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Beautiful and time-fully placed . . . (Reply to this comment)
by sojournseeker
this piece is inspiring. Your statement, "prejudices on the way someone looks--especially moving and not just looks but values, constructs, beliefs, preferences etc. Excellent !
sharing the light and happy holidays to you,
miss erica hidvegi,
the Enlightenment Advisor
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Dec 21 '09
1:05 pm PST
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Re: Well... (Reply to this comment)
by remnjava
This has been on my mind since I read your comment. In second grade, my best friend was "Mary Yee." I knew her eyes looked different than mine, and she may have even had a little accent, I don't remember. Can you tell me if Yee is Korean, Chinese, Japanese or...? I didn't think to ask her during our friendship.
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May 26 '09
2:19 pm PDT
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On a general note, (Reply to this comment)
by remnjava
my father-in-law is elderly. He speaks in the language of the 1950's, using all the terminology one is not supposed to use. NOT PC in the least. That being said, he voted for Obama.
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Apr 27 '09
9:24 pm PDT
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Re: Well... (Reply to this comment)
by remnjava
Hey, factotum, thanks for stopping by to chat. Yes, I've taken a PC class and realize the term, "boy," isn't exactly a preferred term for a white person to call a black person, but I slipped, forgetting that he was black. I was treating him like a friend, not a "black person." I use that term with my husband on occasion. If the person I was looking for was a woman, I'm sure I would have used the term, "boss lady," since I do work with a fair amount of females. (Do I really slip on occasion and say "yes, ma'am" to men and vice versa..uh yeah!)
The person I dated was Chinese, but really didn't feel the need to be specific in my review. And yes, I've been best friends with the Rabbi's daughter, growing up. Why I can't seem to make any best friends who are white Protestants, I have no idea.
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Apr 27 '09
9:19 pm PDT
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Re: I'm with you girl! (Reply to this comment)
by remnjava
Thanks, Budsam!
I'm with you. True, diversity can be enriching, but why try to be separate peoples within the same culture? If I hate blacks, they aren't going to magically turn white, so why bother! They SHOULDN'T turn white! I try to take everyone on an individual basis. If I'm proven wrong and we don't get along, that is too bad. What would the food world be without Mexican, Chinese, German, and all the other types of food, world-wide? When I went to Germany and the Czech Republic a couple of years ago, I was entranced with their cultures and truly wanted to adopt some of them over here.
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Apr 27 '09
9:07 pm PDT
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Re: Thoughts (Reply to this comment)
by remnjava
Nicole,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing! I thought it interesting that the American Idol candidate, Scott MacIntyre, said something like, "I won't know how I did until I see the video." It did take me by surprise. I can't say I ever did have a blind friend, however I did take someone home from church a week ago when I realized he was going to take a cab home, a clear $30 fare, because he didn't know church times had changed and the bus would no longer be running. I had never spoken to this person before, but we went to the same college and lived in the same neighborhood. I figured seeing him so frequently he was probably an OK person.
Carol
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Apr 27 '09
9:01 pm PDT
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hey there rem... (Reply to this comment)
by sleeper54
...
John/coldsteel7 said...
"NOTE...the word that the filter took away from me was niggardly...which means stingy. Even the filters would not allow this legitimate historical and non-offensive word. What is wrong with people?"
See: http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Niggardly
Yeah, just a bit overblown.
That said, I would never call a black male, of any age, even a 4 y/o, 'boy'. Just does not seem right.
I would probably not use the term 'Oriental' unless I was using it in a historical sense.
I would probably use the phrase 'boss-man' ...but certainly not while using a 'southern' accent (oh no, there I go again..!!) and talking about the 'massa'.
H3ll, that last paragraph probably gets me a direct 'go to jail, do not pass go' penalty.
Anyway ... it is what it is. Learn from the reactions of others and from what you see and recognize in the real world.
If what you say is 'OK' by your own personal standards and moral code then go for it. But do be prepared for the unpleasant reactions of others.
...tom...
