Warning: The following review is part of Rock_On's Third Annual Nintendo Write-Off. Reader discretion, along with a bag of Funions and a Pepsi, is advised.


Prologue

Metroid. New school gamers out there probably don't care about that nonsensical word, but to the old school die hards out there like myself, this word alone can evoke not only a smile, but fond memories and the geekiest conversations since "Who would win in a fight? Green Arrow or Hawkeye?" or "Was Claire Danes wearing any panties when she got thrown onto the bed in Romeo & Juliet?"

It all started back in 1987. Nintendo was putting out the most original and outstanding games of its time at this point.

The Legend of Zelda
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out
Kid Icarus
Metroid

It was a good year to be a gamer.

Metroid stood apart from the rest of the platform games at the time for one reason. Instead of your typical one-directional scrolling games of the time, you could go wherever you wanted to in this game. Not only that, instead of having multiple lives to live, you were allotted just one and you had to make the best of it. Along the way, you gathered powerups and energy tanks that, with luck, would prolong your survival. It was you versus a world of relentless alien beings. But you're Samus... you're a bounty hunter... you're a... chick?

Why this? Why now?

With the release of not one, but two games in the Metroid series recently and Rock_On's invitation to join his Third Annual Nintendo write-off, I figure it's time to review what is, to me, the pinnacle of gaming perfection.

We interrupt your review for some of Terry Rader's patented "long-winded back history" profiles!

So, I already covered what set Metroid apart from the pack, right? You thought I was going to leave it at that, jerky? You thought wrong and, obviously, you don't know me very well.

Nintendo followed up the original game with the unoriginally titled Metroid II: The Return of Samus for the relatively new Gameboy. Sure, she returned, but the world was different. She was, apparently, on a whole different planet. Her job? Eliminate the Metroids on their own turf.

The game sprites were larger, the screen was smaller, the enemies meaner but Samus was there in all her vomit-green and black monochrome glory. To go from 16 colors to 4 shades was rough, but Samus still kicked mucho booty like the bounty hunter should. Not only that, but she learned how to, gasp, kneel!

And, in the end, she put all the Metroids to rest.

That is, until Samus runs across a Metroid egg as it begins to hatch. Then, as the hatchling breaks free from its shell, it mistakes Samus for her mother. And, in a moment of weakness, or perhaps a newfound love of life, Samus spared the Metroid and brought it back to the space lab for research. Sure, it'll be poked and prodded, but it's alive, right?

And then came Super Metroid.

What? That's it for your history?

Yep.

The last Metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace.

Say what you will about the cinema sequenced openings of every game since then, but there was no more powerful an opening than hearing those two simple lines. It was simple, effective, and a real attention grabber all at the same time.

You start off in a space lab with an emergency distress call. You respond and beat feet over to the lab to find no one there until you make it to the hatchling holding facility. There, out of the shadows, strikes an enemy long forgotten. The Space Pirate, Ridley, strikes and he's bigger and meaner than ever before. You do your best to defend against him but you were unprepared and Ridley makes off with the Metroid hatchling headed for Planet Zebes.

You return once more to the original and vastly expanded world from which you made a name for yourself all those years since passed. Again, inexplicably, you're ill-equipped, but you're one bad momma, so you can afford to take your chances because you're bound to find something useful on this planet to help you save the world, right? Maybe, like, a twig and some leaves and stuff, that's sure to save your unprepared but awesomely cute butt, Samus. See, Girl Scouts sell cookies, Boy Scouts are prepared for anything.

However, Samus gets back on her feet again as she finds power-up after power-up, from Morph Ball to Screw Attack. Let's not get into the double entrende of the latter choice, but I would like to take this time to say I like boobies.

The gameplay is the same as before and amped up to a whole new level. You shoot, you jump, you drop bombs all over the landscape and you freeze as many enemies with your ice beam as you can to see if you can exlpoit the landscape and get a power-up ahead of the originally intended time.

New to the game, as you run and gun, is the ability to jump off of walls, examine the environment for hidden passages with an X-Ray visor and use a grappling beam to grip places a la Simon's whip in Super Castlevania IV.

The beauty of the Metroid series has always been exploration and excellent boss fights. Super Metroid takes it to a whole new level. This becomes blatantly obvious when you take on the old green slob Kraid. Kraid goes from being slightly larger than Samus (in the original Metroid) to a humongous beast that fills not one screen but two or three.

Boss fights are well placed throughout the game and are extremely memorable. One boss fight will actually surprise you after you dispatch of it in a highly graphic, inventive and, probably, extremely hot manner.

As aforementioned, exploration is the key and a majority of your time will be spent going from location to location to find a power-up that will enable you to get to another part of the world, which in turn lets you get to another part, and so on. The design here is excellent and easily recognizable as the inspiration for Konami's Castlevania: Symphony of the Night and the excellent Gameboy Advance Castlevania titles since.

