Doctor Big D's Love Tape: 16 Songs To Make Love To... (Vol I) May 28 '11 (Updated Jun 02 '11)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music The Dirtchamber Sessions, Vol. 1 by The Prodigy From $11 Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 The Bottom Line Yep. Here's a special bonus review for my people until Carter IV drops. UPDATE: Carter IV gets pushed back again - so I'll keep reviewing. I was recently digging through my music collection and found this plastic blue slim case that I hadn't seen in a while. So about six years ago, a certain member of Shopping.com who went by the alias of JSlow sent me a very interesting mix CD. It was a unique mix of R&B and pop songs, many of which I actually had never heard before. In terms of girls, I used to be a social loser in high school. I was popular, but I went through high school without a single fucking date. Didn't go to prom. Didn't do jack shit except be a class clown. Sometime after 2003, I began to study the arts of social dynamics and social interaction with the opposite sex. After many failures and many heartbreaks, I was able to find success, to the point where I wound up hooking up with a legitimate blonde swimsuit-model-level dimepiece in 2006. I couldn't believe it; a fat kid like me nailing somebody I had no business nailing. What happened here? It all starts with loving thyself first. In the past couple of months since becoming financial stable for the first time in my life (woot woot), I've began to focus on improving other aspects of my life. I have been studying numerous books and videos on social dynamics in order to rise up and fly with the eagles and establish connections to increase the quality of life. I've taken this knowledge along with what I've learned in the past and am seriously considering writing a book about my discoveries, tentatively titled "Be Your Own Emperor: A Fat Man's Guide to Getting Laid And Finding Love". Check Amazon every day for the next ten years and maybe it'll pop up. Since I'm known more around these circles as a music reviewer than anything, why not mix the music stuff in there?? Sounds like fun. So today I present, Doctor Big D's Love Mixtape: The 15 Best Songs To Make LOVE to. These are field-tested songs that will help YOU get in the mood with your lady to experience the best night of your life (and maybe hers if you're laying proper pipe). Let's begin: 1. Donnell Jones - Have You Seen Her: I like to start this mix with one of my all-time favorite R&B songs ever. It's not really a SEX song, but more a song about MEETING someone special (at a red light, a possible metaphor for the red light district, but I hope not). The vibe and the instrumentation follow an absolute PERFECT tempo for the initial kissing session. Remember gentlemen, you can't properly make love without lots of solid kissing. If you jump to the foreplay too early, she won't be in the mood and you will crash and burn. Take it slow. 2. Keith Sweat - Nobody: If you don't have this in all your mixes - you are a fool. The song is infamous at this point. Keith Sweat may be single handedly responsible for the population increase. This is another good make-out song, preferably played BEFORE intercourse, during the kissing and foreplay times (if you really want to keep her around, you'll foreplay it up for a bit). I like this song a lot because it EMPOWERS the male ("Who can sex you like me? Nobodyyyyy") rather than suck up to the female like many other R&B tracks do. 3. Link - I Really Wanna Sex Your Body: Much like with the Donnell Jones song, this is a perfect tempo for heavy kissing and foreplay. You can play this while you kiss her body slowly, and it is almost guaranteed to get the hair standing. Don't put it in just yet though, even though you could if you like the slow and deep method (I'm givin' away too many secrets here). 4. R. Kelly - Honey Love: Now, most people would easily expect me to put "Bump N Grind" on here, and while that WOULD be worthy substitute, it's almost too predictable. Too many dudes, specially in the 90s, tried to make babies to that. This however, while a big hit, will always be in the shadow of other Kelly hits and that's a good thing! Using EVERYTHING you hear on Top 40 Radio is going to come off as cliche. 5. Avant - Read Your Mind: This is almost TOO R&B, but man does it hit the spot. If you mix and match when you make this mix, make sure to put this either directly before or after the R. Kelly. Both songs mirror each other and compliment each other like salt and pepper. 6. Joe - I Wanna Know: Okay so, this might be cliche, but in this case, who cares. This song HAS NEVER FAILED ME! EVER! It's almost a MUST-have for these. Joe has a whole catalog of similar stuff, but this reigns on top. 7. H-Town - Knockin The Boots: My son Hamza would say that this song is "such cheese" and make no mistake it is, but the vibe is sublime: good vocal inflections, good lyrics, and top notch production. If the girl is an 80s baby, you win massive points with this. 8. Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody: Yep, the song from Ghost. Sung by whites who sound like blacks. Now, my PERSONAL suggestion would say to save this one for when you're with a white girl; this seems to work on caucasian women much more effectively than blacks or latinas. If she's a fan of the movie though, it could work both ways. She will either pop at the fact that you have it, or maybe even think you're a lame. Proceed with caution here and weigh out the options. 