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Apr 27 '09
8:01 pm PDT
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Well... (Reply to this comment)
by factotum
For starters, you should probably drop Oriental. Asian is preferred, and you would do better to know what the actually nationalities of your colleagues are...Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc. are all better and more specific terms. Or perhaps you would like to be called Occidental? And it's a bad idea to call a black man boy. Ugly history there. The gender thing is not racist, but it is anachronistic to say boss-man in a world where plenty of women are employed in supervisory and executive roles. While I'm not a huge advocate of PC language, it seems to me that you would benefit from some kind of culturally sensitivity training. If you are from Germany you may not know all the intricacies of our linguistic history vis-a-vis racism and sexism, but you have had a lot of red flags and continue to ignore them at your peril.
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Apr 26 '09
8:51 pm PDT
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Thoughts (Reply to this comment)
by bethesdalily
My problem seems to be the reverse of yours. Rather than people speaking "too casually", they frequently spend half of our conversations asking if they have offended me. I am totally blind, and I consistently get things like this:
"What's your favorite movie? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot. You don't have to answer that question. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry..."
First of all, the question is perfectly legitimate and not offensive in the least. Then, too, we are constantly in the throes of political correctness. I agree wholeheartedly that some of the terms that people use may have offensive connotations, and that people should make an effort to be sensitive to such considerations. However, those on the other end of the comment should look beyond the word and try to see the communicator's heart. If you did not mean to be offensive when you used certain terms, those on the other end of your comments should have been able to detect sincerity in your face and tone. Those who become offended should look carefully at the overall content, not at semantics!
Anyway, that was just my little rant for the day. I'd love to hear any other thoughts you might have.
Blessings,
Nicole
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Apr 26 '09
6:54 pm PDT
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Interesting (Reply to this comment)
by coldsteel7
I use the term "boss man" all the time...there is not an ounce of racism in my remark and have never been told it is racist. If someone took offense to such a generic word as that...the offended person is a really weak human being. I understand the importance of sensitivity...but there is a point where someone is just looking for a reason to complain.
Having said that...it is certainly important to remain guarded in what we say and who we say it to. I can see someone being genuinely offended by an innocent remark and have that remark hurt an otherwise good relationship. So it is a balancing act. Some people need to grow up and get a life...others need to be aware that their terminology is dated or offensive.
You can never really know what will play. I recall an executive getting canned for referring to his budget office as "SEE NOTE AT END." This term pre-dates the similar sounding slang word and has not corrolation to that word. But just the similarity between the words got the guy fired. That is when things get pushed too far.
On the other side...it's okay to use b1tch and @ss??? These words seem fairly prevalent...why aren't policing the genuinely HURTFUL words we use and concentrate on generalities? I'll never figure that part out!
NOTE...the word that the filter took away from me was nig gard ly...which means stingy. Even the filters would not allow this legitimate historical and non-offensive word. What is wrong with people?
John
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Apr 26 '09
10:48 am PDT
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Re: I'm with you girl! (Reply to this comment)
by ra64
>>Why do people of a different ethnic group have to take offense when none is intended?
I think you need to be more sensitive then this. Recognize that you do not look like other people, and you don't know what its like to be them. Sometimes, due to past experiences or who knows whatever else, a careless remark can STING. It can be hurtful. It's good that you apologize and make it clear you had no bad intent. I think most people would forgive. Obviously misunderstandings will happen.
I don't think we necessarily need to "walk on eggshells" but we need to all try to be sensitive and try not to say anything offensive. If you don't, you might come off as a bigot. Learn from those "I'm sorry" experiences. I have.
BTW, using the word Oriental is dated, not so PC and some may be offended by it. Just letting you know!
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Apr 26 '09
4:56 am PDT
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I'm with you girl! (Reply to this comment)
by budsam
I myself get tired of walking around on egg shells so as not to disturb anyone. If we all think of ourselves as Americans, and we contribute a part of our cultures for the pleasures of others, we would all be happier, living in this great country. Taking offense to every word that is said or every movement that is made is a waste of time in what little time we have.
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Apr 25 '09
9:27 pm PDT
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Words (Reply to this comment)
by ladyconsumer
Some words are perfectly innocent to some ears, but are highly offensive to other ears. It has to do with history, culture, heritage, and a person's exposure to the word, and its various intentions.
It's hard to know what to say/what not to say, sometimes. All we can do, is try our best not to offend anyone, and sincerely apologize if we do so unintentionally.
Good topic.
Mona
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Apr 25 '09
8:45 pm PDT
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