Control is simple, responsive and precise. There's an additional option available at the option screen, moonwalking, which allows you to backpedal while charging your arm cannon if you choose so. You can also change controls more to your liking should you be a Symphony of the Night player who is afraid of learning a new control setup. You'll never be left cursing at the controller or the game, but yourself for not being as adept as you should've been when you miss that wall jump or accidentally kill yourself with an ill-timed hyper shoulder block.

Also, power-ups are easy to turn on and off from the pause menu. A click of the right trigger will take you to a "paper doll" of Samus and allow you to customize all the powers you've collected thus far. Want to turn off the ice beam so you can quit having to shoot enemies one additional time when you kill them? Alright, turn off the ice beam and just stick with the wave beam. Tired of the sound of the screw attack? That's fine... turn off the screw attack. Of course, you'll be screwed, but that's what you get for not tolerating the great little sound effect, jerky!

Graphically, the game still stands well in light of two-dimensional gaming greatness. The sprites are large, well designed and never suffer from flicker. And, even though it's the Super Nintendo, I have trouble recalling slowdown in any part of the game. For the Super Nintendo, which as all professional experts of gaming science know, lacked that ultramegasutastic powers of "Blast Processing," that was quite an achievement.

The sound in the game is spot-on. Sound effects are appropriate, while music is for atmosphere only. You're not going to find yourself humming any of the tracks (save the theme music if you've been a fan of the series since its inception), but you're not going to turn the game down or play a CD in your room. It's extremely remarkable in the fact that it's not remarkable. Am I making sense to anyone but myself? Oh well, screw you guys. I hate you all.

So far, so barely above average

The true beauty of the game +is the size of the world and the amazingly well thought out design of it. Older gamers will identify a vastly expanded world which they've been through before instantly. Gamers unfamiliar with the world will not get half a stack off the nostalagia factor, but will instead have a whole new world with which to explore to their heart's content. From your adventure cliche water level to the mandatory prerequisite heat level, you'll instantly identify with your surroundings and will never wonder where you are due to the distinct graphical differences between areas.

You super geeks in Digipen, take note, as I'll honestly say that no gaming world has ever been designed as well as the world of Super Metroid. From the immersive but subdued sound, to the extremely cohesive environment to the amount of hidden extras available to those willing to take the time to find them, this game is completely well thought out and shows what a little development time and a lot of thought can turn out.

And, in the end, that's what makes the game so great. It's so well designed that you'll find yourself spending mass amounts of time just exploring it. You'll find yourself instictively bombing every surface, scanning every wall, trying to figure out how to reach that missile tank that's just barely out of reach and searching for every energy and reserve tank in the area to save your beautiful bounty hunting booty from becoming the next on the list of extinction... after the dodo bird, political incorrectness and the Army Men series.

You'll spend hours amongst hours in the game trying to unlock the game's three endings just to get a glimpse of Samus out of her suit and into a swimsuit... especially the lonely gamers out there. The same gamers who would intentionally let Samus get killed just to get a brief glimpse of her well rounded body as her suit malfunctioned a exploded in hail of doubly hot shrapnel. Yes, that's right... we can smell our own.

And, in the end, you'll feel as it's all been worth it. You'll learn the fate of the last Metroid, you'll get a chance to save some of the planet's animal friends who showed you the way and you'll finally rid yourself of the memory that is Planet Zebes as you finally lay Mother Brain to rest as a bad memory. Much like the bad memory that was Mother Brain and King Hippo in Captain N: The Game Master.

Epilogue

I've said it once, I'll say it again. This game is, without a shadow of doubt, the greatest game ever made. It's got mad playability thanks to the excellent design of the world and the monsters that live within it. It's got nearly as much replayability courtesy of the multiple endings, extremely enjoyable world in which you can immerse yourself and the completist notion of having to collect 100% of the items scattered throughout the world.

Super Metroid. Learn it, live it, love it, re-live it, dream it and never forget it.



Thanks for playing!

As previously mentioned, this review is part of Rock_On's Third Annual Nintendo Write-off taking place on July 3rd. I just wanted a headstart and I've been itching to post this.

If you enjoyed my review, go read some more great Nintendo reviews from great reviewers. Hell, even if you hated my review, go read them to get the aftertaste of my review style (an acquired taste, admittedly) out of your unappreciative mouth and maybe find a great writer you haven't read from before.

The other participants are as follows:

Rock_On

Xeno3998

TheGeniusX

OneException

Minorthreat78

Titan45

Awoolcott

Stellarsight

Wandering_Mage

NetNut746

Pavona21

ChromeKiller

Swanton00

PacManY2J

Jeremy1456

Mike_Bracken

T13Monkeys

Rice75

Kittyokc

32_Footsteps

StarSoldier1

Kjell1979

Bounty628

JiggyJay

Kenshin-Guy

Itltfan

Pixta

BaronSamedi3

And me... thanks for playing!

Recommended: Yes