My Father's Alzheimer's. Part Five. Years Later in 2009!!!
Jan 28 '09 (Updated May 11 '09)
The Bottom Line Love them and tell them you love them. Daily!
These past couple of years have been so hard for my family and me. As some of you know, my daddy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 8 years ago now. Actually, at first it was just Short Term Memory Loss associated with old age. And we were most happy with that. However, over the years, that changed into full blown Alzheimer's. I believe it was in the spring or early summer of 2004 that we were told that he had Alzheimers afterall.
Since October 2008 to now, daddy has been in the hospital 4 times because of dehydration. He has not wanted to eat much at all. He has lost over 70 pounds as well. This past November he developed a heart problem during the Thanksgiving holiday, also his 85th birthday. He now has a pace maker to help keep his heart going. Daddy’s wishes are a DNR order, and no feeding tubes. He is at a place now where he still knows who we are, but his short term memory is completely gone. His long term is still so, so. His doctor has recommended us to call in Hospice to take care of him and I do not think my mother is going to allow that to happen. As long as we can still take daddy to the hospital and get him re-hydrated, then he will be here longer. Of course this also prolongs the inevitable. There is no cure for daddy and there will not be any time soon. He is not going to get better. Right now while he knows who we are, and who he is he can die a death of honor and dignity. If mother continues to hold on to him, which she is, the disease will continue to progress and he will not know anything or how much he was and is loved. It is such a hard place to be right now.
I can not begin to image how mother feels. That is her husband, and for 56 years now. I do not know what it is like to see my husband in this manor. I do know how it feels as a daughter to see her father like this. It is the most horrible thing I have ever known. Of all the people in the world to get this disease I never thought my father would. He has always been such a man of intelligence, of integrity, of honor, of grace, and honesty. He was such a great father. He has served the Lord since he was 18 by teaching Sunday School and being a Deacon in his church, which he has been a member of now for over 50 years. He has won a lot of people to Christ. Even now in his state of mind, he is still trying to win people to Christ. Daddy has always believed that God was the right answer to all problems and to all things. He gave us that gift as children and now as adults we still have that gift. He taught school for over 30 years. He has had the privilege to know so many people and learn so many things. And now, he is at a place where he can and possibly will loose it all. It is a horrible place, as his daughter to be. I can hardly bare the facts of what is happening to my daddy. I tell you, it would be so much easier if he had a brain tumor or cancer. At least then he would die knowing who he is and who his family members are. With Alzheimer’s it is a completely different story. It is a disease that is slowly killing his brain cells. It his eating away at his very life. It is going to cause him to not know a darn thing any more. It will soon start to effect the parts of the brain that make his body function properly. It is a disease that is going to cause us to loose him not once but twice. Once with the mind going and then the body.
The first memory I have of my daddy was when I was three years old. He and mama adopted me when I was three. I have been their daughter since April 11, 1965 and have loved every minute of it. Anyway about that memory. While visiting with me in Fort Gaines, Georgia, the place where I lived at in a foster home during that time, daddy and mama had taken me out to lunch, to the park and some other places that I cannot remember. My sister was with them of course. They had bought me a coloring book and crayons and a baby doll. To this day I have that coloring book and doll. One day my oldest granddaughter will have that doll. The day that I got to go home with them was a day that I have never forgotten. My daddy took me in his lap and told me that he was going to be my daddy and that he would love me and take care of me for the rest of his life. He has done just that. He has provided a home for us all. All our needs and sometimes our wants. He has always put God first. Some months later after being at home with them we went before a Judge. Back then a Judge asked a child how they felt about the home they had been living in and the people that had been taking care of them. I remember my daddy and my mama holding my hand. I would try to swing while holding on to their hands but mama would not have it. Daddy of course was all for it! Anyway, the Judge sat on this platform that was way up there for a three year old. In fact, he had to look down over the edge to see me. He asked me if I had liked these people and their home and I told him yes. And from that moment until I have had a purpose in life. To be their daughter and I have been a darned good one too.
I have always been daddy’s little girl and still am. I have had that man wrapped around my little finger since that day way back when in 1965 and I have never forgot it either! But, now, asking us to bring hospice in just sounds cruel. It sounds like we are giving up on daddy, when we can still help him stay alive and be with us and still make memories for us by keeping him hydrated. And at the same time it seems rather selfish to not call hospice. It is just such a hard place to be right now. He is just so tired and worn out. He has been ready to go home for years now. He does not understand why he is so tired and why he does not feel good. His mind is that of a 2 year old to a 5 or 6 year old. He has not gotten violate with us yet, but he does get angry with us sometimes. My sister and I take weekends to take care of him so that mama and the lady who lives with them can have a break. You have to help him up out of bed, to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, then help him up, make sure his pj’s are on right, wash his hands and take him back to bed. This goes on 10 to 20 times a night and is very tiring, but to me worth it because I am spending time with my favorite man in the world. My daddy. At same time it is heart breaking seeing him like this. When his pace maker was put in, he didn’t understand why and he didn’t understand the pain he was in and constantly asked us about it. After a while he seems to just give up on knowing or understanding.
This is a point in my life that I am dreading very much. It is a place that is hard to be. We all live and we all die. We all have lost loved ones and will continue to do so. However, this is my experience with a parent facing death and I do not like it one bit. I do not wish it on anyone, ever. It is a place that can just go away for all I care and never come back. But, that will not happen. He will die and we will have a funeral for him and then bury him and then deal with it. That is a part of life that cannot be stopped.
I remember when my daddy was first told of having Alzheimer’s. We were all with him. Mama, my sister and myself. We all had already suspected it, but hearing that we were right was hard. Daddy, well, he just sat there and continued to look at the wall in front of him. Then he slowly turned to the doctor and asked him if he was sure and of course the doctor told him yes. Then daddy turned his head back and kept looking at the wall. He did not say another word while we were there. Of course the girls in his life asked a lot of questions and the doctor told us some things to try and help us and provided us with a book to read. For several years daddy was okay. He was able to drive and still go to the drug store to drink coffee with the other old men. Then one day he realized that he should not drive any more. He started to get turned around and lost. He started to forget his way home and several times mama had to be called to come and get him. This of course was the next phrase and has brought us to where we are now.
If any of you are going through this disease now in your life or if any of you find one day that you will, just remember to keep your head up! Keep your faith and keep moving forward. Keep knowing that one day your loved one will be in a place where they will be better and have no pain. Just keep on keeping on and one day you will realize that you are going to be just fine.
Just remember as well, to take the time to love your parents. Care for them in a way that shows that love. Take each day one step at a time and learn as you go.
Thanks for reading and thank you for those of you who have prayed for my family over these years and please continue to do so.
I hope that this has helped in some kind of way.
Copyright LKD 2009
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