I want my old mom back!!!
Jan 24 '01
The Bottom Line So if you are a caregiver to someone who has Alzheimer's, please get some support. It will help you and your loved one get through this disease.
The difficulty of communicating with Alzheimer patients can be one of the most frustrating aspects of this progressive disease, alienating caregivers and widening the gulf between loved ones.
I now know about Alzheimer's disease, because my 92 year old mom is in a nursing home, and has been diagnosed with having Alzheimer's Disease, after the Doctor did a thorough medical history and a physical exam.
At times when I leave her and go home, I sometimes get depressed, as I'm always thinking about how much I would love to have my old mom back. But I now know that, that is not possible any more.
My Mom has been confined to a wheel chair for years. Her eye site, hearing and memory has gotten worst the past 2 years. Last year she fell out of bed and fractured her knee. Ever since then she has moments of anxiety, loss of motivation, and loss of memory. She won't eat or drink on her own, and has to be fed to. Most of the time she doesn't even know who I am.
My husband and I got a lot of help from a support group, when his Mom had Alzheimer's and passed away a few years ago. So I was somewhat prepared when my Mom went through the early stages, and now in the late stages of Alzheimer's.
I have learned to have patience, perseverance and a bit of strategy to help reduce the stress on her and myself. At it's simplest, the approach to my Mom is based on treating her like my best friend and working from her strengths, not her weaknesses.
Part of establishing good communication relies on knowing my Mom's likes and dislikes, our family history and hobbies.
Here's a few things that can help you if you are a caregiver to someone who has Alzheimer's Disease.
First always introduce yourself. This puts the person who might not recognize you at ease. This is want I have to do every time I visit my Mom, because most of the time she doesn't recognize me anymore.
Always speak calmly, softly and slowly.
Use short, simple, direct sentences with descriptive language. Maybe you might say "Come sit here with me on this blue couch."
Give suggestions if the person is unable to make any choices.
Ask one question at a time, and wait for a response before continuing.
Validate feelings rather than try to erase them. Use empathy to acknowledge the person's feelings and let them know it's okay to feel sad, angry, lonely, forgetful or frustrated, because these feelings happen to us all.
Always make eye contact.
Treat the person as an adult, not a child.
Remember, the person can sense your mood and attitude.
Touch or hug the person and allow them to touch you.
Be consistent in your oral and non oral messages.
Approach tasks more than once if the person won't cooperate the first time.
Give compliments, which can be distractions from a bad moment.
Honor past accomplishments in conversations, such as success in raising children, contributions to the community, the value of work they've done etc. And offer thanks.
Focus on the person and put your own problems and concerns on hold.
Never argue with the person. Don't confront them or correct them and never, in their presence, speak of them in third person.
So if your a caregiver to someone who has Alzheimer's Disease, you should get help or join a support group. A delicate balance must be maintained between the needs of the person with Alzheimer's and the needs of the family caregiver. Otherwise you will become emotionally and physically exhausted if no help is available.
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