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In memory of my MomAug 29 '11 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Treasure what you have because it can be gone before you - I always thought I'd have more time with my mom and sadly I won't.
2011 has been a year for the record books - with every horrible event that happened [and there are far too many to count including my boyfirend's deployment to Afghanistan and my oldest daughter's boyfriend "allegedly" murdering someone [he did it] and her choosing to stick my him [and yes you read that correctly] I kept saying things can't get any worse. Then on August 21st I found out that things can get worse - my mom passed away. She was my best friend - the pain and loss I feel pales in comparison to what my Dad must be feeling - they were married 57 years and together since high school. I can't even begin to imagine how he feels - he truly lost half of him. I am posting the eulogy I wrote in honor of her memory. Earlier this week I was asked to speak today my first thought was I can’t do it – I will not be able to hold myself together long enough to talk about my mother. My children were unable to understand how I could not do it, how I could not speak about the mother I loved so dearly, who was my best friend and who was always there for them. I know the pain they feel they feel losing their grandmother. I don’t think they begin to understand the sorrow and heartbreak I feel losing her - that every word I say will remind me of my loss. That I will never again see my mom, I will not be able to speak with her, hug her, laugh or cry with her or celebrate another milestone event with her. But then I thought of my mom, she would have told me “suck it up and pull yourself together, do what needs to be done and while you are doing it stand up straight and put a smile on your face. “ So to honor my mother’s memory I will do this with a smile on my face, her memory in my heart and with the humor she taught me to find in every bad situation to make it just slightly better. One of my first real memories of my mom was in 1971 when she dressed me up and took me to Tiny Tots toy store to buy my first Barbie Doll – Malibu Barbie. The wonder and joy I felt as I let go of her hand reached across the counter to take hold of that doll stays with me today. If she had a crystal ball she might have thought twice about taking me there. As an adult I have made an online career writing online stories about Barbie. Without my mom I would not have over a million page views and three angry letters from Mattel. Each time I received a letter I immediately thought of her, smiled and wondered if she ever knew what a can of worms she had opened. I laugh too because my mom dressed us up to take us everywhere, the doctor, the dentist, the market. The other night my youngest said to me it’s all your fault it takes me forever to get ready you put on makeup to go grocery shopping. I smiled and thought it’s not my fault blame your Nana – growing up we may not have always had the best but we were taught to look the best we could with what we had – to never be vain but to take pride in our appearance. She’s the reason I get dressed to grocery shop and do my hair before going to the salon to get it done – I always want to make her proud. My mother also taught me there is only one proper way to fold a towel, in thirds then in thirds again, that you should make your bed every morning and there is but one correct way to load the dishwasher. As an adult I have tried to break these habits but I find cannot because I felt like my mom was always watching me and would call me out for shortcuts taken. Now that I know she is always watching I promise to always do things properly and to never take shortcuts again. My mom patiently taught me to sew – without her expertise and guidance I would have never won 4 DAR sewing awards and without her I would have never met my best friend - the seam ripper – how I loathed when she would make me rip out my hard work and do it again and do it correctly. Back then I couldn’t understand why she was so mean to me - what did it matter if the plaids weren’t matched or the notches weren’t exactly lined up. Today I realize she wasn’t being mean, she was teaching me that if you’re not going to do it right then don’t do it at all. The skills and wisdom she imparted on me are used all the time - I can sew on a button that will never fall off, I can hand sew a zipper that will never come loose and many a time at midnight as I sew 70 costumes for a play and think I can’t do it, I close my eyes and say to myself of course you can just think how mom would have told you do to this and just get it done. My mom was fair but firm and sometimes perhaps harsh. She use to say to us all the time “as you kids love to say life isn’t fair” but she was the first one to drop everything, hug us and try to make it better when life truly wasn’t fair. She set rules and expected us to follow them. When we slipped up, and boy did we slip up, she would say ‘if you weren’t being such a jackass none of this would have happened.” I listened to what she said, took it to heart, never repeated the same mistake again – the lesson was learned and thanks to her I can proudly say, and I think she would agree, I didn’t grow up to be a jackass. Without her love, support and keeping it real attitude I wouldn’t have grown up to be half the person I am today. I cannot thank her enough for never giving up on me, for always being there for me, supporting me in everything I did and for giving me an often well deserved a swift kick in the rump when needed – she kept me on track, taught me I could be anything I wanted to be. Her love for me as 100% unconditional and is 100% appreciated today. I can never repay her for all she did for me and can only hope to pay it forward to my own children – I only hope to be as wonderful, loving, caring, supportive and compassionate to my own children as she was to me. Two weeks ago I started