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love your style! (Reply to this comment)
by busby777
I just love your chatty style & sense of humor. Great review!
~~~
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Jun 05 '06
11:54 am PDT
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Re: You had me at 'pussy' (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
OWT?? ;-)
Jan
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Jul 29 '03
12:48 pm PDT
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You had me at 'pussy' (Reply to this comment)
by Simply_Crispy
I don't usually read reviews like this, but jankp told me I had to. So I did, and I'm glad.
Now why won't the OWT allow the innocent use of the word 'pussy'? Idiots, the lot of them.
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Jul 29 '03
9:09 am PDT
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hehe (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
This is brilliant. Don't you have 6 cats now? Mama Cat, Little Bear, Empathy...Guess I'll make up the rest since you don't email or call back!
Janny
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Jul 28 '03
12:33 pm PDT
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Stay Away From Garfield For Your Own Good, Because. . . (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
. . .you're definitely not a catperson. You're a Spiderman!!!
Amusing and informative review that lives up to SCADSrequirements BIGtime!
MEOW!
AJ
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Dec 18 '02
4:25 am PST
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Jim (Reply to this comment)
by BadBob
you have fallen so low since loosin' that lection to the Wax man! Yur now reviewing kitty-cat dot coms! I ecpected ya to be a regular on the talk show circut visitin Larry King, Bill O'Reilly and that hardball playing fella Mathews. I visit Epinions once a year and this is what I find!
Take Care,
BadBob
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Dec 03 '02
5:19 am PST
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Yummy (Reply to this comment)
by nifer
Your most helpful review of this purr-fect site has me feeling warm 'n gooshy in all the right places.
Don't...stop...writing...ahhhhh...
xoxo ~ jennifer
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Nov 29 '02
6:38 pm PST
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Relent! Relent! (Reply to this comment)
by annexation
Jim-
Reaching... critical... pun... overload.
Hissin Meowff!?
[EXPLODE]
-Mark
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Nov 27 '02
7:07 am PST
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Re: Re: Spot Reserved For When I Can Indulge In Pu33y (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
Jimmy, I miss seeing your sexy face on your page! Please, please, please return it or I can't indulge...be a kitty, you know! ;-)
But I like cats. In my 12 Movie list I mentioned a cat movie I just adore!
Janny
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Nov 25 '02
11:10 am PST
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Re: Eloquent as usual, Jim.. (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
["Just for the record, I must have a lot of testosterone because I too enjoy the visual..any aspect of it. Though the written is nice too, in fact your review...figures it is hubby's late night at work. Also for the record, unlike men, women do not think about sex every 5 seconds (I think that's the right #..but we do think about it.)"]
Jeez jo, are you contending the intervals extend as much as 5 whole seconds with some people? I find that hard to believe. That's just plain sexually-dysfunctional. What could possibly be so distracting? The only breaks I just now noticed in my sexual focus, were the breaks I just took to think about "how much I think about sex," which, I suppose technically, still qualifies as "thinking about sex."
["Cats however, do nothing for me.]
I have yet to meet the cat that does anything for anybody, excepting of course, itself. (That was me intentionally being obtuse about any double-entendres I perceived fairly leaping out at me from your last sentence. If I hadn't been intentionally obtuse, I might have said something instead, like: "Well, jo... I suppose that eliminates any postulations about your having a 'high level of testosterone,'" but that might lend credibility to the utterly preposterous notion that the only thing men ever think about is sex. Far be it for me to propagate such an unfounded generalization. Nope, won't do it. In fact, I'm thinking about something COMPLETELY unrelated to sex, right this very instant. Complete non-titillation. There I go again with yet ANOTHER non-sexual thought. That was two in a row. How many seconds are we up to...?)
Snickers,
--29th
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Nov 22 '02
6:42 pm PST
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Re: ok, cold shower time! (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
["ok, cold shower time!
by LatteChick
Ouch! 29th, you have such a way of elucidating the truth, it proves painful in it’s purely poetic poignancy."]
