T-Shirt Hell - Where All The Bad Shirts Go!
Written: Sep 22 '02 (Updated Oct 02 '02)
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| Full Review |
Easily offended? Put off by all things controversial? Have thin skin? Can't take a little constructive humor? Then chances are you'll find T-Shirt Hell one of the most degrading, raunchy, distasteful, vulgar, shameful, sickening, unpleasant, uncouth, rude sites on the web. Don’t say you weren’t warned about the site or this review.
T-Shirt Hell is a site that offers more than just the basic, run of the mill and often times boring novelty shirt. How many times have you seen a cool shirt and wondered, “Damn, where can I get one like that” but never bothered to ask the person? Well, aside from the mainstream Mr. Bubbles and SPAM shirts that seem to be running rampant through the malls of America – you’ll find no cooler shirts than at this site. Yes, a vast majority of them are offensive and eventually, the more you look through the site, you’ll find one that strikes a personal chord with you. But isn’t that the true beauty of the United States of America? Freedom of speech, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If you can’t find something to make you laugh here then you better check your wrist for a pulse.
Before you amble over to the site I want to make it perfectly clear that this is an adult site. There is no nudity however there are animated scenes that are, well, adult in nature. Foul language, derogatory phrases, slanderous comments and numerous attacks on celebrities [Anna Nicole, Britney Spears, BinLaden, Saddam etc]. The “F” word is used more times than you average teen flick but less than South Park’s “Bigger, Longer, Uncut” – so if foul language gets under your skin – either steer clear of the site or get ready to scrub off a few layers when you are finished browsing.
Welcome To Hell
Hell. You always imagined it to be brimstone, fire and pitchforks. Well, you’re partly right – but this version of Hell allows you to look pretty damn cool as you pave your way to eternal damnation. Nothing is sacred, nothing is off limits and nothing is too obscene to be featured on a t-shirt – well – at least that’s what they think. Hell features some of the boldest, hard core shirts I’ve seen – in fact 95% of the sayings won’t make it past the Epinions content filter so if you are morbidly curious about the site and what they offer I guess you’ll have to make plans to go to confession before you make your way over to the site.
So you saw that cool Osbourne’s shirt that said “F**k My Family – I’m Moving In With The Osbourne Family!” but could never track it down at a retail store? Look no further my devilish little friends – T-Shirt Hell has it. Sick of seeing Anna Nicole Smith stuff her face? Pick up the “Anna Nicole Ate My Little Brother” shirt and let your voice be heard! Have a geek friend that needs help in the woman department – rest easy – pick up the “Talk Nerdy To Me” shirt for them and watch the chicks flock to him. Sick of the whiners that cry about animal rights and bare it all for PETA? The solution is only a few dollars away and it’s in the form of a t-shirt that says “This Shirt Has Been Tested On Animals”. That’s just the tip of the iceberg so if you have the guts and are seeking some glory – click that link at the top of the page to visit one of the freakiest sites on the web.
The Hell section of the site contains some of the best shirts the site has to offer. Anything from attacking BinLaden to proclaiming your skills at being a ladies man – all this and more can be found in this section. Each of the shirts can be enlarged by clicking on the photo and as a word of warning, the accompanying text is not featured on the shirt – this is for your benefit so you can get a better understand of the context of the slogan. If you are looking for an easier way to pick out a shirt, feel free to use the drop down box located at the top of the left hand side of the page. This lets you scroll through the shirts in alphabetical order.
Baby Hell
Chances are any of the shirts in this section will send most moms to the brink of a nervous breakdown, leave them shaking their heads and asking how people could possibly print such offensive things on shirts. Part shock value, part novelty – these shirts might just be best left in the drawer and not on the child. Some of the more popular sayings include Smell My Diaper, I Can Kick Your Baby’s A$$, I Hide My Crack In My Diaper and Are You My Daddy?. Trust me, those are the tame ones!
