The Story Of HerApr 15 '08 (Updated Oct 21 '08) Write an essay on this topic.
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I barely remember that first meeting. At the time, I had no reason to think there was going to be anything memorable about it. As far as I knew, she was nothing more than an average customer. She came in, paid for her petrol and asked for a packet of tobacco. Unsure of her age, I asked to see some ID. She was old enough. I couldn’t tell you how old now. If I’d known I was going to see her many more times, I would’ve taken a quick mental note of the actual age and her name. She was old enough to be legally allowed to buy tobacco. That was the main thing at the time. As she left, I told her to have a good day, same as I do with all the customers. I remember thinking “wow, she was beautiful!”, but not knowing I was going to see her again, I didn’t think any more of it. Beautiful girls came and went all the time. We were on the main highway, and a lot of them were travellers passing through, who probably weren’t going to be back. But we had one other main type of regular – people who lived relatively close by and stopped in on their way home from work. Based simply on that first meeting, I had no idea which category she belonged to, so I didn’t think any more of it. Until she came in again. And again, and again. Each time she came in, we spoke a little more. At first it was little more than me learning the tobacco she was buying was actually for her father, and it was his bankcard she was using – that kind of thing. I started noticing things about her. I loved the way she smiled. Some people, when they smile, it pushes their cheeks up and you lose their eyes. Not her. She didn’t just smile, she beamed. And it seemed she always had one for me. One time when she came in, I hadn’t been having the best day. I can’t remember now what had been going wrong, but it’s not important. I perked up a bit when I saw her walking in. She asked how I was, but didn’t seem convinced with my answer. “Only OK?”, she asked. To this day I can’t believe how I replied. I said: “That smile cures everything.” What the…? Was I flirting? That wasn’t like me. I’ve never said that kind of thing before, but I did it around her. Was she having a positive effect on me? Bringing out… well, not exactly my inner Romeo, but being around her was certainly doing something. I remember one occasion where she had a face like thunder as she came in, having just told her boss if that was the way he was going to treat her, he could stick his job where the sun don’t shine (or words to that effect). What courage! By the time she left, I had her smiling again. Then there was the way she dressed. Movies, TV, and I’m sorry to say, but also real life – I see far too many girls who dress like they want to show off every curve they’ve got. It’s like they’ve never heard the word “conservative”, and it smacks of trying too hard. Personally, I find it a real turn-off. Not this girl. She always left something to the imagination. She dressed in a way I found extremely sexy, but didn’t show anything off. Eventually, I started to think maybe something could happen between us. I’ve thought this before, about a lot of girls, but it never seemed to work. Probably because I get too involved, too quickly, and then the rejection really floors me. This time, I told myself, it was going to be different. One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in the past is asking out girls who already have boyfriends. This time, I was going to find that out first. I had a couple of ideas about how I was going to do it with a little bit of subtlety, so next time she came in, I asked the question that would hopefully get me my answer without letting her know I was interested in her. However, her answer still left it a bit ambiguous. (The reason I didn’t want her to know? In my experience, when a girl knows how you feel at this stage, she talks to you with a bit of sympathy and lets you believe you might have a chance under different circumstances, when that’s really not how they feel about you.) So I tried again another time. Different question, same result. I’m not really a fan of this kind of game, but I found myself willing to go through it for her. Did she even know what I was trying to ask, or why? Maybe. Then my boss gave me the news that told me it could all soon be over before I’d ever really achieved anything. Closing down. Where would I go? Where would she go? Drastic times, drastic measures. I wrote her a letter. I told her what I’d been trying to ask, and why. But this time, I just asked straight out. Subtlety had left the building. I put my name and number on the letter, and gave it to her next time she came in. That was the last time I saw her before we closed. That was another thing I loved about her. I’ve written that kind of letter many times before. But this was the first time I’ve had the courage to deliver it… well the first time in many years. She gave me that courage, that confidence. Only a handful of people use the number I gave her, so whenever I get a message I’m normally expecting it. Whenever something came through I wasn’t expecting, I was open it a little anxiously – “is this her?” It never was. As it turned out, an opening came up that meant I could be transferred. A few shifts in at my new site, and in she came. This was it. She still had a smile for me. That was some hope at least. Yes, she said, there was a boyfriend. Together about a year. Obviously, it wasn’t the answer I’d been hoping for, but I’d told myself to expect it. That way, I wouldn’t be too crushed when it came. Yet, she said the letter was “very sweet”. One thing I said in it was that if there was a boyfriend, I wish them happiness together. I’m not going to interfere. So, we’re pretty much back to where we started. She’s still going to be one of my regulars, but things are a lot more out in the open now. But if we’re ever to move onto a different kind of relationship with each other, it has to be at her say-so. I still want to be friends with her, but if she’s not comfortable with that, knowing what she now knows, then I’m OK with it. In the meantime, I have to try and move on. Somewhere out there, love is waiting for me. It could be her (two of my friends are married now, despite one of them having a boyfriend when they first met), or it could be someone else. Either way, all I know is that it’ll happen when the time is right. And that’s about the best advice I can give anyone reading this who’s currently single and looking for love. Have faith, (and a lot of patience) and it’ll happen. ------------- Update 21 October: Well, as some of you predicted, the story didn't exactly end there. I feel in the past few months another chapter has unfolded. When I originally published this piece it was part of my process of getting over her. It helped. It helped a lot, and a couple of months ago I could finally tell myself honestly that I <b>was</b> over her. And it felt good. The next few times she came in I pretty much treated her like any other customer. I knew I had to distance myself, because if I let myself get close again, I was just going to end up back where I started - and I just couldn't go there again. She changed a little bit too. It was a tad awkward for a while, but I certainly knew to expect that, and she'd have to be pretty foolish not to expect it as well. But, we've moved past that now, and our relationship (which I'm still yet to define) has strengthened. We're as close to friends as we're ever going to get. In the meantime, I've actually managed to learn her real name (obviously I'm not going to reveal it here), which didn't really have as much significance behind it as I thought it made. I had thought that putting her name to the whole saga would lay it to rest for good - the final nail in the coffin, if you will. As it turns out, the name I had been using for her worked just as well. And where to from here? While I can still (and will always) admire her beauty, courage, independence, and all the other wonderful qualities that drew me to her in the first place, I no longer harbour any romantic feelings for her. I look back on all those months with fond memories, but that's it. Every time she's been in lately she's been smiling. She's happy. That's all I ever really wanted anyway. Obviously I would have liked to have been the one making her happy but que sera sera. I can only presume it's her boyfriend making her happy, and I hope he knows how lucky he is. As for me, I've met someone else. Not very long ago, and the relationship is still very much in the starting blocks. It may yet turn out to only be a friendship, or I may never see her again. We only met for an hour or so and I don't really know what kind of impression I left, but she has my number. If she wants to see me again, she'll contact me. All I know is I never would have had the confidence to even approach her had it not been for the girl this story is about, and the way she made me feel about myself. And for that, I'll forever be in her debt.  |
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