Pleased and 'ppreciative as I am by the playfully p-pronounced praise that packs the prose of your personal pride-promoting persiflage, a pause for proper perspective persuades me it's probably the prolonged pulpit-pounding preachiness of my porn-piece's plodding paragraphs that "proves painful," rather than any palpable "poetic poignancy" you politely profess to perceive. I must now reverse the after-effects of your head-swelling praise... Uhhhhmmm... room in that cold shower for two? I'll stay on my side... ehhhh, mostly.
["I have to be honest with you, though. I’ve never been too terribly impressed by 'David'."]
Perhaps if you praised him...
["However, guys like yourself saying things such as (and I quote) 'I've got my hands full with myself.' Now that is proven to send shivers through a girl and all her best bits."]
:::perfunctory blush::: Talk about Freudian slips... I picked up on that awkwardly self-playful turn of phrase after I posted my piece. I persuaded myself that I'd probably be the only person to pick up on it. Heh. So much for THAT rationalization...
["I especially approve of the entire “perpetually-galvanized universal lightning rod” argument. This does lend pause to my reasoning that by nagging a man you will eventually wear him down. Having perfected the art of nagging, chastising and kvetching, I should have no problem getting laid whenever the need arises, eh."]
Uhhhmmm, jeez becka, can't we make this shower's water any colder? I've had chillier steam-baths.
["But just in case you ever worry that your SCADliciousness has diminished, sleep tight in the knowledge that you are just as consumerly helpful as that Sordid-1 fellow, if not more."]
Uhhhmmm, jeez becka, doesn't this shower have any hot water? I've been hit in the face with warmer slushballs.
["Now about your Most Frilling Helpful Part II – my poor kitty(cat) doesn’t have any toys. She resorts to using the corner of the stairs or occasionally my shoulder blade as a scratching post. If I should ever inherit a spare $30, I will most definitely be visiting this website, per your recommendation. "]
Awwwww... You're too kind. How 'bout I just let you have my cats' Cat-Opoly board? You could prop it up against the corner of your stairs. My cats will never notice its disappearance, s'long as you don't insist I send you the cellophane in which it came wrapped.
["If you will excuse me, I’m still lingering on the entire “hands full of myself” line. Oy vey, I am so jealous of your hands! "]
Allow me to respond to your bottom line by assuring you I never knowingly held myself out as a tease, yet it's apparent I HAVE accidentally ex-prosed myself. It was an honest misunderglanding. I'm quite content to leave it in your capable hands to undertake a mutually-satisfying resolution for the sensitive issue I may have initially raised, but which has now apparently reached the point to where it inadvertently intrudes upon your personal space. I welcome your input in this regard, and assure you that whatever it is you DO touch upon or come up with, I shall endeavor to take care of any part you assign me, with the utmost sensitivity, and until both ends are taken care of to the fullest measure possible.
In the event that fails, we could always switch hands.
~jim~
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Nov 22 '02
5:01 pm PST
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Re: -0936-683498698-3000 (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
["Being a slow learner and stubborn as hell, I have continually scanned your reviews, dissecting them repeatedly seeking even the smallest tidbit of SCADS or SCADS-like tendencies. Obviously, this is a lesson in futility..."]
Ken, I can't tell you how distressed I am to hear this! I was certain by now you'd have figured out that you were up WAY too close to be able to see scads as big as the ones I shoe-horned into my previous reviews. Watching you scan my reviews for scads, was like watching a Banzai tree horticulturist stumbling through the middle of Redwood Tree National Forest, scanning the ground in utter confusion as to why he hasn't seen a single tree, despite his map's indicating he should completely surrounded by them.
["...as your ability to provide SCADS is roughly equivalent to Louis Farrakhan's ability to promote Semetism."]
He does have a tendency to bring Jewish people closer together, doesn't he....
["But today the skies opened up, a new day dawned, and after my long and arduous search, I have finally seen the slightest hope for some small degree of purchaser-enabling prowess in your feeble words. Yes, I found a SCAD, a little, tiny, itsy bitsy chunk of SCAD in a Jim Scileppi review!"]