The shirts are available in three of the most popular sizes – 6, 12 and 18 months. Colors include blue, pink and black. These are regular t-shirts, not onesies or snap style shirts. I’ve never personally ordered one of these but I did get to check out one that my neighbor ordered – not for her kid – but for her dog. Her dog has been wearing it for several months now and aside from the slight changes she made to it to so that it would stay on him – it looks as good as new.
Insensitive Shirt of The Month
I warned you about going to the site, I warned you about the content of the site but for those that think they can’t be shocked – there exists a small dwelling in cyberspace appropriately called the Insensitive Shirt of The Month. Here’s you’ll find the crème de la crème of offensive shirts. The pesky Epinions content filter is really putting a damper on this review and after trying every single shirt slogan – not one of them would work properly. Well, I take that back - Mary Had A Little Lamb and May The Horse Be With You can be mentioned but the detail of the shirts can’t. I guess you’ll either have to come up with your own mental image or prepare for the worst and visit the site. Be sure to scroll down the entire length of the page so you can see all the previous winner of the award.
Want Free Shirts?
Yeah, you read that right FREE. The cool t-shirt guru’s at the site have cooked up one helluva ongoing contest where you could receive five, yes five shirts of your choice by simply sending in a photo of you wearing one of their shirts. Yes, that means you have to purchase a shirt first – then take the picture. Of course, if you have no morals you can steal a shirt off of a friend and profit from it. Be sure to check out the section entitled T-Shirt Wh0**s [again, that silly little Epinions content filter is getting in my way] and for those that can’t seem to figure out that mystery word, use this URL ~~ Sorry, that URL can't be used! Thanks content filter! Go to the site and look for the link to "contests".
Still want more ways to win shirts? Well, my time isn’t exactly all that valuable but I’m not going to sit here and try out all this stuff for you – you need some type of incentive to actually go to the site. Check out the two other contests that are kicking up the dust at the site by clicking here http://www.tshirthell.com/contests.htm [OK, you can’t click there, there aren’t any links allowed in reviews so stop abusing your mouse!]
Pssssttt… Hey, Wanna Make $200.00?
please, get your mind out the gutter
200 clams, smackaroos, singles, one’s, Washington’s .. whatever you choose to call them – you can make and easy and sleazy 200 of them if you submit an original idea concept that gets made into a shirt. Can you imagine anything cooler than saying “I invented a t-shirt”? Imagine the chicks that would swarm you, the guys that would be begging for your phone number – the possibilities are just as endless as they are mind boggling. Read all the fine print at this URL http://www.tshirthell.com/ideas.htm
Need An Offensive Email Address?
Sick of using the same old boring email address that doesn’t do your personality justice? Check out the email portion of the site to browse any of the thirty sites that offer free email addresses. Some of the more colorful ones include “AngryForLife.com”, “ProbedByAliens.com”, “ImABadLittleGirl.com” and “IkillClowns.com”. Of course, these are the only ones that I can use due to that lovely content filter. Check out the complete list here http://www.tshirthell.com/emailhell.htm, conveniently located in a little section called Email Hell.
Shirt Styles
Hey, everyone has different tastes and just because I’d never be caught dead wearing one of those baseball shirts that were made popular in the 80’s – that doesn’t mean Joe from Hohokus should be denied the opportunity to be utterly offensive in one. For adults there are six different styles currently available – men’s t-shirt, men’s jersey, long sleeve [unisex], baby doll, spaghetti string and girl’s jersey. Don’t forget about the kidlet’s – they have their own special section with the following sizes – 6 months, 12 months, 18 months.
Shirts are available in a variety of sizes as well. Most come in a range of small to 4X. The larger shirts do cost a few dollars more [2X - $2.00, 3X - $3.00, 4X - $4.00] but these are high quality shirts that will last more than just a few washes. The colors for adult shirt are as bountiful as the sizes – some of which include white, black, green, blue, red … well .. you get the picture. The colors available depend on which style of shirt you choose, for example the high quality t-shirts have the most amount of choices while the jersey style comes in color combinations. You can pick and choose your customization by clicking on a shirt then following the prompts under it through the drop down boxes.
