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I don't know what drew me to your review today (Reply to this comment)
by critic64
I happened to be reading Shantel's profile page where she mentions to contact you regarding SAP's. I don't have an SAP request, but I was drawn to your reviews and read the one regarding Papa Jim. My father passed away in a shower and I was the one to find him and give him CPR knowing he was gone. It still troubles me wondering how long he was conscious laying at the bottom of the shower or if he passed away suddenly. I guess we will never know, will we. I still have flash backs, but know he is at peace as well as your Pa Pa Jim. Take care.
Loretta
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Apr 23 '11
9:11 am PDT
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I'm so sorry you had to go through this. (Reply to this comment)
by popsrocks
It seems to me the wondering about what and how things happened could be a constant cancer.
In the loss of my daughter I, at first, started putting the scenarios in my mind of what happened. How did she lose control of her car. Was she distracted? Did she fall asleep? Was her celebrating earlier the direct cause the tragedy? Did the tires she said she was going to replace give out? and more.
I have put that behind me. I could see that the hashing about and possibly trying to find someone or something to blame destructive. If there was something positive to come out of knowing, perhaps it could be helpful to know but in this event with my daughter, no.
I hope the year has tempered your emotion and the dreaful feelings that others went through.
I'm sorry if I used your story to talk of my issues...but thank you for listening.
Be well and my prayers are with you.
Phil
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Jul 10 '10
2:12 pm PDT
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thank you (Reply to this comment)
by madarnell
thank you for your personal story!
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Mar 10 '10
12:09 pm PST
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:( (Reply to this comment)
by Lark729_89
I am so sorry for your loss.
I have a friend whose fiancee died in Maine 7 1/2 years ago the same way your grandfather did in a mobile home only there were no pets with him.
I can only imagine the pain my friend went through and still does every anniversary of his passing. I can only imagine the pain you are going through also.
Barbara writes in her own handwriting in a journal and she writes letters to people for therapy. She writes about anything and everything from the weather to her finacee's life.
I live up the street from her and she still writes to me as she did when I lived out of state for 6 years.
This writing has helped her tremendously through the years.
Every birthday or holiday friends load her up with paper, pens and stamps.
I am very sorry about you losing your Papa Jim in such a horrible way. I hope you find peace of mind in your memories of him.
My prayers are with you.
My best...
Carol
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Oct 18 '09
2:30 pm PDT
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My sincere.... (Reply to this comment)
by gaelkm
....condolences to you on the loss of your Papa Jim. I'm very sorry for you and your family, Melissa.
~gael
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Oct 05 '09
10:03 am PDT
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I am truly sorry (Reply to this comment)
by jurgrace
to hear about this terrible event. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Grace
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Oct 04 '09
11:55 pm PDT
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I am.... (Reply to this comment)
by kamel622
...so sorry for your loss Melissa. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family during this most difficult time. Blessings...kath
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Oct 04 '09
8:14 pm PDT
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Melissa (Reply to this comment)
by ladyconsumer
I'm so sad to read of this tragedy. Try to take comfort, knowing that he died exactly the way he wanted, on his terms.
Mona
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Oct 04 '09
4:08 pm PDT
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What a terrible time for your family. (Reply to this comment)
by telynor
I am so sorry to hear of this. I can not even begin to imagine the turmoil that you must be going through with this news. My thoughts and prayers are with you, -- Telynor
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Oct 04 '09
3:35 pm PDT
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Melissa (Reply to this comment)
by lllovemakeup
Words cannot express how truly sorry I am to hear of this tragic happening. My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you and your family.
Hugs,
Julie
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Oct 04 '09
8:35 am PDT
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There are no words... (Reply to this comment)
by PattyTherre
I have a story of my own about how my father passed and it's so horrifying, I won't repeat it. But do know that I am so very sorry that your grandfather died in such a way and about the dogs. Very sorry about those poor animals.
I do think though that your grandfather got, in some small way, what he wanted. By that, I mean, he did go on his own terms in a way. Just assume he had passed before the fire. Certainly he couldn't have suffered long at all.
My father was also non compliant in the hospital, his apartment and later, the nursing home. He wanted to go home too and be left alone. We wouldn't let him. He ended up dying a terrible death in the hospital. I guess no decision is ever right when it comes to these things.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
Patty
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Oct 04 '09
12:35 am PDT
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Oh Liss..... (Reply to this comment)
by melissasrn
....I am SO sorry :-(
I've lost both my grandmother and my nephew this year so I know a small part of what you are going through.
It's SO hard to get the mental image out of your head about his last few moments. Our nephew hung himself so I kept picturing such a horrible thing over and over as I've often wondered what misery he must have been suffering the last day of his life.
Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard enough, but when such unthinkable things also happen, it's that much worse. There's no right or wrong way to cope so just know you did the best thing for you.