Hey, I just noticed you've got your binoculars turned around.
["Indeed, you are correct (and SCADS-providing) in observing that the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is NOT particularly consumerly helpful."]
Does Michelangelo's off-topic anatomy-padding and eye-filler offend you as much as it does me?
["Well done, lad. I award you with the "Sordid-1 Junior Scad Scatterer Award of the Day". ]
Why thank you. I've often chuckled over the irony of their naming that silly award after as consumer helpfulosity-challenged a review-padder as "Sordid-1 Junior Scad Scatterer." :::yawn::: Just toss it right over there, on top of the mountainous pile of other SCAD awards and honors...
--29th (God's Gift To Consumer-Helpfulosity)
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Nov 22 '02
12:35 pm PST
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good lord! (Reply to this comment)
by psykosis_fc
hwhahhahahahahahhahahha! /deep breath/ BWAhahahhahahahahha hahahahah ahahhahahahha hoho ho hahahahhaa!!!!
Yo da MAN!!!
When are you going to make good on that Barley Pop brothah? I be back in Pasadena and heading out to Clearman's The Boat in Monrovia to toss back a few and grub up some tasty chow if you'd like to join me and meet the clan...
email me at psykosis@geekextreme.com for me phone number to get directions or arrainge some other carbonated adult beverage exchange repository location...
:)
jeff
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Nov 22 '02
11:23 am PST
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Re: Purrfect Prose (Reply to this comment)
by LatteChick
... bravo ...
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Nov 22 '02
10:38 am PST
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Jim, you're a disgrace. (Reply to this comment)
by Hypotenuse
How can you sleep at night, knowing the lives you ruin by pimping this site? My kitties would never recover if I let them loose in there. Next thing you know they'd be adding this to my favorites and stealing my credit card out of my purse to pay for their purchases.
Shame on you.
Lynne
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Nov 22 '02
7:57 am PST
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Re: Tee hee (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
You're much too kind, fez-buddy...
I should probably level with you though, I wasn't actually trying to write anything of merit or worth; I have to write reviews of questionable common sense like this one every so often when my Web of Trusters gets too big. This one has been instrumental in helping me to cull it down to a more manageable size. lol.
Are you sure you want to encourage me? You might just be stuck reading 2 more years of this brain-rot...
ook ook
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Nov 22 '02
4:50 am PST
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Re: Spot Reserved For When I Can Indulge In Pu33y (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Wellllllllll... Alright ms. janny, I'll be holding that spot for you...
Uhmmmmmmmm... heh.
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Nov 22 '02
4:13 am PST
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Re: rayndum thuts from me and my girlfriend (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Dammit Robert, if this one act play didn't have so many external references to some smutty bit of filth, I'd lobby to have it nominated for a Toli. Excuse me? "What do I mean by 'a Toli?'" A Toli Award is the honor traditionally given to scadsliferously consumerly-helpful creative literature.
That Anabel sounds like a find. Hilarious sense of humor, too. Any namesake-relation to Edgar Allan Poe's long, lost honey?:
"It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;--
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me," etc., etc.?
Many thanks for the always-creative comment, RL! It's the literate, weird stuff that keeps me active here...
with conspiratorial camaraderie,
--29th
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Nov 22 '02
4:10 am PST
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Re: Re: .............. (Reply to this comment)
by bluehawq
Oh my! I have seen that one like 50 times. I love it. And it does sort of fit the occasion! lol
Aud
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Nov 21 '02
10:40 pm PST
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Re: .............. (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
It's like that Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck cartoon, where Daffy can only get an ovation from the audience after blowing himself up on stage. Amidst thunderous applause, a still-clapping Bugs Bunny enthusiastically acknowledges Daffy, whose soul has begun to float up to Heaven:
BUGS: "That was TE-R-R-R-RIFFIC Daffy; they want more!"
