Deciding when to cut the cord! --How to stop babying your adolescent
Jan 25 '01
The Bottom Line Don't fall into the new trap of your child being a child forever. Teach them the values of Independence at an early age.
Well, I don't know if this is a generation X thing, or what. However it seems that more and more of the early to late 1970's babies are staying home... A long, long time.
For instance my older brother age 25 has never left the house. He has gone through college, is working on the completion of his masters degree. Has a full time job. Yet he still occupies the same bed as he did at age 7...
His girlfriend age 30 dwells with her mother. She is attending college on and off. Sometimes she has a job, sometimes she pays rent. Mainly she has a free bed to sleep in and a refrigerator to eat out of.
So why is this phenomenon happening? Because the parents are letting it happen. Or at least that would be my answer to the question.
I am from the "Generation X" and I left home when I graduated High School. Regardless of the fact that the University I attended was a mere 15 miles away. I payed for my room and board in full. I attended school, I married I moved away... I moved back in State, and have not returned home to live once. My theory was "When your grown get out on your own."
I think my theory has become outdated. During the time of my parents youth, everything was about revolution. The children wanted to leave home and attend School and do things differently then their parents. This generation has become the opposite. They like the security of being home, the parents like the security of their children not being out in the cold hard world. This is a vicious cycle.
Personally I must say that children that aren't brought up to believe that the objetive is to move out and support themselves will not. I know that my parents, as well as much of the sixties and seventies generation, have seen their fair share of horrible things. However, they must think of the things that they had seen as part of their coming of age, and growing up. Sheltering their children from simillar situations will only stunt the childs growth.
I am not saying that parents should not emotionally support their children, or help them out financially when they are in a pinch. I am saying that parents need to give their children the time, and space to figure things out on their own.
Independence is a skill that is learned from experience.
Cut the cord as early as your child can manage to do things on their own. They will thank you in the end. It is unhealthy to be dependent on your parents past the age that one can do for themselves.
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mszorak
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