Worst Movies Bad Movies of 2007Nov 11 '09 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I managed to avoid a lot of bad movies from 2007 but I did have the misfortune of suffering through at least 8 turkeys.
The Worst Movies of 2007 did not have any reviews posted. I know it is simply not possible that 2007 was that very special year when there were few or perhaps no bad movies at all. I can’t be certain everyone will always stop at a red light, but I can be certain that there will be many many bad movies every single year. In fact I am more certain of being able to find 10 terrible movies every year than I can that there will be 10 great movies. So why no reviews in this section? Apathy. Less people are contributing to Best of the Year and Worst of the Year lists at this site then ever before. I didn’t do it because I wasn’t writing anything at all here. Now that I am again, let me fix the hole and put something into it. INTRODUCTION Over the last few years I have stopped watching movies I don’t like or reading books I don’t like. If I start reading a book and after 50 pages I don’t like it, I usually stop reading it. If I begin watching a movie and after 20 to 30 minutes don’t like it, often I will turn it off. Sometimes I will walk out of a movie at a movie theater that I do not like as well. If someone is paying me to write a review on the movie or book or if I am doing an essay or article and feel I should finish watching the movie or book than I shall. There are exceptions. If I am watching a movie with other people, I will continue watching and not make a vocal comment unless it seems obvious other people are not enjoying the movie. If I have had trouble sleeping or want to take a nap, I will let the movie continue to play and hope I will fall asleep. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. JUSTIFICATION In compiling this list of worst movies from 2007 I have included movies I have seen at least 75 percent of. There are a couple of movies I fast forward through about 30 minutes….I don’t feel it’s dishonest to do mini-reviews of movies I disliked even though I fast forward through 30 or 40 minutes of. I don’t think it is ‘fair’ for me to do this with movies I’ve only seen for 20 or 30 minutes total however. Most of them I forgot about. I’ve noted a few exceptions. THE WORST MOVIES OF 2007 8. Smoking Aces is not a boring movie. It is very loud and full of action and has a wide variety of actors and musicians making brief appearances in it as well… look there is Alicia Keys, Ben Affleck, ray Liotta, Jason Bateman, and yes, Wayne Newton too. Jeremy Piven is a mob snitch who is locked away into a hotel suite in Las Vegas. He drinks and does drugs and all kinds of people are trying to kill him. It’s like watching a video game that someone else is playing. Do you care what happens to him? No, you won’t care, he plays a weasel getting high and more and more nervous. The screenplay is worthless. What people wear and the kind of gun they shoot are more important than anything related to character development. Bad movie. 7. Hannibal Rising (directed by Peter Webber) does have a screenplay written by Thomas Harris based on his book. It does not have Sir Anthony Hopkins or big name actors in the cast. It is a pre-quel to Manhunter,Red Dragon, The Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal. It tells the story of the young Hannibal and howhe developed his taste for human flesh. We see him as a child and young man. It was produced by Dino de Laurentis and I was hopeful that it would be a baaad movie that would provide unintended laughs and entertainment. Alas, despite a few chuckles here and there, the film is mostly dull and ridiculous with a few disgusting, mean spirited gory scenes thrown into the mix. An eight year old Lecter lives in a castle that once belonged to his ancestor Hannibal the Grim. His parents and younger sister run off to the family’s hunting lodge when the German troups arrive. The German’s loot the castle, and eventually find Hannibal and his sister MIscha in the lodge but there is no food around. We don’t know quite know what happened but 8 years later Hannibal is shown back in the castle which has been turned into a Soviet run orphanage. Hannibal is mute and when a bully attacks him, Hannibal stabs his hand with a fork which gets him sent to the dungeon for punishment. Hannibal will escape and go to Paris to spend some time with his widowed aunt who will get him to speak again and teach him about flowers, martial arts and his ancestors. Eventually he becomes the youngest person ever admitted to medical school, gets a scholarship and gets a job preparing cadavers. There are many connections to Silence of the Lambs and other movies in the series for those who are paying close enouh attention. Don’t waste your time, you won’t have fun or be entertained by any of it. 6. HOSTEL 2 (Directed by Eli Roth) There’s nothing new in this second gross-out torture movie that was accepted as a horror movie by the marketplace. I didn’t like the first movie very much but thought it really went all out to be as offensive and stomach churning as you could be in a mass market movie. Here, Roth attempts to come up with some additional somewhat clever moments, but I thought he was trying much too hired. I mean watching Heather getting cut up by a naked lesbian with a fetish for blood is difficult to do, particularly when she stars crying out for her Mommy. The gore is what you would expect from something like this and it’s disturbing and disgusting but you never feel connected to any of the characters and the slight role reversal of the two male leads isn’t enough reason to sit through this. 5. SAW IV Hey, I kind of like Saw 1 and almost liked Saw 3. Jigsaw seems to die at the end of Saw 3, but that has never stopped a filmmaker from making a sequel. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be any attempt at making a logical connection as to why some more of Jigsaw traps would be about to create a 4th movie. In fact the movie rarely generates any suspense or interest whatsoever. I have no desire to spend any more time reconstructing the plot or remembering more about it. It was terrible. Avoid it. 4. Epic Movie Is another terrible parody movie. A half-way decent looking trailer is created giving hope that the movie may be full of inspired silliness and clever parodies of recent movies. It is not. Almost all of the jokes fall flat. The writer-director team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer somehow still believe that mentioning the name of a popular movie while something goofy is going on is something worth filming and putting in these movies. Is David Carradine’s breakdance speling of the name Da Vinci funny? No. Is a cute girl kicking a gopher in the face funny? No. There’s even a guy who imitates Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen’s character) and tries to be more over the top than Cohen is. Why? Because if you show this in a trailer for a few seconds, people will be curious about the movie and maybe make the mistake of buying a ticket to it, buying the DVD or watching it on cable t.v. I kept waiting for something funny to happen and counted three deserved chuckles and four or five forced ones.. where I wanted laugh but then realized the almost funny scene wasn’t actually going to deliver a laugh at all. After several moments like this you lose trust that anyone in the movie is going to do anything genuinely clever or funny. They don’t. Rent the original Airplane again and remind yourself that sometimes you can make a funny movie making fun of other movies or clichés. 3. Are We Done Yet Is a family friendly comedy starring Ice Cube. It’s a follow-up to Are We There Yet which made just under 100 million in the movie theaters. Now Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Nia Long) are married. Suzanne has two bratty kids and is expecting twins so it’s time to move out of the tiny apartment and buy a house in the suburbs. Of course the couple buys a fixer-upper from a con man realtor played by John C. McGinley. He’s got comic timing which is more than I can say for the rest of the cast who all seem barely able to over-act and make goofy faces. Lots of pratfalls and yelling and screaming ensue. The movie is a phony set up.. because of course the only guy around who can help Nick deal with his leaking roof and power problems is handyman, contractor, electrician Chuck the realtor. No one else is called in to help. What? There’s nothing new, clever or innovative here, but hey it’s family friendly… Lousy. 2. Norbit Directed by Brian Robbins Norbit looked like a tasteless worthless comedy from the previews and it didn’t seem possible that after making so many bad movies Eddie Murphy throw himself into another one where he would play a variety of characters that would mine humor using racial stereotypes. Well somehow, Murphy finds a new low by creating an Asian American caricuature with make up assistance via Rick Baker’s make-up, he also gives us Rasputia an enormous Big Momma type who stomps around like a Godzilla monster. You almost won’t notice the insulting caricature of a pimp named Pope Sweet Jesus that Eddie Griffin plays. Murphy also plays the mumbling glass wearing 90 pound weakling nerd name Norbit who grows up in Mr. Wong’s orphanage and Chinese restaurant and is beaten up by playground bullies though at one point is rescued by a girl that seems to like him. Norbit winds up in a marriage to the giant Rasputia who has very mean thuggish brothers to make sure Norbit stays in line. Then the girl from his childhood appears in the guise of Thandie Newton and Norbit hopes his life can change. It doesn’t look possible however when he finds out Thandie is engaged to marry the smooth player played by Cuba Gooding Jr. The few funny moments are all due to grotesque racial stereotypes. It’s a horrible film that you would never imagine anyone could possibly make in this age of political correctnesss. If there a point was being made by all this grotesquerie, I could defend it, but alas there’s not point, no agenda, it’s just supposed to be a movie to make you laugh. Bad…bad..bad.. Then again maybe this is the worst of the bunch 1. Good Luck Chuck 2007 Directed by Mark Helfrich I think Dane Cook was determined to destroy his own career by appearing in this movie which thinks it is funny and amusing to have Dane go to bed with a grossly obese woman who has bad acne and gas and eats bags of donut holes. We are also supposed to laugh at the scene of Dane going down on a stuffed penguin. Jessica Alba attempts to do knock-about slapstick but its just awkward watching her to pretend to do her own pratfalls. Cook and Alba have no chemistry together whatsoever and Cook isn’t funny or the least likeable. I saw part of this movie and turned it off and then watched it later on late night cable. It upset my stomach. Ugh. There were several other movies released in 2007 that got terrible reviews. I didn’t see Guy Ritchie’s Revolver, or Number 23 with Jim Carrey directed by Joel Schumacher which looked like a ludicrous and rotten thriller and is directed by my least favorite living director, or Georgia Rules directed by Garry Marshal with Lindsay Lohan, I didn’t see Bratz either, a movie based on the popular line of teenage girls as painted lady dolls, but I remember Paula Abdul being upset a few years ago when she wasn’t going to be in the movie and I guess things didn’t improve from there judging from the poor box office terrible reviews the movie got without Paula’s help (I know I’m so cruel) ; I didn’t see I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry with Adam Sandler and Kevin Paul Blatt James pretending to be a gay couple either – I heard it started with a lot of gay jokes and then made everyone a little bit guilty for laughing at the gay jokes in the first place… ah Sandler….; I also didn’t see Who’s Your Caddy but I saw the trailer and thinking of it my jaw drops open again (it looks more offensive than even Norbit); which reminds me that I also didn’t see Daddy Day Camp in which the likeable Cuba Gooding Jr. under the direction of Fred Savage tries to destroy the splinters of a career he might have in movies. I saw clips of Daddy Day Care with Eddie Murphy and Murphy somehow knew to stay away from this one… why? So he could make Norbit? Yikes. I'm sure Daddy Day Spa with Dane Cook , Eddie Murphy, Cuba Gooding Jr. will be released any day now. Comments?  |
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