Mad Scientists AnonymousDec 15, 2011 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in ToysThe Bottom Line Mad scientists are fun. Fact.
This is another short story I wrote for a competition... (don't have the results yet, but posting here isn't going to affect anything one way or the other so why not?!):
“My name is Emerson Fittipaldronetti, and I’m a mad scientist.
It all began when daddy bought me a chemistry set. It was a surprise gift, and the results were also surprising – not least to my cat, Ayrton. How was I to know that mixing Senna leaf with Mystery Compound XII would turn my cat into a biological weapon?! There was nothing in the manual to suggest that... well, apart from the part that said “treat all mystery compounds with the greatest of care”, but then user guides always say stuff like that just in case.
Anyway, when Ayrton was recovered and put into a secure nuclear facility, it turned out pretty well – half of western Europe now gets its electricity from the (when strictly isolated) safe and (when cat food is supplied abundantly) renewable feline isotopic poo. Of course, the government won’t admit to this publicly, but as a reward they game me, aged only 8 at the time, my own laboratory and staff.
Well naturally I decided that becoming a mad scientist would be a great career move, though I hadn’t quite decided whether I wanted to be an EVIL mad scientist or not. At any rate, after my early successes of turning Cabinet ministers into zombies without anyone noticing much difference, and making Big Ben sentient so that he would only chime on the hour whenever he felt like it (engineers still haven’t figured this out), I embarked on my greatest project yet – via the water supply, undetectable to any filters, I added a formula that would exponentially raise the IQ of all the inhabitants of Great Britain. The plan was foolproof, and a great success.
Well, almost a great success. People did indeed get smarter, but there were two unfortunate side-effects. Firstly, every TV show that had enjoyed great success over the years, so-called “reality” TV and all those showed designed to pander to talentless people determined to be famous, had a massive drop in popularity. Not a great tragedy in itself of course, but the effects on the country’s economy were devastating. Also, all the other countries became jealous of our new-found intellectual stimulus, and everyone resented it immensely. Things got so bad that I actually had to put another formula in to make people dumber again.
Therefore, what should have been my greatest triumph ended up as my biggest disaster. The MoD decided that I was a national threat, and MI5 keep tabs on me at all times. I decided that being a mad scientist maybe wasn’t so much fun after all – which is why I am here, speaking to all of you, at Mad Scientists Anonymous.”
Thank you for sharing your story, Mr Fittipaldronetti – most enlightening and very, very sad. Still, I’m sure we will be able to help you become a valued member of society. So, who wants to tell us their story next? Ah yes, Mr Sinclair – please tell us about that C5 contraption of yours...
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