9. Selena - I Could Fall In Love: Playas; if you are macking with a latina female, specially one who has VERY close ties to her family, isn't "whitewashed", is bilingual, and is cultural, and you do NOT have this in your tape deck - you are missing out on a PRIME opportunity to have your genitals smell like frijoles. The tempo of this song is extraordinarily perfect, the lyrics are top notch, and having a female's voice amongst a group of top notch male R&B singers helps to slightly balance the masculine and feminine energy in the room. Again, if you are macking a latina between the ages of 22 and 35, this is essential (specially if shes Mexican, since Selena is their hero). 10. Michael Jackson - Lady In My Life:: OF COURSE!! Anybody who thinks Michael Jackson played with kids and didn't like women needs to listen to this. The man felt it - no doubt. Now, my suggestion: seek out the EXTENDED 12'' version of this song (sometimes called the Full Version). It has an extra verse and hook that I'm a huge fan of, allowing the song to crescendo much better during time spent with a lady than the shorter one from the commercial version of Thriller. 11. Prince - Cream: YEAH~!. You turn this on when you're set your hormones to "Max Power". When you put this up, you'd better start grinding harder than you have been for the past 10 songs. You'd better turn on your Casanova Mac Daddy mode here and let her know that she's never gonna find someone who puts it down like you. Shine on my brother. 12. LL Cool J - Imagine That: Much like with R. Kelly, most folks would assume "Doin It" would be here, but again - cliche. She's heard it, you've heard it, why bother? Go for a curve ball. Why not use this, which is essentially a SEQUEL, with an equally sexed up beat, rugged lyricism ("multiple orgasms is ya destiny"), and the same chick! Lots of masculine energy provided here. 13. Janet Jackson - 70s Love Groove: Like with Joe, Janet has a horde of very good love songs in her catalog. I'm no Janet expert and I haven't heard too much of her work, but this stands out. To me, this one blends smooth and bouncy, which is how you should be in the sack. 14. Boys II Men: I'll Make Love To You: I've debated on where to position this song. Certain aspects of it make me feel it should go in the early 5 songs on the mix, but once the hook hits, it basically serves as a good song to put near the end. It somewhat puts a cap on the evening. 15. Isley Brothers - Contageous: This is a fun one. The Isleys are legends in the baby boomer industry and this is their most recent SMASH hit. Ron Isley deserves a spot in the Vogue Crew Hall of Fame for his accomplishments. Feel free to swap places between this and Joe's "I Wanna Know" if you'd like, specially if you've known the girl for a little more time. 16. K-Ci and JoJo - All My Life: Possibly the most passionate R&B song of 1998 (and that was a VERY GOOD YEAR). Now be careful with this one gents; DO NOT whip this out early. This is essentially a COMMITTMENT song. That means that if you know this is a one night stand or short term type deal, you need to avoid this one. It'll make you seem sappy AND give her the wrong idea. She has to be a girl of VALUE before you hit this one, but when you do - she'll cut off one of her fingers for you. Give her this after you've given her enough sausage to fill a McDonalds breakfast menu. Other honorable mentions for different reasons that floated around in my head: The Roots - Break You Off - I'm only putting this here because this is a perfect song to get YOU in the mood to become the best mack you could possibly be. Listen to this by yourself or with her in the car PRIOR to making out. Real baller shit here. Also, make sure you have the EXTENDED version from the Phrenology album with the extra verse. In fact, I may do a list of top PIMP songs to make YOU feel like a baller before you spit game at the ladies. We'll see. Berlin - Take My Breath Away - Can't fuck with this. Put this on your second love mix. Very good with white girls, asians and latinas. Nine Inch Nails - Closer - Use this on aggressive white girls. Major shoutouts to the man who taught us all about Nine Inch Nails: TheVoid99. Silk - If You - Basic supplemental R&B song. You can mix it somewhere in the middle. Doesn't seem to make too much of a difference for me. Notorious B.I.G. - Fuckin You Tonight - Very good song that was in my mix for many years until I decided to filter it out. Biggie provides that nice mack flavor, but when you're deep into sex, it's really not necessary. You've got better songs up top to provide mood. Aaliyah - Rock The Boat - It's been suggested by many. The only reason this isn't included is because this song has somewhat of a negative conotation to it since she DIED after recording the video. Could just be me, but I stay away from it when I can. And before you ask about Seal: Read BELOW. ----------- But this ain't all. I've also got Volume II featuring 15 MORE songs to smash to. That's right, I've saved a whole slew of them, and GOOD ones too (Yes, Seal is on here)! But that'll be another time. If you'd like your very own autographed copy for $15.99 (that's right autographed), e-mail me at superfriendsmailbox@gmail.com and we'll chop it up. Good luck playas ----------- Follow Me On Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/EmperorBigD Check Out http://www.superfriendsuniverse.com

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