So sorry for your mom and brother, too :-(
Melissa
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Oct 04 '09
12:03 am PDT
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Re: Hey friend (Reply to this comment)
by bops_mom
Thanks GG. :)
This is actually the 3rd "I've lost someone" piece I've written on Epinions which goes to show it really helps me to type everything up. Plus, there are no words, ya know? What do you say? I think it especially helped today since I had just put it all in a box inside so I could get through work and make the drive home ok.
I think why you didn't know me much before is I really did (do?) try to keep my personal/real life out of Epinions (well, minus a few writer's corner pieces/stuff about my son's health problems). I always felt like if I put my personal life into Epinions I would take things way too personally. I mostly write about Beauty products which in my real life - I'm much more into TV, movies, music and technical things. Not sure what that's about. Don't get me wrong, I love makeup! But it's not nearly as much a part of my day to day life as other things.
Right now I am just sad that I don't have more pictures of him. I'll need to get more from my mom and Gran.
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Oct 03 '09
10:55 pm PDT
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Hey friend (Reply to this comment)
by roheblius
I was just telling someone today that when I have emotions that are going every which a way, writing usually helps. Hopefully it helped you.
It's so odd that through Twitter and Facebook, I feel like I've gotten to know you better, even though it would seem that being on Epinions would've made that happen.
Thanks for sharing. I've had several people who were close to me pass away and you never, ever forget who they were to you.
I lost one of my favorite uncles over six years ago and near the anniversary of his death, I write something about him every year. It helps. But you still miss them dearly.
GG
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Oct 03 '09
10:44 pm PDT
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Re: Melissa - (Reply to this comment)
by bops_mom
Sara - that's actually one of the biggest reasons I'm no longer in health care. I couldn't handle where we had to stop our care. I worked with the same 30 or so elderly people every day for 3 years. They weren't "residents" or "patients" to me at that point, ya know? So many times it didn't seem right and even if you knew something was wrong - that wasn't enough. It's frustrating for care givers, I know that first hand.
In this particular situation - I don't understand since he was most certainly a risk not only to himself but others, too. If I was to try and put blame on anyone it would be his Dr. Not the hospital staff or Hospice. I realize they did all they could within the law since he had not been deemed incompetent.
I do get it was a nearly impossible situation but I still don't understand how this was ok. As in, with things being how they are, that they still didn't have the authority to keep him from endangering himself and others. Or at the very least -- others. It seems like something needs to change, but I honestly don't know what. I know I don't want any one having more control over me, know what I mean?
It's tough.
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Oct 03 '09
10:43 pm PDT
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Many thanks (Reply to this comment)
by bops_mom
to everyone for their kind thoughts and comments. It is much appreciated.
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Oct 03 '09
10:39 pm PDT
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Melissa - (Reply to this comment)
by serc
Again... I'm so sorry. What a shocking ending to your grandfather.
I know you ask how he would have been allowed to go home with this being a possibility, and the only answer I have is this related thought: adults who are in their own right minds are allowed to make their own decisions about their care (so if you suspect elder abuse, but the elder in question is considered sane and able to make their own decisions, that's it; you have to respect their decision as a provider). That being said, it's clear that he was a danger to himself with the fire that had happened previously - so I'm a bit puzzled there, but suspect that the caregivers he had at hospice were trying to respect his autonomy more than anything else. This tends to be where the law lands in the current era, but it's not necessarily the safest thing for the person in question. Obviously.
I don't think there's any way you can understand it when something like this happens (and I apologize for trying to explain what the caregivers were likely thinking- because ultimately it doesn't matter now... but I did want to put it out there because it is a huge potential problem that many of us will have to deal with in the future).
I don't know how you got through work today. I wish there was something I could do for you. Please let me know if there is.
I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way and your family's way.
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Oct 03 '09
10:32 pm PDT
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Melissa (Reply to this comment)
by dragonfire88
I'm so very sorry this happened. I
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Oct 03 '09
10:00 pm PDT
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My most sincere... (Reply to this comment)
by jenniferkateab
condolences to you and your family for your grandfather's loss. I am so sorry you have had to go through this, and may your endearing memories of your Papa Jim bring you solace through this difficult time.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
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Oct 03 '09
9:43 pm PDT
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Re: Hugs (Reply to this comment)
by Freak369
Yes, hugs all around. Thanks for sharing. You and MT were always there for me when I was going through tough times .. you know how to reach me if you need to ♥
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Oct 03 '09
9:42 pm PDT
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Hugs (Reply to this comment)
by marytara
So sorry, and that isn't even the "right" word but I sit here feeling the full gamut of emotions - what a rough day and may your grandfather rest peacefully.
Hang in there.
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Oct 03 '09
9:19 pm PDT
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