What In the World is Happening To Me?
Jul 31 '08
The Bottom Line Some people have nightmares, some have dreams--and then, there's some, like me, who think they're awake when they're really not.
I've decided to post this here, because I want to know if anyone may be able to help me figure out just what is going on while I'm asleep.
Several instances in the recent past have made me a victim of what I like to call "lucid dreaming," but much research on the actual type of dream I'm having has already been coined "hypnopompia" or "hypnogogia," depending upon the type of sensations the body encounters, and when it happens, either before falling asleep, or just before awakening. I have the sensations just before awakening, so I think the term "hypnogogia" would refer to my case. Be sure to pull up articles at Wikipedia to do some background research on this unusual and/or odd phenomenon.
These occurrences, at least initially, did not bother me too much, because I thought it was a random one-time deal that just simply happened. I thought that these dreams were of no importance, and would simply disappear or stop occurring altogether. However, in the past two to three years, these hypnopompic dreams have continued, and so recently I've started a "Lucid Dream Diary" to recount what exactly happens to the best of my memory, once I'm somewhat awake and able to sit down at the keyboard and put it down.
When the dreams first started, I would imagine myself as awake, and would notice someone or something peeping at my sleeping body behind my bedroom closet door. This person or shadow, as I like to term it, would constantly open and close my closet door very slowly and deliberately, in a few second intervals. The whole feeling was quite eerie, but, after I would awaken in reality, it didn't seem like that big of a deal.
However, the dreams continued, and they have been getting progressively worse. Early one morning, I vividly remember awakening (or at least I thought I was awake,) and felt as though I had lost bloodflow to my left hand. So I open my eyes and look over, and instead of seeing my limp hand on the bedsheets, I visualize that my entire left hand has become disfigured and wrinkled. It seriously looked like it had been cut off my body and left to lay in the desert sun for thirty years. That same dream also had me visualizing a red animated line outlining the circuit breaker box in my bedroom. Why on Earth this was brought to me in a visualization, I do not know, but the entire feelings of being awake, and seeing things in my immediate surroundings made, and continue to make me to this day, feel as though I'm existing in a parallel universe.
Other dreams I cannot remember, because they have been too long ago, but since I was awoken by one tonight, I thought I'd share this entry with you.
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August 1st, 2008 (08-01-08)
1:23 A.M.
An especially vivid lucid dream / nightmare combination.
Dreamed I had invited “friends” over to a party at my apartment. Several people came along, including some of my sister’s friends from back in the day, and also some of my personal friends as well. We got to having fun and playing music. While others were in the background enjoying the loud music, I got to drinking---and I drank a little too much. So much, in fact, I went off on a spree of anger and told everyone to turn the music down, or they could face going home. I remember attempting to lock my door several times, and in the process, could feel several light tugs coming from the other side of the door---other people wanted in.
After this, the party seemed to quiet down considerably. One of my friends said a few minutes later, however, that the music still seemed to have too much bass, and could be annoying the neighbors downstairs.
I noticed a new person had suddenly arrived at the party, and didn’t recognize his face from anywhere in my recent or distant memory. He appeared to be in his mid teens, and was wearing a lightweight dark- blue jacket with a hood, which was draped in a slouchy manner across his shoulder blades, and had wispy blonde hair with lazy curves extending down in front of his face.
I remember at one point going up to him and asking him, “who are you?” I cannot remember the exact answer he gave me, but it was not one in which he disclosed his name.
Not getting what I went for, I decided to stroll across to my new kitchen table which, also, was not in my recent memory based on the style it was made in. Rather large and square, it did not match the table in my apartment kitchen. In fact, the apartment as a whole was not the one I was used to. Instead, I felt like I was in a high-rise apartment that spanned six floors, and I lived on the top floor in a corner, tucked away from everyone else who lived there.
Regarding the table, I remember my sister said, “you have some lottery tickets on the table you did not scratch off,” and so I went to retrieve them. I remember scratching the ticket off, which had a picture of a tree on it and closely resembled one of our own “Money Tree” lotto tickets that the state is currently printing. I scratched off the numbers, but instead of getting whole dollar amounts, it was confusing and difficult numbers that were hard to instantly match up. I had two amounts at $3.85, some at $3.25, and others at around $480. The ticket I had scrutinized was a loser, I figured, after looking at it for a few more seconds……
Then, the dream suddenly shifted, and I was no longer technically asleep. Instead, I re-entered the small expanse of what is my current bedroom, in the pitch black dark of night. Although not technically awake, the visual and auditory cues my brain was giving me falsely accused me of having my eyes open. In an unprecedented move, an unseen force somehow seemed to slowly pull the heaped-up mess of my body up off my bed and left me sitting in a slouched, yet upright position. The entire time I’m being pulled, my body feels as though it is a pile of mud, and I can hear myself moaning as if I’m a bloodthirsty zombie, ready to go out for a fresh supply of blood.
Once I’m physically pulled into the upright position, I feel as though I’m some sort of demon who is under the puppet-strings of a master much higher than myself. I distinctly remember feeling as though I had superhuman power, as I violently pounded my fists in midair. It was at this point, one of the most horrifying and uniquely strange sounds and auditory sensations I’ve ever felt in my life began its long, orchestrated attack.
Something of a long, low growl began to emanate from my vocal cords, and it continued to get higher and higher in pitch, intensity, and velocity. However, my voice wasn’t the only thing that I heard. As the attack continued, I began to hear distant wind, much like the sound of an extreme gust howling through a barren cavern, or perhaps something you’d expect to hear in outer space. The sound s began to create their own inter-melody , but it was extremely terrifying to hear.
Finally, to conclude the attack, I began to see bits and pieces of black and white matter starting to literally vaporize in front of my eyes, as if I was in space and time, and I was being sucked into a vacuum. This scared me so much, that I was finally able to wake myself up by shaking out of it. The effects of the dream still lingered through my head some 5-6 minutes after I had technically awoken.
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I wonder if somehow I was beginning to step inside of what some term "Out of Body Experiences." In fact, after I had awakened, I wondered to myself if I could very well have died if I had seen the vacuum-like black and white matter event come to a conclusion. All I know is that the event frightened me to awaken myself, and it bothered me for several minutes after I awoke. I always have feelings of dread and suspicion after I awake from these types of dreams, and this one was no different.
Does anyone have any idea what could be going on, or has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? If you have, please speak up and let me know. This feels like an unusual and strange event that has to have some sort of importance, as again, things are occurring in these dreams, and while I'm physically trying to rouse my body out of sleep, that make me wonder, "What in the world is happening to me?"
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imprimis2
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Location: Kentucky, USA
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You can be happy using your brain, but you're smart when you use your heart.
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