The father I should have had, but didn’t...
Mar 30 '08
The Bottom Line In Memoriam: EBS (December 8, 1923-March 30, 2008)
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be…
He was, quite simply, one of the most extraordinary men I’ve ever known.
Kind; caring; generous, almost to a fault. A hard-working, man who, over the course of his almost 85 years, held a variety of jobs, and did them all well. A family man; father to two daughters, both now in their 50s and 60s, and devoted husband of 61 years to the great love of his life.
He was born and reared in the small coastal Maine town that he’s always called "home." His father was a lobsterman… one of that special breed of hardy men who go down to the sea in boats every day and bring back the day’s catch. His youth was idyllic… at an early age he joined his father on the family’s lobster boat. He worked odd jobs every summer, in order to earn enough money to attain what he once told me was one of his earliest his dreams… to go to college.
He was always a good student, gifted with an uncommon desire to excel, coupled with the finest work ethic I’ve ever seen. The result: he excelled in all his academic subjects, right through his senior year in high school. It seemed nothing could stop him from getting that ticket to college!
But fate, always that fickle arbiter of peoples’ lives, intervened. His senior year in high school was, unhappily, 1941… the year the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Instead of a trip to the University of Maine, he journeyed to the U.S. Army recruiting center. His keen sense of patriotism led him to enlist in the Army Air Corps.
He discovered a natural talent for electronics, and so was assigned to work on aircraft communications systems in the Pacific theater throughout the war. His tours of duty took him to some of the most hazardous duty locations imaginable, including Okinawa during the spring when over 2,000 Marines died conquering that island…
After the war, he returned to Maine for a short spell, By now, he was married with one daughter. Jobs were scarce. After a couple years lobster fishing with his father, and doing other odd jobs, he decided to return to the military. In 1948, he re-enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, once again taking up a career in electronics.
For the next 20 years, during the height of the Cold War, he proudly served his country. Throughout his long and distinguished career, he was assigned to Strategic Air Command… the backbone of U.S. deterrence against the Soviet Union throughout the Cold War. He worked on some of the most sensitive and sophisticated electronics systems then in existence. Several times he was separated from his family for as long as a year at a time.
In the early 1960s, when Congress authorized the two enlisted "super-grades" for the Armed Forces, (E-8 and E-9) he was one of the very first Air Force non-commissioned officers selected for promotion to the new grades. In 1968, he reluctantly retired from the Air Force having served faithfully and honorably for over 24 years.
He continued to excel in his post-military life. He returned with his family to Maine. In 1950, a second daughter was born. Shortly after settling into the old family homestead, he was asked to serve as town manager. This he did, for two years... with distinction. In 1971, he resigned as town manager to accept the position of administrator of our local hospital.
For eleven years, he worked tirelessly to make the hospital one of the finest in the mid-coast region. He sought out and recruited some of the finest health care professionals in the business. He raised funds to improve existing facilities and build new ones. Under his patient but no-nonsense guidance, our town’s hospital embarked on a path to excellence it maintains to this day.
In 1982, he and his beloved wife decided it was time for them to finally do what they had long dreamed: to go into business for themselves. Long interested in all things antiquarian, they had spent years collecting old memorabilia like post cards, books, magazines, and stamps. And so, after his retirement, he and his wife opened their own collectibles shop. It became their great joint venture… something they were genuinely passionate about, right up until 1999, when they decided to finally retire and enjoy a life of relaxation, free from the worries of work.
And yet… he never really could stop working completely. After closing the antique shop, he would spend nearly every waking hour lovingly maintaining the 1½ acre lot on which his home stands. His gardens and lawn are almost the envy of the entire town… thick, lush grass impeccably trimmed, and gardens of every imaginable type… flowers, vegetables, and rocks!
There are a lot of hard-working, patriotic, devoted family men in this world… so why did does this man stand out as someone so special to me? What is it that really made him "tick?" And why do I hold this special man in such high affection and esteem?
He was my father-in-law, the father of my wife of 37 years. He was a man who had such a profound effect on me personally that I attribute much of my success, much of my outlook on life, many of my most cherished values to the things he taught me. In short, he was, in most ways that really counted, the father I should have had, but didn’t.
He taught me that family is important above all things in life… except God and country. From him I learned the value of commitment, something I didn’t really understand from my youth, because my parents never taught it to me. But his commitment to his wife, children, and his job set an example that I’ve followed since my earliest days as a husband and father.
He also taught me the twin values of compassion and generosity. It's difficult to count the number of times he reached out and helped my wife, children, and me through the tough times… offering us a place to live in their home, while we were searching for our own house to buy, at a time early in our lives when those paychecks didn’t stretch quite as far as the paydays did… giving me one of his two vans to help me set up my house painting business… the list goes on… In doing these things, he asked for only one thing in return… the love of a daughter and son-in-law and his three grandchildren…
The past 5½ years, since the autumn of 2002, were an especially poignant and bittersweet time for us. My father-in-law was no longer the strong, robust tower of strength for the family. As he celebrated his 79th birthday in December 2002, he had become physically frail, worn down by decades of hard work. And then, one cruel blow after another: the first signs that Alzheimer’s disease was beginning to erode his brilliant mind. He began that long, painful "goodbye" to all of us who love him so much. In November 2006, his beloved wife of 61 years succumbed after a long and valiant battle against pancreatic cancer. Through these final years, his steady decline continued; and now we, the recipients of so much of his kindness and generosity for so long, stood by helplessly, watching as he steadily, inexorably, continued on his journey to that unknowable distant shore…
Early this morning, sometime before sunrise on March 30, 2008, my father-in-law… my friend… my mentor… and the father I should have had but didn’t… finally arrived at that far-away, unfathomable destination. He slipped away, quietly… with, I imagine, a whisper of love for his family on his breath as his last words.
I will miss him dearly, and I will remember him always, with the love of a devoted son.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
The rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
- Traditional Gaelic Blessing
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Location: Midcoast Maine
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