My Father's Alzheimer's. Part Six. Slowly Leaving Us and It Hurts Real Bad!May 10 '09 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Pick up the phone right now and call your parents and tell them you love them.
Well, it is almost over with we think, or least the doctors tell us that much. Daddy was taken by ambulance to the hospital last week because he was so badly swollen in his feet, legs and thighs that he just could not walk and fell again. He was there for about 3 days and then went home. The doctor told my mother to do what she could to make him comfortable. She refuses to have hospice come in though and that is her choice and for now we honor that choice. When it becomes to bad, my sister and I will override her decision and that will be that. We have to look after mama right now and what is best for her. The doctors told us that there was nothing else they could do for daddy because his heart was old and worn out. The doctor believes that daddy had a mini stroke last Monday as well. The test they ran didn’t show a stroke, but in his professional and medical opinion, daddy had a stroke. The Alzheimer’s has now eaten the parts of my father’s brain that controls his days and nights and his eating. He still eats, but its every fifteen minutes. He is still able to tell when he needs to go to the bathroom, but only a little now. The doctor left the catheter in and if he makes it to June 19, which is his next appointment with his doctor, they will put a permanent catheter in him since his swells so bad and has such difficulty walking. This is just another permanent thing that I have to come to terms with! Slowly, but surly it all comes to an end, little by little. His mind is that of a small child yet his thinking is that of a young man. My father is a retired Agricultural Teacher and so we have all been learning about that over these last several weeks. His favorite thing to teach was Forestry and we spent about 3 weeks on that. We all learned how to take care of hogs and cows again too. We learned how to cut wood and we learned that if you past a test that John Green gave then you had accomplished a great thing in life. Which was true of my fathers test. I know, I worked my rear end off in that mans class! The past few days he and his life long friend, G. R., (who passed years ago), have been fishing and hanging out. It is sort of funny to hear some of the things that daddy says, but it is also very sad. He has been looking for the deer that the two of them saw and became upset when the deer walked away. He and G. R. did everything together when they were boys and they remained friends forever. My father, being a very faithful man to God, has also spent the last 24 hours talking about his church and wanting to make sure that the church was going to be okay. The one thing that God has not allowed daddy to forget, at least for now, is Him. Daddy still knows who God is and what He is and that he served the Lord since he was 18 years old. Daddy still prays and thanks God throughout the day, everyday. He give grace before we ate today and that was wonderful. Then he goes back to being in the mind state that he has become. He is still talking to his dead relatives from time to time too, which we have gotten use to. But, that is just weird. Really weird. For Mother’s Day weekend my husband and I went to my parents home to spend the weekend with them and once there I was able to see for myself just what kind of shape daddy is in. He is starting to swell again in the feet and ankles, which the doctor said would happen again. I am not sure though if the doctor thought it would happen less than a week after releasing daddy from the hospital. He still knew who I was though and called me by my middle name, which he always did. That made me feel very good. This morning, (Mother’s Day) about five I heard him talking to someone. Well, not knowing if this person was a dead person or a live person I didn’t say anything and just listened. He was teaching someone to count to 10. I heard him say “Now, I will say it for you and then you do it. Okay? Okay then. 1, 2, 3. Try that” daddy said. Then he would say “I didn’t hear you well. Let me do it again for you. This time I will go to 5 for you. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Now you try it.” Still there was no response that daddy was happy with because then he said “Now, you are going to have to try or I am going to stop helping you.” Then I heard daddy say, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10. Did you understand me that time? Then I heard him say again “Now, together, lets try it to 5 together. Okay?” His voice was so soft and so caring and he was teaching this child to count to 10 and I was amazed at what I was hearing. I thought that maybe he was teaching one of his younger sisters when they were all little. All of a sudden I heard daddy get all excited and clap his hands and say “That’s my Kathleen! That’s my girl!” Daddy was teaching me when I was 3 to count to 10 and all of a sudden I remembered it all very clearly. I then knew that I had to count to 10 with daddy and so when he started again at 1, I went 1 then 2 and I said 2 and so on until we got to 10. Then daddy said come here Leah and let daddy give you a kiss and hug for being such a smart girl. And of course I got out of the bed that I was in and went over to him and got that kiss and hug knowing it could be my last one. It was such a feeling that I cannot even describe when I realized he was teaching me so many years ago to count to 10. For him, in the state of mind that he is in, to have that type of memory about one of his children, was fascinating to say the least. Earlier in the day I asked daddy if he wanted to go riding in my car to go and get ice cream. He said yes and so he, mama, my husband and myself set out to Dairy Queen to get ice cream. Daddy will not go for a ride with anyone but me. I feel so special over that one. I am no doctor and his doctors are not God and none of us know when daddy will go, only that he will. The time is between God and daddy. Daddy seems to be going down hill fast and I can only pray that God does take him before he does not know his girls, who love him most in the world. He does not recognize his only son, and my brother brought that on himself. We won’t go there at all. As I write this tonight I look over at my suitcase, all packed for I am going back to my parents tomorrow for I feel that I just need to be there, just as I felt I needed to write this tonight. Over time many people have asked about my daddy and I so appreciate it. My daddy has so many people who love him and so many lives that he has touched over time, that, person after person after person comes by the house to visit with him. People that he has not seen in over 30 or 40 years. People he taught in school and even taught their children. Most of the time he does not even know that they are there, but they come just the same, just to see daddy one more time. We are blessed to have such a man as our father. He has many certificates of honor and appreciation over the years; some from Governors and Presidents. He is just awesome and I wish you all could have known him. It brings me honor to speak of my daddy here in my writings and I hope that you all know a little of him and how well loved he is. When and not if, the time comes, it will be the hardest thing I will ever have to go through if it is in my lifetime. There is a big chance that daddy will go into a state to where he just lays there, unknowing of anything and that could be years and years. I pray that God takes him before that stage. Currently daddy is in stage 6 of 7 stages. You can go to the following website to read more about the stages and you can most likely understand a lot better of what we are going through and if any of you out there are just finding out that you are about to face this change in your life, please, go to this website and please, never hesitate to email me. Support is essential! Don’t dare try to go through it alone. http://www.alz.org/alzheimers_disease_stages_of_alzheimers.asp I am so grateful that daddy still knows mama, my sister and myself, at least today he did. Tomorrow is another day and it all can change again. He has literally gone from being 86 years old to his late teens and early twenty’s with his thoughts and memories over a couple months. He has swung back to hit my mother a couple times and several times he did not know who she was. That has been the most heart breaking thing thus far. I do not know how that made her feel but I sure saw the pain on her face and in her eyes when she told me about it. I know what it does to me and I tell ya, it does not feel good at all. For those who believe in the power of prayer, I ask for your prayers now. My mother needs them, my sister needs them and I need them. The girls in my father’s life are hurting very bad watching the man they love most in the world die a slow death. But, we keep our chins up and are faith in God is strong and we know that when it is over he will be in a better place. Of that, I have no doubts. For now, this part six ends and I do not know if part 7 will come before daddy passes or not, but one day it will come. In the mean time, thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and support. Thank you for taking the time to read about my father and me. I do hope so much that my experience over these years, that my writing about them, will help and has helped others who have gone, are going through today, and will go through one day. Alzheimer’s is a horrible disease and I do not wish for any one to have to go through it, but unfortunately it is a part of life that many will have to go through. Please do not go through it alone. Please seek support from local groups, your local hospital. pastor, priest, rabbi, minister, which ever. But, seek support! I promise you, you need it. God Bless! Copyright 2009 LKD.  |
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