DAFFY: [Glumly] "I know, I know... but I can only do that trick once...
lol,
--29th
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Nov 21 '02
7:39 pm PST
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rayndum thuts from me and my girlfriend (Reply to this comment)
by brotherman
PLAYERS
anabel alzala ( 22 year old art student expatriate from peru, currently girlfriend of the world famous brotherman
Robert lashley( 24 year old computer science/literature student, ghetto fabulous bon vivant, also known as the world famous brotherman.
SCENE Big azz big brass bed,overlooking the water. varsity village apartment #105.current home of world famous brotherman. begins with anabel asleep and brotherman typing away on his laptop, waking her up
ANABEL : what are you doing
ME: trying to type a comment to an epinions review.
ANA Dios mio, sex and writing that's all you think about sex and writing.
ME: and that is a problem because? im a lover not a fighter. If you feel left out watch what im doing we can make this a joint venture.
ANA: ha-ha, you said joint.
ME Dios mia, all you think about is sex,art and weed.
PART #1 is a windy rant intended to call attention to the abusively arbitrary and blatantly selective application by epinions, of its "indecent content" ticketing sanction to block the visibility and accessibility of the reviews of one of its finest writers; "Lobstergirl."
ANA: whose lobstergirl
ME: somebody who was kicked out of epinions because some tight-azzed people ratted on her for being sexually open. I think.
ANA: Probably a small pen!s thing, men with little ones get obsessed over female sexuality.
PART #2 is a site review of CATTOYS.COM. If you are only interested in reading the site review, skip down to the part conspicuously labeled "PART #2." If having your brain fried by... (deep breath) ...SCADS & SCADS & SCADS of stupid "pu**y-cat" puns calculated to help the pu**y-possessing purrr-chaser render more pu**y-pleasing cat-toy purrrrrchasing decisions is not your cup of c...
ME: The most beautiful word in the world.
ANA: Reminds me of that old song by the 69 boys.
ME: What kitty cat....
TANGO VERSION OF KITTY KAT:
ANA:Si podría tener mi gatito yo prometa que no lo tomaré que lo amaré y que le retornaré cada día ella tendrá siempre un lugar a permanecer
ME: If i could have my kitty cat
I promise i wont take it back
I'll love it feed it every day
She'll always have a place to stay
ANA: that's all the words
ME: it's a 69 boyz song, we aint talking about smokey here.
Sure, I've got all of the requisite "indecent material censor" qualifications; I've got a dirty mind, I'm hypocritical, I pretend to be God-fearing where it suits my purposes, etc., but my unconditional recognition and meek acceptance of these flaws in my character (along with my modesty,) render me ineligible. Besides, I hear the recent job market is G-string deep in libido-challenged ex-priests. In light of ep's sudden concern for review-content decency, it seems a shame for the epi-admin to waste the potential opportunity providence has provided by this recent surfeit of morality-trained talent in search of stimulating, new missionary positions
ANA: least he's honest
ME : Yep.
If you're one of those judgmental sinners who measures your strength by the stones you cast, for your own sleep's sake, you'd best check yourself. I'm descended from people who are more predisposed to "getting stoned" than "casting" them. I can "get high" without getting "mighty." ...I think.
ME: personally i think that we can solve the world problems by having an orgy at my house.You bring the weed , ill bring the booze
ANA( Slaps him)
Gals, skip the "high-fivin';" I have yet to meet a one of you who doesn't get moist discussing the intimate details that dangle "sans fig leaf" from Michelangelo's sculpture of "David
ANA: David? yeah if you salivate over something so god d*mm little. I aint sweating over no god d*mm cock-a-roach
ME: ( kisses ANA on the cheek.)
I was a great admirer of Michelangelo in 7th grade. Oh, sure he was a pretty cool painter, but only a GREAT artist could get away with talking a Pope (Julius II, if memory serves...) into letting him deface the ceiling of a huge, hallowed, house of the holy with SCADS of not particularly consumerly-helpful hooter, vagina and phallus-exposing human bodies! Not even the hastily painted loincloths subsequently commissioned by Pope Pius IV (most of which were removed during restoration) to cover that dirty, Genesis-depicting genitalia, could minimize the magnificence of such a holy hoax. What a cool Renaissance. How did we ever sink so deeply back into the dark ages? Could it have something to do with our own self-deceit?