cleaning out my basement. I opened a box and started to cry – inside I found my girl scout sash with the gold star she helped me earn and the books where she had signed off on every badge I earned to get that star – I thought they had been ruined in a flood and was thrilled to find them – now I will keep it safe and treasure it forever along with the memories it holds. She helped me every step of the way – she never complained once about all the hours it took to earn, all the driving she had to do get me to the places where I earned my service hours, all the extras she had to do to help me get it. Without her love and support I would have never got the star – I was so happy that she stood proudly by me as the star was pinned on me - thanks to her I was the first girl in my council to receive it and received it one year earlier than expected. I also want to say to my mom you touched the lives of so many people. All of my friends have nothing but kind words to say about you. You welcomed all of them into your home and showed them kindness, hospitality and caring. They always left your home with a full belly and smile on their faces. You shared stories about me and made all of them laugh but the most lasting impression you made was the sentence I heard over and over, “wow can your mom mix a drink”. 20 years later we all still laugh about it and remember those times fondly. There are far too many memories of my mom to share - she was my best friend – we talked all the time, we were the black Friday brigade – first ones at the mall to tackle our holiday shopping, and she taught me how to host a holiday. In the years that I took over hosting holiday events she would always ask me if she could help – I would think you did this for all those years just sit back and enjoy - you don’t realize how much you have helped me – without you teaching me Thanksgiving dinner wouldn’t be all ready at the exact some time, the gifts wouldn’t all be wrapped and under the tree and most importantly I wouldn’t get that everything doesn’t need to be perfect – it’s about the time you spend with your family and the memories you make that are most important. You’ve done more than you could ever know so please sit back and relax – you have earned it. Of all the memories I have with my mom, I think the ones I have of her and the time she spent with my children will be the most special. She greeted them into this world and was so proud of all of them. The time they got to spend to was her was priceless and yes I know that they would have loved to have spent more time with her, but the time they had was so precious – to all of you please know that while she may be gone she will always be with you – she will be there for every special moment in your life. You will always carry her in your heart and your memories. To Nicole, please know that your Nana loved you. You were her first grandchild and she cherished all the time she got to spend with you. You brought joy into her life and put an extra smile in heart. To Alex, please know how much your Nana loved watching you sing and the joy it brought to her. Please know that she realized the immense talent you have and the joy you bring to others to others through your music and art. To Trevor, your Nana was so proud of you and the dedication you have to school and everything you do. She was so proud of the project you are doing and would be thrilled to know you have dedicated it to her memory. To all my children please remember your Nana lived thru WWII, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, far too many conflicts and the current war in Afghanistan. She knew far too well the tragedy, sorrow, pain and loss these events cause. She also knew the joy and appreciation felt by the Medical Staff and wounded soldiers at Bastion Hospital, as she would have said “if one item in each box sent can make the time spent there a little bit better than you are doing a good job. As a family we will pull together to make this project more successful than it already is and will make your Nana proud. To Claire – You’re Nana loved you so much and also loved to watch you sing and perform. I know that you were sad when she missed a show, but sometimes it was just too hard to get there, and know that it made her so sad to miss it. Please also know that she will never miss another show – she will always have a front row seat and will there to cheer you on. To my Dad – I cannot even begin to imagine the pain, sorrow and loss you feel - be thankful for all the time you had together and although you would have liked to have more please realize you had more time than most people will ever get. Your love and dedication to her is inspirational. You set an example that everyone should strive to follow. I know that you will miss more than words can even begin to express. Please also know that I promised her I would look after you, to help you get through this, to be there for you, to help you with whatever you need. Please also know that mom taught me to never make a promise I don’t intend to keep so whenever you need something please let me know and I will do my best to help you out And to my mom – I just want you to know that I will be OK. I know you worried about me so much and that I had no one to take care of me. I’m betting you now know what life has in store for me and maybe you can finally stop worrying. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that no matter what because of you, your love, your support and your guidance I will always be OK, I may not land on my feet but you taught me to get right back up and try again, I will carry you and your wonderful lessons with me for the rest of my life. We are all better people for having known and the truth is we wouldn’t be the people without having had you in our lives all this time. We will all miss you so much and will work hard to honor you and your memory every day. I love you mommy and miss you so much.  |
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