Father's Day: Cat's in the CradleMay 25 '09 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Spend some time with your dad. He probably has enough ties.
I sometimes find it hard to believe that my Dad has been gone almost 30 years. And, this time of the year with his birthday just past and the approaching Father's Day holiday approaching I think of him increasingly. My dad always appeared to be a very simple, straightforward kind of guy who never seemed to want for anything. His tastes and appetites were likewise very simple. If asked what he'd like for either his birthday or Father's Day his reponse was alway's "Nothing, really, I have everything I need". Having few special interests other than "big band music" or reading an occasional book made it difficult to find that special something as a gift. Throughout his life he experienced his share of highs and lows. As a very young boy I remember growing up wealthy and privileged. A few years later when he lost his business I could feel the relative impoverishment. But no matter where we were in the financial landscape my dad never lost his soft-spoken demeanor. When recently I came upon his original British passport, I couldn't help thinking to myself, "my dad, always the proper "English gentleman". So, my dad would always graciously accept the latest big-band recording or WWII epic. But always it seemed that it wasn't quite what he needed. In a Hurry to Launch I on the other hand was always impatient and ambitious during my early years. I excelled in school, graduated at the top of my class, while little more than a boy and was eager to make my mark in the world of Finance. My career took off, I married young and fled to the rarified climes of Fairfield County, CT. When I wasn't at the office I was probably out of town or the country. I traveled the world always looking for the next mountaintop. If only I could get there, I might be able to rest awhile. Have you ever told this lie to yourself? On weekends that I was finally home, my folks could be counted on to tool up the Huthinson River/Merritt Parkway for a leisurely 75 mile drive and pull into my driveway without notice. "Just out for a drive." "Why in the world wouldn't you call?" "Why, do we need an invitation?" "No, of course not, but what if we weren't home?" "Then your mother and I simply would have turned around and returned home." I have absolutely no idea how many times they did just that. At times this would drive me nuts. But it slowly sank in. All this soft-spoken man ever wanted from me was a little bit of my time and attention. We'd talk for hours. Mostly he liked to listen. I remember once asking him about this. He said simply "The one doing the most listening is doing the most learning. I've already taught you everything that I know." An amazing fellow, my dad. So, when a couple of years later when my folks decided to move to Florida, I made it my business to triangulate my return flights from wherever and show up at their door. No Andrews Sisters 78 or War Epic ever lit up his eyes quite like it did as he would say "why didn't you call" then burst out laughing. He did have a keen, if dry sense of humor. This Year I'll be up in New York the week before Father's Day visiting my daughter and son-in-law and celebrating my granddaughter's 2nd birthday. And, as always, I'll drive out to my father's grave site, tell him "I was just out for a drive" and fill him in on the past year, complete with photographs. He's still a great listener. Best regards, Rudi  |
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