I lost half of me and found myself
Sep 03 '07
The Bottom Line Extreme weightloss can sometimes come at a high price.
I had originally thought that my weightloss update from last year would be the final thought on that subject. I attempted to update that review today, but realized there is too much to say yet, so here is the rest of the story.
Since December of 2004 I have lost (and not gained back) over 100lbs. I went from a size 24/26 to a size 10.
My self confidence, which was always pretty high, is even greater now and I now know that there isn't a situation I can't tackle.
That's the good news. Unfortunately there is also bad news. And unfortunately they aren't all related to my health.
The health related stuff is easy. The joints and tendons in my right knee are pretty much shot. According to the Doctor I should not do any activity that puts stress on my knee. Fat chance of that, I am still running, walking and riding horses. I need to move it's as simple as that.
My right hip joint has somewhat deteriorated. In the next ten years or so I am probably looking at a hip replacement, but I'm not too worried about that. So far it's holding up and I only have to take the occasional Tylenol when the pain gets too bad.
Now for the really bad stuff. As a result of the weightloss my marriage has ended. Okay, the weightloss was not the only reason, but it had a big impact on mine and Ex-hubby's decision to call it quits. We are still friendly and rely on each others advice for the most part, but the marriage itself is over.
In a discussion not too long after the divorce, Ex-hubby told me he had a hard time keeping up with me and that every pound I lost made it worse. Not only did I go back to school while holding a full time job, I also helped run the farm, took care of Grandma and ran the household. Ex-hubby helped wherever he could, but with his own set of health problems and the subsequent surgeries, he had to leave most of the daily problems to me. It did nothing for his self-esteem that my income now was almost three times as high as his.
Because we have a fairly good relationship, I don't count this as paying too high a price and it probably would have happened anyway, but it is sad nonetheless.
My new job and the last child leaving the nest have not left me with a feeling of sadness or emptiness. I have more energy now then ever and very seldom will you find me sitting (or standing) still.
I had to get used to a whole new image of myself. Not only do I actually look great in a tank top and tight jeans, but I can now shop in all those stores I wouldn't have dared enter while I was still fat. I am now a regular at Victoria's Secret and stores like Old Navy and so on. I recently (accidently) went into a Lane Bryant store and the sales person asked me if I was shopping for a friend. I almost hugged her.
I've also re-discovered things I used to like. Music has once again become a big part of my life. Not as in playing an instrument or singing (still only in the shower or in teh car when I'm alone) but in the way I use it to express my moods. I've even hacked out a music review somewhere here.
I started playing Pool again. When I was fat bending over the pool table was not a pretty sight and murder on my back. Now I can distract my playing partner with a nice view and get a few shots in before he knows what's happening. Has won me many a game lately :-D
What's also back is my sense of humor. There were times when I was fat where everything that was said and done to me was measured trying to figure out if that person tried to insult me or not. If someone would have sent me the Jonathan Coulton Song "Baby got back" then, I would have never spoken to that person again. Someone did recently and I took it as a compliment.
A neighbor has offered to help me brush up my spanish skills and a trip to Europe is planned for next year.
I enjoy my job so much that I will take on added responsibilities for the rest of this year. This may sound like a bit much, but I promise not to burn the candle on both ends and light it in the middle too.
I have filled my life with new friends and new job responsibilities and find that this strikes the balance I have been looking for. While I don't have a special friend to share life's special moments with, I don't particularly miss this part. Sometimes late at night I wish there was someone there, but overall my life is way too good right now to worry about that. Just as long as I am surrounded by people that love me and support me.
Overall this was a great experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat, but would probably slow down the pace a bit.
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Epinions.com ID:
germank106
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Location: middle of nowhere, MO
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About Me:
Always open to a challenge, or a good write-off.
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