A Typical Order
Let’s say you want to give the site a test run to see how the ordering process works, costs, delivery time and all that jazz. Simple pick a shirt, customize it and make your way to the checkout area. You’ll be asked for the usual information and after you enter you address you’ll be given the shipping fee since this is calculated according to your location as well as the total weight of the order.
1 2X black high quality t-shirt, shipped to Southern California will set you back a total of $24.95. $19.00 for the shirt [remember this is a 2X size], $5.95 for shipping.
The next section requests your method of payment and billing information to confirm your order and get it into the works. So far they only accept MasterCard, Visa and American Express so don’t try to use a check out money order here. When you get your credit card statement, look for the T-Shirt Hell name and you’ll see the price of your purchase. So far they’ve been dead on accurate with no over charges, double billings or “hidden charges”. The site’s completely safe so don’t get worried about submitting your information to them. What’s the worse that can happen? The person processing your monthly credit card bill sees the name and has a hissy fit?
Shipping
Since the United States Postal Service has changed their rates for Priority Mail [charging not only for weight but for the distance between the shipping zone and the destination zone] there is a charge of $5.95 for the first shirt and a subsequent charge for each additional shirt – all depending on where you live and the total weight of your order. All of my orders have arrived within a week and were all perfectly packed. It might take a little longer depending on where you live but don’t be too mean to them – all the shirts are manufactured with the motto of “quality, not quantity” in mind. They do ship overseas but for international order you are best to contact them directly so you can receive the most accurate quote for shipping.
Returns
If you order a shirt and have second thoughts when it arrives, you have 30 days to return it to T-Shirt Hell for a full refund, minus the shipping fees of course. To arrange a return, email or call the customer service team to make arrangements. Contrary to what you might think due to the nature of the site, they really do want you to be happy with your purchase and will work with you to ensure that the smile on your face isn’t just from watching reruns of The A-Team.
Affiliate Program
Greedy? Like to profit off the impulse purchases of others? Want to make some real cash? If you have a website be sure to checkout the affiliate program where you can earn an amazing $4.00 per shirt! That’s right, you stand to make $4.00 from every shirt that is sold through your site. There’s no catch or minimum number needed per month like some sites that offer such a deal. Plus it’s a two-tier program so anyone that signs up under you will also make you cash. Not as an attractive amount – but still – you’ll be making $1.00 for each shirt they sell.
Can’t Get Enough of T-Shirt Hell?
Here are some cool links about the recent lawsuit that was filed against the Osbourne family for stealing a design first listed at the site. You won’t get any smarter from reading these reviews, but there will be a written test.
http://www.pollstar.com/news/viewnews.pl?NewsID=1858
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/newsday.htm
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/yahoo.htm
http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/thestreet.htm
Contact Information
Orders are only taken over the internet so mail order and telephone orders just aren’t an option at this point in time. If you need assistance with placing an order, requesting a refund or are just really lonely feel free to call the toll free number. In my personal opinion, emailing works better than a phone call and allows you to have a hard copy of all the information. You can expect a very speedy reply to your email since I don’t think that many of the employees get unshackled from their desks.
[877] 498 – 3099
info@tshirthell.com
T-Shirt Hell
302 Bedford Avenue # 332
Brooklyn, NY 11211
The Bottom Line
In my total honest opinion, this site is one that most people will curious and interesting and for the brave at heart – they’ll be bold enough to place an order and wear their shirt proudly. For me, the site is a breath of fresh air considering all the boring, mundane and run of the mill sites that pedal their wares online. How many “Backstreet Boys Suck” shirts can you possibly tolerate before you snap and actually start to like the band?
Since some people just don’t get it, I’ll give you one last warning – visit this site at your own risk. I’ve made it abundantly clear that the contents could very well offend you and shake you from your mortal coil so don’t sit there and say you weren’t warned.
Al always, thanks for the visit!
^V^ Freak ^V^
© 2002 Freak369
Recommended:
Yes
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About the Author
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About Me: 7% Terminator, 4% silicone, 38% muscle, 51% freak
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