hadn't heard anything, but haven't heard back. Someone should have called me by now, but they haven't. If I don't hear something the transit company is going to get a nasty phone call at 7am. If I have to drive him to school again this year they aren't going to like it! He does good if he rides the bus but if I take him he has a major meltdown because I leave him there and he feels like I am abandoning him or something. I end up feeling like dirt and he has a horrible day. One of the few friends that I have in the area moved away a week ago. She got a job in another state dropped in her lap and she only had like two weeks notice. It was really last minute but it was to good to pass up so she had to go. We still talk (luckily we have the same cell phone company so we can talk mobile to mobile) but it's not the same, ya know? I really miss her. It stinks. I'm so used to her dropping by and stuff. It's so hard remembering she's gone. She has a son not much younger than Jesse, so she'd come over so they could play. What am I forgetting? Oh. I had surgery again. July 30th. Hernia repair #3. Left side this time. Surgeon #2 said that this is only the third time in his 20 year career he's ever seen this type of hernia. I feel so special. Oh. My first surgeon transferred overseas. I have an attorney now, but because of the way some of my medical files are worded they don't think my case will win hardly anything (basically I should have taken what they offered before I hired the stupid attorney and let it go) plus they aren't sure they can prove the second hernia was related because of the wording of the files, not to mention because the military took care of the medical treatment, and they don't like to get involved in lawsuits and standing in lawsuits, they aren't sure how my case will go. I left the meeting with my attorney in tears. He isn't sure he can help me. I want to scream. It gets better. I think hernia repair #3 is unfixed, but there isn't much I can do about it because surgeon #2 retired last month. Since surgeon #1 is gone, and they haven't replaced surgeon #2 yet, I'm up a creek without a paddle. Isn't that special? Let's see. Okay. After three rounds of antibiotics I still have a double ear infection. I've basically been sick since we moved to this stupid state. We hate it here. Have I said that? If not, I meant to. It's horrible. I was almost never sick and since we moved here I don't think I've been well. Seriously! I've had pneumonia twice in five years, for Pete's sake! I'm on so many meds it isn't funny! They're talking about putting me on a low dose of antibiotics permanently until we move to keep my ear infections under control because they can't any other way. As soon as I'm off of the antibiotics they come back. They've toyed with putting tubes in my ears. I'm so over it. I'm on Zyrtec and Singular as well as I'm PRESCRIBED Sudafed and Benadryl. How pathetic is that? Without them I can't breathe. I also have an inhaler and a nebulizer. Now, I can go to Indiana (home) and I don't need all of that crap (unless someone cuts their grass then I might need the Benadryl) but as soon as we get about 30 miles into the Virginia border my head clogs up. This state is killing me. Literally. As long as Matt is in the Navy, though, because of Zacky's level of Autism, they won't let us leave the area. So, either we sacrifice my health (and the boys in the long run since they inherited my allergies - especially Jesse who is also on Zyrtec) and he stays in or he gets out and we go back to being civilians and risk insurance issues and such. Lose-lose. Are you still with me? If so, you're probably saying there is no way someone's luck is this bad. I wish you were right. I really do. However, my imagination just isn't that good. I'm not making this up. I know there are things I am forgetting, I just can't think that hard right now. It's midnight and I should be sleeping. I also suffer from insomnia. Ambien doesn't help anymore, and neither does anything else. Because I can't take anything that is time released (due to the gastric bypass surgery) I just hope for sleep. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. My mind doesn't want to shut down, even though my body begs it to. Matt picked up a second job a few days ago to help out with bills, and to also help out when his time is up. It's something he is hoping to make into a full time job when he gets out so he'll have job time/benefits/insurance/pay/promotions/and so on. He's doing everything he can to keep us going. He's fighting to stay off of the ship so the Navy doesn't make him lose that. He got hired on at Sam's Club and they have one back home, as well. They pay was better than we had hoped, and if he can get full time when he gets out, that would be great. He can transfer just about anywhere, so that would be great, too. We're just hoping the Navy doesn't stick him on a stupid ship and screw this up, too. He seems to enjoy it there, as well. There have been days when I don't know why I'm even still here. I look in the happy faces and bright blues eyes of my boys, though, and I know why I'm still here. They're why I'm still here. I can't let them down. I have to be there for them. I have to keep going for them. They need their momma. My family needs me. My husband and my boys are the only bright spots I have left and I hold on tight for dear life.  |
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