Arrivederci, Epinions!
Dec 23 '07
The Bottom Line Please release my hand. I must catch my train. We shall meet again at some stage, perhaps as strangers in a dark cafe...
Like former Russian President Boris Yeltsin or former British Prime Minster Tim something-or-other – I have jumped ship. Jumped yonder into the land of the gloaming. The wilderness of the written word, where talent scouts circle like a pack of ravenous sharks seeking sustenance and the innards of half-baked writers for lunch. What does this mean? It matters not. I will be gone when this article is over.
Hold on… I am getting ahead of myself here. You know not who I am, whence I come and what is my business. Why is this puffed-up stranger saying arrivederci when we have not as yet been properly introduced?
I was monikered on this site Brian Lettsin. This name is erroneous. I am known on Earth as the citizen Mark Nicholls. The name disgusts me as I am sure it does you. Since Nov 2004, I have been a member of this website, on which I scribed overlong music reviews, book reviews and indulgent blog pieces whenever the afternoon was free and there was nothing but blackness on the horizon. I hail from Scotland. The tenure I held here has served me well as I sat my undergraduate degree at the University of Edinburgh. That time is up, and alas, this time must end too…
Oh, but what does this flimflam matter? These are just facts. What matters is the written word. It endures down the funnels of time, whereas a human body just decays and festers when its time is up. A part of me has been preserved on this website. It shall forever run through my blood like a nasty white blood cell looking to inflict cancer of the abdomen upon the abdomen. For this time… I am indebted.
I would like to pay tribute to all that has pleased me throughout my time here at Epinions and those who have made it a fabulous and torturous time for me in equal measure. Please do not be offended at the flattery and gushing appreciation expressed within the piece. I am tearful here and seek a good honest catharsis.
Oh, The Reviews!
One aspect of this glorious website that captivated me at first was freedom of expression upon the topic of music. As a mere stripling I found that there was an untapped goldmine of aural riches to be unearthed at the insertion of an artist’s name into a search box. I sought to pass the fruits of my knowledge onto others and so I joined posthaste.
When I think of it now… it pains me to recollect. Coming from a lecture on John Milton or Ben Jonson, I used to sit for two hours each afternoon in the library scribing a detailed track-by-track dissection of all the tunes on David Bowie’s mid-sixties work or penning reams of invective towards The Verve. Oh, happy days! Is there a greater place on the web to air one’s musical opinions than here?
To think that at least four or even five people might get to see my words within a ten year period… this feeling was priceless!
I can recall the highlights. That time I panned Bob Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde because I was an imbecile and then deleted the review in haste. What a time! Or that afternoon I had just failed an exam and penned a mournful review of the Pixies’ Doolittle. The memories abound. Perhaps one day I shall write a thoroughly dull book about the whole time and go bankrupt.
To have influence one person to picking up an above-par Pogues LP or to force someone into purchasing the entire Nick Drake oeuvre… this was all I sought. I wanted people to share the same beautiful musical discoveries as I was making. Throughout my time here I discovered the joys of so many wonderful artists, that it would be thoroughly dull to catalogue them all now.
Please do not mistake the happiness in my tone for sarcasm. I seek not to bow out in anger but to part from this friend with a smile. To leave under the misapprehension I was a tosser would be hideous.
Oh, The People!
Arriving here in 2004 I wondered who this assortment of American/Canadian scribblers were and what cause did they have voicing their opinions on music (and assorted other categories)? It soon dawned on me these were likeminded souls to me. Normal and abnormal people with too much free time on their hands who wished to pass on their musical experience (and experience on other categories not in my subject area). Here are just a few tributes to some random folks whom I encountered.
In the relentless musical powerhouse of succinct and assured opinion lambchops I found someone who could excite me about even the dullest of Suede LPs or the neediest of Eels albums. In the barbed wit and fabulous linguistic wizardry of pfyr I found the impetus to find a voice and express opinion in the most entertaining or factually correct way possible. But these are just two personal remembrances…
There have been dozens of others whose work I have poured over and envied. In the dazzlingly expressive work of divine_cheese I found someone who I might have befriended in another life – but never did. Better never than never. In the rambling brilliance of fellow countryman andym173 I discovered that Epinions was not just an exclusive club for the American contingent. He has run off too but if he should ever read this he ought to be thoroughly grateful.
But to thank everyone who dropped me a comment, who enjoyed a review of mine… this would take me a long time and I have waffles in the oven. Plus I cannot recall all five of their names. More regular than others were the winsome panguitch and angienic2001 whose comments cheered a lonesome review of mine on a dull Sunday afternoon. However, I am appreciative to all those who stumbled upon one single review of mine during this time and can only ask that you forget me. Just… forget me. I am no longer worthy of your comments.
A personal and public acknowledgement must be paid to my reliable friend lammet for his time and encouragement. He shall be thanked in private later, and the contents of that e-mail are not for public consumption so please mind your own business. I joke, I joke! I reassure you that I am not a tosser.
Oh, It’s Almost Over!
The time has come to part. I must leave this marvellous forum and plead for those who remain to cheer up. If ever you feel unappreciated, that no one is going to read your piece or that you are wasting your time… think of that one person who stumbles upon your review in 2021. You might just change his life with your words.
How was that for a schmaltzy goodbye?
See you around, you assorted group of people between the ages of 16-80 from various parts of the world in differing trades, socio-economic groups and of varying educational abilities and writing skills. Who knows, we might just see each other again on some website and exchange a few comments on the solo albums of David Gilmour. Remember what the poet (Emily Dickinson) said:
Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.
This has been brian_lettsin on Epinions. This has been his final piece on Epinions. This has been his penultimate sentence on Epinions (excluding the comments he responds to before leaving).
Time to have those waffles now…
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Epinions.com ID:
brian_lettsin
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Member: Harold Pumiceous
Reviews written: 300
Trusted by: 50 members
About Me:
Never go outside. There are bad things there.
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