ANA: Let me talk about the...
ME: baby, please because you'll deliver a 45 minute lecture on the homosexual dynamic of michaelangelo's art and bore everybody half to death.
ANA: if you call me baby one more time i'll smack you so hard your kinfolk in africa will feel it
ME: yes ma'am
I remember reading somewhere that sculpted and painted depictions of vaginas and penises are really "art." I suppose it all depends on who the artist is. The Almighty is worshipped like a god all over the world. This may be why when he makes a penis or a vagina, it's considered "a beautiful creation," but if YOU or I unveil this beautiful artwork in public, we get arrested (or ticketed.)
ANA: personally i believe that is my god given right to be nude whenever I want to.god made this body...
ME: You aint lying
ANA: ahem. god made this body and I can do what ever I feel that in a perfect world I can be able to wear what i want and live in this world openly and frely
ME: and baby because i love you, I will be gladly to give you that freedom. you can coexist in that perfect world anytime at my house whenever you want to.
Gals, if you're tired of fighting gravity for control of your significant other's not very magic wand, there's really no trick to transforming that wimpy willy you've :::ahem::: "been stuck with," into a perpetually-galvanized universal lightning rod powered by the perversion-potential inherent in everything in nature
ANA: no problemo
ME: ( kisses her on cheek again)
"If you have obscenity between your ears you will find obscenity wherever you look for it. You can punish the world for it, but you can't escape yourself. When you judge and persecute other people for your own perceived crimes and flaws; those discomforting, but human aspects of yourself you refuse to acknowledge and accept, the resulting moral dilemma turns you into an outlaw of your own mind"
ANA: to put in your words " he can write like a mother-F*cker " and a handsome one at that.
ME: That's his monthly soliloqy reminding everybody that he's about 10 leagues smarter than damm near everyone in this place.
ANA: What about the review?
ME: Who the f*ck comes here for the consumer reports. it's about the art, baby. Now turn off them lights and lets make some art of our own.
FINIS.
always a pleasure and a priviledge, Jim.
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Nov 21 '02
7:31 pm PST
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Re: Holy SHIT, Jim! (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
-Marcy dearest,
Coming from epins' first lady of "Tell-It-Like-It-Is," and a woman who is as much feline as she is human, I feel quite validated by your savored comment. I can assure you that I will ALSO be "...going back to read 'it' again, now." :)
--Catidate
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Nov 21 '02
4:27 pm PST
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Wow! Meow! (Reply to this comment)
by surferdude7
Hi Jim!
Two parts Huh!
Well there was no place for rating part one so I rated part two.
I loved the Cattoys.com's bodacious bud selection!
Great Review Jim!
Ron
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Nov 21 '02
4:24 pm PST
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Re: ~Oh Dear...~ (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
["Good Lord, What's a girl to do with so much information floating about??"]
Corrupt it.
Eve was the world's first Diva.
The reason you don't see her erotic posters hanging up in novelty stores, is because I bought out the entire stock.
Every day, I put up a new one, but by the end of the day, it has eye-holes burned through all the best parts.
["Scandalous."]
I consider that word a synonym for "honest." I like your word better. It sells more books.
Thanks xo, ~Kel~,
29th (Not the1st politician to hold orifice)
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Nov 21 '02
4:16 pm PST
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Re: Re: Whee (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Barbara--
As always, thank you for you honesty and your willingness to speak up. I bring my cats "neighbor-grown" (lawn) grass. What is it about cats that gives them such an uncanny ability to overpay attention to you the 90% of the time it screws with your concentration or ability to do something you're involved in, but the other10% of the time, they pretend I'm a piece of furniture? Where have I seen this behavior pattern before?
"Pussy." It's kind of a nice word. I think I liked it even better when I thought words (and things generally) had the capacity for being evil. Kind of takes the fun out of it knowing you can imbue any of nature's inanimate, neutral-value holding items with whatever virtue or evil you decide to put into it.
