Finally single
Dec 01 '08
The Bottom Line ---
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This is something of a follow-up to The Story Of Her
Please also note this will be my final "blog" on Epinions. From now on, my blogs can be found on my Wordpress and Facebook sites (links in my profile).
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This is going to sound kind of odd.
For the first time in nearly nineteen years, I don’t have a crush on anyone.
In all my life – as far back as I can remember, anyway – there’s always been a girl. Be it someone I went to school with, someone I met through church, or someone I met through work, there’s always been someone.
Occasionally, there was more than one at the same time, which meant that when one crush or infatuation or whatever you want to call it, ended, there was still someone else in the picture.
For the majority of these, I never acted on them. Chalk most of them up to fear of rejection. Others I simply grew out of before I could do anything. One in particular I never acted on because I knew where the “feelings” were coming from, and it was slightly further south than my heart. I don’t want to get into a relationship for the wrong reason.
Then there’s the times I have acted. The first time was just over ten years ago, and I crashed and burned spectacularly. She didn’t take well to my confession at all. After that, it took me a long time to get the courage and confidence back to act again. That one didn’t work out well either, and I quickly went from crushing on her to hating her for leading me on.
More recently, the times I have acted have normally resulted in the girl saying she already has a boyfriend. That can be a bit embarrassing, especially when you’re in high school, but these are mistakes you can learn from. One girl recently, I only ever saw her for about five minutes at a time, but each time I saw her I tried to gleam a bit more information out of her. Which wasn’t too hard, but whenever I tried to find out if there was a boyfriend, her answers were never conclusive.
Still, circumstances of uncertainty meant I had to take the risk if I ever wanted a shot with her. And yes, that particular story does end the way you think it’s going to. Yet, the way she treated me before and after that incident told me I still had a chance. Obviously not with her, but she showed me girls could still be interested in me. She gave me back my courage and confidence, but most importantly, she gave me hope.
Which brings me to my latest crush. I liked the rapport we had, I liked the way she reacted when I flirted with her, and I liked the way she flirted with me. However, without knowing whether or not there was a boyfriend meant I was never going to take it any further. Then one day, after seeing her in slightly different circumstances, she went from being someone I kind of liked, to someone I felt a bit of a connection with. That was enough to force me into action. When an out of town friend came for a visit, I introduced them to each other. Asking my friend for her opinion, she said I could do better and there was something about this girl that was a little bit fake.
So the other day, I turned to prayer. I hadn’t intended to take the issue to God until I was truly serious about this girl, but I’m glad I did, because He said no.
Which means that’s that. I’m not going to stop flirting with this girl – I do it because the way she reacts helps me with my confidence (which will always be an issue). I don’t know why she does it, as I’m relatively sure there is a boyfriend, but I like the way it makes me feel. It’s nothing more than flirtatious banter, and I’m going to make sure it never goes any further than that.
And that makes me single. Which is an odd feeling but I’m ok with it. Rationalising it out, I’ve come to realize I don’t really need a girlfriend at the moment. That’s not to say I’d turn the opportunity down if it came knocking, but my life is full enough for me to be happy right now.
I’ve got a secure job that pays the bills, family living in town, a small group of close friends, and a very good and active church life. There’s a young girl, who despite being no blood relation, is basically the little sister I never had, and of course, there’s my Godsons. What more could a man ask for?
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Epinions.com ID:
dbcint
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Member: Dean Cowie
Location: Invercargill, New Zealand
Reviews written: 198
Trusted by: 39 members
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