Mankind's perception is the root of all evil.
Boy, that REALLY sounded dull. lol.
Much Obliged, B,
--29th_Pornogratician
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Nov 21 '02
3:55 pm PST
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Eloquent as usual, Jim.. (Reply to this comment)
by jo.com
Just for the record, I must have a lot of testosterone because I too enjoy the visual..any aspect of it. Though the written is nice too, in fact your review...figures it is hubby's late night at work. Also for the record, unlike men, women do not think about sex every 5 seconds (I think that's the right #..but we do think about it.) Cats however, do nothing for me. jo
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Nov 21 '02
2:28 pm PST
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Re: Superman, I have a question. (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Melissa--
As absolutely, mind-wrenchingly tempted as I am to provide the accurate answer to that question, I fear its revelation will generate a visitation from (:::hint-hint, wink-wink:::) SANDro Botticelli's ghost tonight, for my having taken the mystery out of his timeless masterbate, ... uhhhhmmm... masterPIECE.
I better turn off my x-rated, ...uhhhhmmm... x-RAY vision now,
--Krypto-ninth
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Nov 21 '02
2:16 pm PST
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ok, cold shower time! (Reply to this comment)
by LatteChick
Ouch! 29th, you have such a way of elucidating the truth, it proves painful in it’s purely poetic poignancy. I have to be honest with you, though. I’ve never been too terribly impressed by “David”. However, guys like yourself saying things such as (and I quote) “I've got my hands full with myself.” Now that is proven to send shivers through a girl and all her best bits.
I especially approve of the entire “perpetually-galvanized universal lightning rod” argument. This does lend pause to my reasoning that by nagging a man you will eventually wear him down. Having perfected the art of nagging, chastising and kvetching, I should have no problem getting laid whenever the need arises, eh.
But just in case you ever worry that your SCADliciousness has diminished, sleep tight in the knowledge that you are just as consumerly helpful as that Sordid-1 fellow, if not more.
Now about your Most Frilling Helpful Part II – my poor kitty(cat) doesn’t have any toys. She resorts to using the corner of the stairs or occasionally my shoulder blade as a scratching post. If I should ever inherit a spare $30, I will most definitely be visiting this website, per your recommendation.
If you will excuse me, I’m still lingering on the entire “hands full of myself” line. Oy vey, I am so jealous of your hands!
~beck~
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Nov 21 '02
1:21 pm PST
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-0936-683498698-3000 (Reply to this comment)
by Sordid-1
Jim,
Being a slow learner and stubborn as hell, I have continually scanned your reviews, dissecting them repeatedly seeking even the smallest tidbit of SCADS or SCADS-like tendencies. Obviously, this is a lesson in futility, as your ability to provide SCADS is roughly equivalent to Louis Farrakhan's ability to promote Semetism. But today the skies opened up, a new day dawned, and after my long and arduous search, I have finally seen the slightest hope for some small degree of purchaser-enabling prowess in your feeble words. Yes, I found a SCAD, a little, tiny, itsy bitsy chunk of SCAD in a Jim Scileppi review!
Indeed, you are correct (and SCADS-providing) in observing that the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is NOT particularly consumerly helpful.
Well done, lad. I award you with the "Sordid-1 Junior Scad Scatterer Award of the Day".
Great Gonzos! It's,
Sordid "Catscad Fever" One
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Nov 21 '02
1:12 pm PST
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Re: Whee (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Virginia--
Were you always such a hip granniemose? I'm hoping that it turns out you got it more together as you got older, because if that's the case, there might be hope for me yet.
I'm really glad you got a bang out of this. I wrote it in about 3 different sittings. Each time I sat down it seemed like it was a worse idea than the last sitting. I discussed it several times with my cats, but, for some reason, they didn't appear particularly interested. Hell, if you can't arouse the interest of your own damn cats, who the heck else is ever going to want to read it?
Thanks Again,
jim
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Nov 21 '02
1:00 pm PST
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